I actually wrote something similar before and posted it on EC, but I modified it and like how it got fixed...suggestions welcome! I really want to improve. A sleepless night, tears running down my face once again You didn't ask me how I felt A scary night, the monsters in my mind were there instead Of the thoughts of you and me To forget the pain I paint my fantasy in black and white But just like old photos they're faded memories These paintings I create are the only remains From a dream that once was reality The charcoal on my fingertips Covers up all of the pain Without my fake pretending I'd turn completely insane So let me go on, don't stop me now Let me fake till the end, it means nothing to you A bad day, I spend faking a smile till I'm alone I lay down and start to cry Another day, I hopelessly wait again on my phone Maybe you thought to say "Hi" I pick up my canvas again and start to paint Another one of my illusions to hide my pain And then I realize it's only dust that remains From the lie that I keep living The charcoal on my fingertips Makes me happy but it's fake Maybe I'll stop pretending But I'd go completely insane Should I go on? Please stop me now! Why do I keep hurting, it means nothing to you Two AM, I suddenly sit up awake from my bed in pain The reality mixed in with my worst fears just come to life I shake and cry and lie awake unable to close my eyes Why did all of this change? The charcoal on my fingertips Is only dust that I blow away Maybe if I start living I won't go completely insane I can't go on, I must stop now! I will move on, 'cause I mean nothing to you
First off I want you to read your lyrics in the quote box on my post. I added some numbers along the side. These numbers are the number of syllables in each line. In some places they are pretty well balanced, but in other places they turn into a bit of a mess. It might be helpful to balance that out a bit as it'll help with the flow of the song and you won't have to stretch anything or blur any words together to make everything fit. I pick up my canvas again and start to paint (12) Another one of my illusions to hide my pain (13) ^ the word "my" pops up 3 times in a very short frame of time. You may want to try reorganizing this part a bit. ONTO COMPLIMENTS! First off, this song sounds like it holds a lot of meaning. I appreciate any song that is actually about something and this seems to genuinely be about something. So I hope that whatever you're planning to do with it that it all works out
