I am a 15 year old male and I think I might be gay. I’m not sure and I think it might just be a phase. Plz help. In elementary school I was never into playing with other boys and preferred playing with the girls and only had a couple friends that were guys. I preferred playing “house” with the girls rather than something like tag or wall ball. I was also a lot more feminine and didn’t care for sports. I had my first same-sex experience when I was in the 4th grade it was a I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, I didn’t think much of it. I had a couple of female crushes but these so called crushes were just people who I eventually developed close friendships. I did fifth grade in Germany where I was constantly teased for my slightly feminine personality and voice, and tried to control my slightly feminine mannerism. After the end of fifth grade we moved back to Texas. When I was about 11 years old I started to feel some same sex attraction; I recognized when a guy was hot or cute. I read somewhere that this sort of phase is normal and doesn’t mean anything so I suppressed my same-sex attraction. I also had a female crush during the 6th grade for about three months. I also developed same-sex friendships and finally felt normal. I decided that I would start focusing more in school and getting into a good college in the summer before my seventh grade year. I discovered masturbation when I was in the 7th grade and masturbated to heterosexual fantasies. In the summer before 8th grade I discovered that I could use pornography to stimulate myself and started using heterosexual porn. Nothing happened in the 8th grade. No crushes or anything, but I still had attraction to both sexes although my opposite–sex attraction started to slowly fade away. Although in an effort to fit in I had fake female crushes. I was living in a middle class conservative neighborhood in Texas, so I decided not to say anything and tried to keep my distress under wraps. In the summer between 8th and 9th grade my family moved to a progressive upper-middle class neighborhood in New York, so I decided to “straighten” myself up and lose the feminine mannerism, in an attempt to fit in. I also realized that I was paying more attention to the guy while masturbating to porn, so I decided to switch to bisexual porn. I slowly shifted into gay porn and that’s where I am right now. In school I basically lost almost all of my attraction to females, but recognized when a girl was pretty or had a good physique but had little sexual attraction. In school I was 90% sexually attracted to the same sex and 10% opposite sex. Around the end of 9th grade I had developed a close friendship with a guy, who I was pretty sure was gay (due to feminine mannerism). We had a lot in common and I even had a homosexual dream with him (my 2nd one btw). But it wasn’t a sexual dream it was more of a romantic and emotional dream in which we fell love and kissed while at a math and science competition in a different state. I have never had a heterosexual sex dream. Ever since then, I have been unsure of what my sexuality is and have tried to use the internet to figure out. I even did a porn test: I was tuned on by gay and straight porn but not by lesbian porn. I can imagine my life happily married to a man or a woman. I’m not into sports the only sports I do are golfing and competitive swimming; I don’t know anything about football, basketball, or any other sport. I’m like stereotypical things associated with being gay, theater, opera, ballet, interior design, architecture. My mother told me even as a child my favorite toys were cooking utensils like pots, pans, and tea sets. I’ve never enjoyed “rough and tough” behavior. I enjoy going to the mall with my mother and advising her on what to buy. I am very intelligent with an almost perfect GPA ranked 1st out of my grade of 400 students. Extracurricular activities involve: Speech and Debate Team, Business Club, Theater, Math and Science Team, and Academic team. Sorry for the long read. Please Help.
Welcome to EC. This thread would probably be better suited in the Sexuality Forums, but Im sure your get some responses here. You could be certainly be gay or bisexual. I think it sounds like you are far more attracted to men, which is a definite indicator. I don't think porn should be used as a measurement of attraction though. But it sounds like you could be gay, but no one but you can answer that question.
You could be Homoflexible. Like; it's a shade of bisexuality - but your preference for the same-sex is stronger than your preference for the opposite-sex
First, there is a difference between being fem and being gay. Sheldon, from "Big Bang Theory," is fem and straight. He is a straight twink. So is the person who played the geeky brother off of "Two and a Half Men." An example I know of is the older of my two cats. He is a Sheldon in every possible sense. And the older cat's "younger brother," who is of no relation, is basically growing up to be a "bear," meaning a masculine gay guy who likes "boy things." He comes across both as more gay and more masculine. I prefer bears very much, although the older is growing on me. You are not a bear. You are just gay. Textbook gay. Your picture is in a dictionary next to the word "gay." If you have been truthful, then this is not complicated. You are so gay that you fart rainbows. Coming out can be more complicated. I think this community is a good place to discuss coming out. Good luck!
