Is it homophobic to hate yourself for not being straight?

This is called internalized homophobia- homophobia toward yourself. It's not always a hateful thing, but rather can be caused by shame.

Personally, I like my sexuality and would never want to ever touch a man, but It's a common feeling when you first discover it.

 

Why not enjoy bisexuality? I think it's incredibly fun. :3

 

I like my sexuality and I wouldn't change it.

You have internalized homophobia, it's basically the result of society telling you that a certain part of you is wrong. Another example would be internalized racism.

My advice would be surrounding yourself with other LGBT in something like a club, so that you'll slowly begin to accept yourself

 

Yeah, I'm currently going through that too. I feel like I made a huge mistake on coming out and should've just said I was straight. I just don't really feel normal at all with the gay thing and when I think about my future, I just wish I could be normal and marry a guy. I know I'm not attracted to them but I think my life would be easier if I did. It's weird that I'm thinking about it now when I thought I did accept myself long ago and was proud to be gay. I don't know, it just feels like I made a mistake with it all. Anyways, I'm sorry for this mumbo jumbo but I felt like sharing what I felt and you're not the only one struggling. I'll stop talking now, ha ha.

 

Same for me, but from the male side. I accept that I'm most likely better off settling down with the right guy, since this is my truth. But if I was attracted to women, a lot of things in life would be so much simpler/easier. That's just the constant gay struggle though. (*hug*)

 

I struggle with this constantly.

I try to accept myself, and I think I do okay at it. I really can't be open about it much though, some members of my family try to bring it up and show support, but the conversation makes me feel uneasy for some reason and so I just keep all my thoughts to myself.

I'm not an expressive person anyways and I bottle everything up so I dunno...

Hell that little tiff I got into earlier on the forum ( which will go unmentioned ) Actually sorta set off a little internal bout for awhile where I started to really freak out about not liking the fact I'm not straight ^^"

 

Being lgbt is basically the feather that broke the camel's back, in regards to my life. It's just ruined e'rything. So I know the feeling but, yes it is, to a degree.

 

You shouldn't ever hate yourself. You're the only you you've got and this is the only life you will have. You just have to accept the things you may find as less ideal, but cannot change. It may be hard but it's the healthy thing to do. Having attraction to the same sex is not that big of a deal. You can still have a great, fulfilling life. I think everyone is right. Sounds like you are ashamed to have attraction to guys. I don't think it means you're a homophobe toward others. However, you may be a homophobe to yourself (homophobe is literally being scared of gay people). Anyways, I don't know what else to say except eventually you'll come to accept that aspect of yourself. You should do it soon before you waste too much time disliking yourself.

 

I also have internalized homophobia. I don't necessarily hate myself for being queer, but I do feel ashamed of my same sex attractions, fantasies, etc. Honestly, time and, as others have said, surrounding yourself with good people will help.

 

Yes. It is homophobic, of the internalized variety, as others have suggested. The thing to remember though is that homophobia, like racism, sexism, classicism etc. is not only something basically that one does but also something that is done to one, a whole set of societal constructs that to differing degrees constrain both sides.

I'm trying to think how to best say this and the only thing I can think of is to tell a story as an example. My partner and I attended a large party for my parents' fiftieth wedding anniversary. My parents live in Utah and were vary active members in the Mormon church, so the vast majority of attendees were Mormon. My partner and I were a bit of a sensation as many of the people in attendance had never met him and had not seen me for a very long time. So we sort of sat there and held court. Everyone was very cordial. Finally one woman came up and was visiting for a while. She was the mother of a schoolmate of mine and it was nice to see her. She seemed sort of unusually interested in our relationship. At that point (it was years ago) we had already been together for several years, had recently purchased our first home and it was just sort of really obvious how in love we were. Finally the woman broke down in tears and had to be escorted out. I had no idea what was going on so finally I cornered my Mother and basically asked her WTF? That's when I found out that her daughter had been killed in a car accident shortly after I left home. Shortly after that--perhaps spurred on by a reminder that life can be short--her son came out. As good Mormons they tried to help him overcome his same sex attractions. Her husband was particularly nasty in his rejection of his son's "lifestyle choice." Eventually, it drove the son away. She hadn't seen him in years and it seemed likely she never would again. She hated her husband for his roll in breaking up their family, but now with both her children gone this man that she had grown to hate was all she had left. My partner and I sitting in my parents' garden drinking lemonade and eating cookies and chatting with their friends was just too powerful of a reminder that it all could have gone differently.

I don't honestly encounter a lot of blatant homophobia in my life but when I do I think of this woman. Homophobia is bad--I would go so far as to say it is evil--but that doesn't mean it divides up people into good camps and bad. It just does evil to everyone it encounters. Some people would look at this woman and say she was a homophobe. Some would say she was a bad mother. I look at her and see someone who has suffered more from the existence of homophobia than I ever have or ever will.

I don't mean to be fatalistic--people rise about their ideological circumstances all the time. But it takes work and, often, new ideological circumstances. I think we all need to cut ourselves a bit of slack, and frankly I think we need to cut other people the same sort of slack.

 

This is called internalized homophobia and it's fairly common among LGBT people, especially when you first start coming out to yourself.
Self-acceptance comes with time, but surrounding yourself with other LGBT people can also help.

 

Yeah, the term for this is internalized homophobia, and many people will go through it, even if you are not usually homophobic. I supported gay rights even when I was 7 or 8, and when I was 13 and 14 I had a bunch of self-hate. I'm glad I've gotten through it however, and I love myself more than ever.

 

Denial.

 

I would suggest consulting someone you can put your entire trust on. Remember also that you'll never be able to do to others what you haven't done to yourself yet—in your case, acceptance.

 

Yup...pretty much the definition of internalized homophobia. A good therapist should be able to help you tease it apart.