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The shallow reason I'm losing interest in this guy.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by RemakeJake, Jul 5, 2015.

  1. RemakeJake

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    This question may ruin my reputation and respect on here, but I'm going to be, like always, completely honest in my concern and questioning.

    I met this guy, "John," 26, on an online dating site. He only had two pictures so I couldn't get a feel for his physical persona, but we connected very well over messaging and things seemed great. After we started texting two days after, we decided to FaceTime a day after that. I don't know why I expected his voice to be slightly raspy, but when he spoke, please PLEASE don't crucify me for saying this, he had the most high-pitched voice I've ever heard from a man in the real world (outside of movies, tv shows, etc). I'm sure some of you will throw political correctness at me and say that since I'm not at all attracted to that, I'm self-hating or a homophobic gay person. It would be awful of me to shame him for something he cannot control, which is something I would never ever do, but his voice is such a massive turnoff for me. I'm not choosing to be that shallow. I can't control that.

    Have you ever had a similar experience?
     
  2. Cider

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    Eh, it's just preference. You shouldn't be ridiculed for not finding a guy with a higher voice attractive.
     
  3. kageshiro

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    It's all good. If you force yourself to like someone you aren't attracted to nothing good will come of it.
     
  4. RemakeJake

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    But how do I let him down? He's being very very playful and flirtatious and talking about kissing me.
     
  5. Pret Allez

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    Well...

    I guess I wish you the best of luck finding someone who's interested in you.
     
  6. mobrien1993

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    I think it might be something you would just have to get used to...I haven't been in your situation but more like on the other end...my voice is really high pitched and a lot of people say I sound like a kid...and working where I have to answer phone calls its def something I'm pretty self conscious about but I can't change it
     
  7. kageshiro

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    You could try slowly cutting off contact and hope he loses interest, or you could be honest and let him know you arent interested. I recommend carefully thinking over what to say if you go with the second approach as it may obviously come off as rude and hurtful if you aren't delicate. Well, just to be sure I think you should ask yourself if this truly is a dealbreaker for you, if he doesn't have redeeming qualities that make up for it and etc. Weigh the positives and negatives of pursuing him or cutting it off, make a decision based on your own conclusions. Your feelings should take priority.
     
  8. sporn

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    Not really. Voice is important for me as well. I'm pretty musical, so someone's voice can boost or lower attraction for me.
     
  9. Psaurus918

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    I suck when it comes to telling people I'm not interested so I have no advice, but if you don't like him you shouldn't feel bad about letting go.
     
  10. AAASAS

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    I'm sure you'd get used to it after a couple of dates, just throwing that in there. Not everyone has the voice of an angel and if you guys really connected you might be throwing away something potentially good.

    I would honestly go for it, and if you can't handle it after a couple dates; thats if the dates go well, but you will never know if you can be attracted to that if you don't try.

    Obviously upon first impression it might not be the most attractive thing, but there could be qualities that override that.

    Just saying, everyone's got a preference, but sometimes it's good to go beyond that just to see what you can find, and honestly you actually may find yourself laughing over how it bothered you at first if you guys really hit it off.

    Believe me, this is something you can get over, it's not physical, it's mental, though a voice is arguably physical;sound waves blah blah blah, I think it's something that is interpreted in the mind much more independently than say physical attraction which is almost instinctual. I really think it was conditioned in you, and you have the potential to be conditioned out of it.

    That's just my opinion, but I wouldn't write someone off based on voice, I'd at least give it a shot.
     
  11. Suspector

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    If it is a turn off, it is a turn off. Don't waste your time, don't waste his. You aren't being shallow either, and you are entitled to date whoever you want. If you haven't met in person, just ignore him, or tell him you met someone else that you are going on dates with. That's all you need to really say, doesn't matter if it is a lie.
     
  12. tulipinacup

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    I've had similar situation as well but when meeting someone online and end up talking on video, it does give a very different perspective on the person you are communicating with.
    The guy isn't your boyfriend but he is also a human being so I think it is good to slowly back off from him.

    I would say to completely ignore him (since that is what I've done with previous guys) but I think it is also important to put your shoes to theirs.
     
  13. Austin

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    I tend to just slowly stop talking to the person and then they kind of lose interest. If you haven't been chatting for long, as it seems to me, he shouldn't take it too hard and should get over you fairly quick. I've had similar issues where I see pictures I like and the meet or see the person on video and no longer find them physically attractive :/ and I feel like a bf person too lol
     
  14. RemakeJake

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    Thanks so much everyone.

    Update: He said he only has eyes for me and that he's worried about me potentially losing interest in him down the road -_- I'm in a pickle.
     
  15. Pret Allez

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    Nope, not really. You have to tell him you can't have a relationship, and you have to pay the emotional cost of witnessing his reaction.
     
  16. BiKate

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    If it's not something you can deal with, then don't try. Is it shallow? Yeah, a little, but it's not your fault. Most of us can be a tiny bit shallow in some circumstances. But he deserves somebody who will be ok with his voice, and you deserve somebody who doesn't turn you off before you even get together. So if it's not something you can get used to, don't bother.

    As somebody who has a uhhh, unique voice, PLEASE don't mention anything about it to him. I remember a few kids used to laugh about my voice in school and it sucked, though nobody seems to mention it now. I think it's gotten better but it still sounds weird.

    I've been in similar situations before with guys. Usually I just sort of become less available. I don't reply to messages as fast, and I just act really boring for a few days. The best way out is to just tell him you thought you were ready for a relationship, but you're just not and you won't be for a while. I don't usually recommend lying, but he hasn't done anything wrong, and telling him you're not interested because of his voice will be a huge blow to his self confidence since it's something he can't change. Act really sorry, make it all about you not being ready etc. He might not take it well but the sooner the better. If he gets too full on after that, block him.