Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable?

I try not to; but sometimes it's hard when life hits you hard.

 

I also try not to. There are two professors I have that I will, though, under certain circumstances. With Prof B, anything goes, really. He's one of the few people I've cried in front of. With Prof J, it's more with physical health related things only, which I generally try to hide with Prof B. However, Prof J is one of the few people who can enter my physical bubble with very little risk of being hit.

In general, I don't trust people. The people I have more trust in generally have earned it by being there for me when I need it most. Bonus points if they've had an experience similar to my own.

 

Reason #1 to trust in people's good intentions: ways of screwing you can look very wise and noble. It might be hard to understand, but the most dangerous things in the world can be wayward good intentions, with you as the poor, dumb patsy.

---------- Post added 5th Jul 2015 at 08:03 PM ----------

That is to say, I do open myself to people, and I like them. I do so with the understanding of their frailty and limitations, though. It's not that I see them as bad, but the overall ROI of trust is a net positive in spite of their mistakes and mine, not because those mistakes don't happen.

 

I pretty much put it all out there in pretty much all of my relations--romantic, friendship, professional, all of it. I am very trusting and tend to assume the best of people and they have tended to rise to the level of my expectations.

 

I don't trust anybody 100%. Or to be precise, I trust a few people a little more than 0%. Most people I told things about myself have used it against me. And there's no guarantee that the people I trust a little won't stab me in the back.

I try not to be vulnerable, so I rarely speak about myself, and if I do, it's all neutral. I don't reveal much surface for an attack. There's only one person with whom we have mutually told each other our vulnerabilities. He's an exception, but he does not know everything about me yet. I'm not sure he ever will, I'll see.

In my experience most people are shallow, selfish, and most of them will stab you in the back sooner or later. And those who are not like this, are hard to find.

 

I try not to, that's why I kind of have a "trust no one" mentality. It takes a long time to gain my complete trust, because it can be broken so easily.

 

I'm always feeling vulnerable and I never hide it in the real world that is why I don't have relationships

 

Yes, I choose to make myself vulnerable. I believe that it is essential to maximising one's experience of a situation. If I was to be invulnerable all the time, I would never experience the extremes in life - both good and bad. Life would be decidedly neutral. So I choose to let myself feel things strongly, whatever the consequences.

 

I'm actually never vulnerable and always trying to be tough and shrug things off. I made one exception and it was with the one I loved, I was totally shedding my tough skin and bawling like a baby. turned out to be a huge mistake so won't be doing that again. trust no one and always sneer.

 

Not anymore.

 

I do. The person I can tell the most is my boyfriend, I can tell him everything. =) Which is something I do, I don't have anything to hide. =]

 

The thing is, people who wear their hearts on their sleeves tend to be a lot tougher, in the end, and less easily exploited. Why? Simple: if you are very good at reaching out, a person cannot isolate you, and there is very little about you that everyone doesn't already know.

Being alone makes you a target for the worst kind of bad guys, and there is nothing more dangerous.

 

The only person I'd feel comfortable showing vulnerability to is my crush.

 

Have only been in 3 actual relationships so far, with only one lasting longer than 2 weeks, and that being long-distance.
So I don't have any actual stories.

I can tell you that I'm on the introverted side of the spectrum and also have this slightly irrational notion that I don't want to bother people, especially those close around me with my personal problems.
There's only two friends I really share my deeper issues with and only rarely.

I think though that if and when I do find a partner, that my love and more importantly trust in them would allow me to be vulnerable around them and share my feelings and issues with them.

Sorry about the lack of stories. :icon_redf

---------- Post added 7th Jul 2015 at 01:30 AM ----------

I think that's a bit to simplistic.
I don't usually share my feelings, but that doesn't mean people can use them against me. In virtually all cases, it's not that I'm afraid of sharing my feelings or issues, but rather that I don't want to bother others with them.

I don't share my porn experieceses or preferences with anyone, but if someone posted them online it wouldn't bother me.
Perhaps not an ideal analogy, but I hope you get the point.

---------- Post added 7th Jul 2015 at 01:32 AM ----------

How's about yourself Pret?

