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Becoming a calmer, happier person

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by person57, Jul 13, 2015.

  1. person57

    Full Member

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    Hey everyone. So for those of you that don't know, I've been in therapy for a while (I've been to seven therapy sessions for a while). My mom has also been to a couple therapy sessions. Therapy has changed us a lot in a good way, as you can probably tell from the title. But it hasn't been like that from the start of our therapy. The first therapy session was with my mom and the therapist, and this happened around the end of May. I remember how when I first came out to my mom as transgender, she obviously had a hard time accepting it, but I don't really blame her for that, but I was angry with her at the time. I came out to her in February, she started to become a little more accepting around the end of April/beginning of May, but of course it was still hard for her. I remember how at first she didn't let me dress as a female at all, and that was awful for me and I never felt like myself and I changed in a bad way. I started to become angry a lot. I was angry with my parents, myself, and the world. I would always wish that I wasn't transgender. I just became a negative person. I wasn't really expecting my parents to be like this, so I was really unprepared. My parents believed that I was going through a phase, and my mom thought that I could've been doing this for attention. One day, I had this huge breakdown. I think my parents realized how affected I was. My mom decided to take me shopping. She only bought me a couple of gender-neutral outfits, and even though it wasn't a lot, I was happy about it. I would just wear some makeup with my gender-neutral outfits, and then I would feel mostly okay with myself. But those were just the days that I would dress as a female. On the days that I was dressed as a male, it was completely different. I was back to my angry and depressed self. I remember how I used to always write facebook statuses about how I thought that everyone was fake and how I thought that nobody cared about me and how I felt alone, and then I'd delete the statuses really fast. At the time I thought this was a good way to get things out, but now I know that it wasn't. I didn't only think negatively of other people, but I thought negatively about myself. I remember how my mom would tell me how she thinks that I could've been doing this for attention. She's told me that "I think that my life is horrible but it really isn't" to make me feel ashamed for feeling the way I was feeling. She's mocked me for being very active on social media and for having a small amount of real friends. The way she said it was so rude and it hurt me and it really was uncalled for. I let all this get to me and I started seeing myself the way that my mom saw me. However, around the end of April/beginning of May, things got a little better. My mom did get me a new pair of pants and a couple of new shirts, which were actually even a little more feminine than the clothes I had before, and I was happy because I could dress as a female more often, though I did end up dressing as a female everyday by sometimes wearing the same clothes on certain days of the week. (And honestly, even though this may be seen as "gross", I don't regret this. I was so done with dressing as a male). My mom decided to call a hospital that she heard of that helps transgender people with transitioning, and they referred her to the therapist that we've been seeing. My mom set up an appointment to see the therapist. I don't remember the exact date, but it was some time around the end of may. For some reason, after my mom had her first therapy session, she became worse than ever. She had an even harder time accepting me, and she started making me feel ashamed for what I've said before even more than ever. I don't know what happened that made her do this. I became even more depressed. My anger increased by a lot. My mom was even planning to set up an appointment at the hospital to do lab work and see if I'm eligible/ready to start blockers/hormones, but she changed her mind. She would even say stuff like, "You probably don't need therapy, you're well-adjusted", when I obviously was not well adjusted at all. And when I told her that I needed to this therapy, she just laughed it off and said that I needed to "get it together", and this just made me so mad. I was expecting my mom to be the most supporting person in my life, but she was actually the least supporting person. If you guys are wondering about my dad, well, he hasn't really said much about this, and he's also never seen this therapist. He's not being hard on me at all but I'm sure he's still processing this just like my mom. Anyway, so my first therapy session was on June 4th. Of course I was nervous, but it was good for me to vent and get things out. My next therapy session was also pretty good, but my mom was still being hard on me. The week after my 2nd therapy session, my mom had her 2nd therapy session. After this therapy session, she changed again, and she changed in an amazing way. She became a lot more accepting and happier. She also started to let me dress a little more feminine and she did get me a few more clothes. She actually ended up setting an appointment for the hospital. My appointment is this Friday and I'm very excited!! She feels that she's okay with me taking antiandrogens (testosterone blockers), but she's not sure about the hormones. My mom wants me to be living full time as a female by my senior year in high school (I'm about to be a junior, so my mom is pretty much setting up a year plan). She also said that around next year in the summer, I can start wearing skirts and dresses and that just excites me so much. Therapy has been amazing to me and I've slowly started to become more calm and happier. My mom said that I've matured so much and my therapist pointed out that I look more relaxed and happier every session I go to. I'm also way less active on social media now, because I don't really feel the need to go on there a lot anymore. I actually even deactivated my facebook, and I've felt way more free ever since doing that. Things in my life are going amazing right now, and I'm just so happy and I feel so strong and I feel like I love myself more than I ever did. Thank you to anyone who's actually read all of this. <3
     
  2. HM03

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Glad your mom is starting to come around and things are getting better. (*hug*)
     
  3. Aloki

    Regular Member

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    I'm happy for you ^^
    I hope everything will be okay in the future too :wink:

    You're really courageous, I personally think that I won't ever come out to my mother about my gender identity, since she did not react well at all when I told her about my romantic orientation ;_;