 

#ColdHeart4Life


Boring answer...​

Spoiler

Vulnerability is something I still, to this day, work on. It isn't difficult to be vulnerable, but it can be dealing with the responses or repercussions. One reason I find it difficult to trust people stems from my own upbringing. To sum my immediate family up: provided food, clothes, and shelter, but was emotionally dead. You didn't receive a compliment or pat on the back for doing the job right, that was reward enough. That's just what you were expected to do, so you do it. Now, mess up, and it's a catastrophe.

As a result, I closed up. My few attempts at mingling with other children at school, either failed or I was only a temporary amusement at best. I wasn't really picked on, just kind of ignored the majority of the time. In my young mind, the world was the problem. The reason I didn't feel better was because of everything but myself.

A pants-ripping in the middle of class later, I felt angry and anxious. How can I go back to school, after having somebody rip my pants off, and be taken seriously?

I'd make them stop talking about it.

What does this have to do with being vulnerable? Well, when I became a punk-ass little bully, there was no way I'd intentionally let something out about me again. But others, they had their friends, their gossip, their reasons to smile -- I didn't, and I was going to take it away from them. Vulnerabilities became effective tools.

Want to knock a pretty girl down?
Steal her writing assignment, so you can trace each letter, and forge a juicy note later.

Socially ostracized from others, you really get to see vulnerable. You can mold a mind, and they won't think twice about it, and why should they? You're their only friend after that terrible note somebody framed them with. Have your fun, then throw her to the wolves, the same people you cut her off from, and gain their favor.

Then tear them apart and move on. Rinse and repeat, maybe change the method.

Because of how I used to be towards others, vulnerability makes me uncomfortable. I can be upfront and open, but not for long. I always worry somebody will do what I used to, be it karma or just projected shame, if I am vulnerable. I don't want to be perceived as a tool, if you will...

For me to trust somebody fully, that requires remarkable presence. If I like spending time with and around you, we can respect one another, and there is the feeling you improve my life, then you have the prerequisites for me to trust you. But even then, it will not be absolutely. That takes time, and to be totally honest, some folks will progress faster with me on that front than others. It's all about the personality behind the bonding.

In short, I have some issues, but they are being worked on. I am in a better place, today, than I was in the past. Ideally, I'd like to have somebody to be really deep and affection with, so that I can rest easy. Not really having the opportunities to be vulnerable, or to establish a solid connection with others, has made me more appreciative of those situations.

So, there is good within the bad, when it comes to this and I.

Probably not heartwarming, but it offers another perspective.

 

Vulnerable... I am more often than not... I think it's best if people dislike me for who I am than who I present myself to be. I'm more vulnerable to some of my friends than I to my parents and family... how the tables have turned.

I became very vulnerable with both of my crushes. The current one is straight, he knows my feelings for him, I guess we've become even closer than before. Though there's always an aching pain inside. I've been in no relationships at all, lady luck's not on my side, yet I'm still "vulnerable" to others, I'm trying to set some example to convince people to let their guard down for a bit.

In short, yes I have let myself become vulnerable in the past, it has brought me some joy, and 100x more pain, but I still believe that being trying to open yourself is a good thing, if not for you, than for others who are afraid to.

 

Awesome use of Vegeta +10 internets for you!

 

Being vulnerable is a risk, but is it a risk worth taking? Yes, I think it is. That's not to say you should make yourself vulnerable on a whim, or to anybody, but set the barriers too high and you shut people out and reduce the quality of human relationships.

I think we are too quick to see vulnerability as an entirely negative thing, when it can be very positive and good for you.

There is a good TED talk on the issue of vulnerability.

For me personally, my husband has seen me at my most vulnerable, many times. He has witnessed me at my most broken and hurting. Only two other people have seen me at my most vulnerable and they are no longer here. Losing them made me more vulnerable.

 

I have major trust issues from childhood trauma...

But even though I know I'm frail and even unstable, I want to be able to make myself vulnerable, I feel it's key to finding friends and so on and having a more fulfilling life. So I'm working on it.

So yeah, for now, I don't, really don't in general... But I want to in the future!