I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'd be happy in a polyamorous relationship, and I'd probably prefer it over monogamy. But since I'm barely 16 at the moment, I don't plan on trying that out any time soon. (On a side note, I don't really plan on joining the dating pool until I'm 18, anyways, to avoid conflict with my parents. But that's somewhat unrelated.) In general, I honestly don't think that multiple teenagers would be able to handle a healthy, polyamorous relationship. I mean, the teenagers I'm around most of the time can barely handle monogamous relationships in the first place. Most teenagers are still a bit unstable, I think. All those hormones and all that. You know. (Please don't take me seriously. I do not wish to offend anyone. I am a hormonal teenager myself, and I also realize that plenty of teenagers are very mature for their age.) So I'm just curious on what other people's thoughts are on this, and I wanted to start a discussion. Whether you're polyamorous or not, teenager or adult, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you think that polyamorous dating could work between teenagers? Or do you think teens interested in polyamory should wait until they're adults to go for it? (I'd also like to clarify that I'm not asking for advice, I've already made this decision for myself. I'd just like to hear some other opinions on it, since I haven't had the chance to discuss this with anyone yet.)
I have no problems with polyamory, as long as all parties are fine with it. edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory#As_a_practice this wikipedia article was very insightful, I just read it
I'm a teenager and it's already hard enough finding 1 person that doesn't say "I love you" after 5 minutes let alone 2 people
I think maybe wait a bit. Those kinds of relationships usually takes commitments and usually teens are no good with that. If they want to, then they might as well go ahead, I may disapprove but if it's not affecting me then I don't really get a say in what goes on, now do I?
There's nothing inherently wrong with polyamory. One absolutely necessary (and difficult to find) element of a successful polyamorous relationship is really good communication, with openness, vulnerability, and authenticity. The problem is... that's usually pretty hard to find among younger people, particularly younger gay people. This is due to the wounds most of us have from internalized homophobia, things we've seen or heard growing up, and so forth. It creates insecurities, jealousy, fear, and other things that get in the way of the openness needed to communicate honestly about the relationships. It's hard enough with a dyad. Even harder with a triad. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, only that it may take you some time to find the right people to be with to make it a healthy, emotionally open and authentic relationship.
To each their own, but I would never be in a polyamorous relationship. Yeah... I'm not much of a sharer.
I agree that teens should probably hold off on poly, they can't even handle monogamy most of the time and those relationships never last. I'm not saying teens should never date, but It's hard to expect them to be serious about it.
I don't personally think teens should go for it just because they're still trying to figure out how to make a monogamous relationship work...as for me I couldn't be in a polyamorous relationship just becaus I'm too much of a jealous person and that just wouldn't work out. If other people want to try it I say go for it but it's definetly not for everyone.
I think it's impressive that you've realized this as early in life as you have. I think Chip makes excellent points about the challenges of poly relationships generally, and how they relate to teens. I also think, though, that "holding off a bit" fits well with your stated plan not to date at all until you're older. Here is what I might advise as a plan whenever dating does enter the scene for you (whether in 3 years, 1 year, 2 months, or 2 weeks): (1) Don't date looking for commitment...date to explore relationships and to have fun. (2) Be completely honest and up-front about the fact that you are not looking for commitment at this stage of your life. (3) Be completely honest and up-front about the fact that you don't intend to be monogamous with anyone, possibly ever. (4) If a partner seems to be getting closer to you than you're comfortable with, don't hesitate to remind them that you won't commit to monogamy with them. End the relationship if necessary. (5) If you find yourself getting close to someone, and would like to form some kind of commitment with them, discuss that with them, discuss together what that means to you and what you'd like it to mean. Ultimately, polyamory is about deep commitment to one or more people (among two or more people). Don't be in a rush to get that started, because it takes time and care to find the right kinds of people. But also don't hold back when you think you've found a right person.
I think it's better to pursue polyamory than to force yourself into a monogamous relationship which doesn't feel right. Any relationship is about being honest with a partner. If you enter a monogamous relationship that you're unable to fully commit to, then that's unfair on your partner who may need that level of commitment. It very much sounds like you've made your mind up, so if its a route you're going down, make sure to be clear where you stand on the matter with partners. Also I'd say the above comment of the difficulty of having a fulfilling poly relationship as a teenager is pretty much bang on the money.
Yeah, that's a good way to put it. I mean, there are definitely some people who have it figured out, I think, but the majority of teenagers are still discovering what they like and how to make it work. People can really get hurt in an unhealthy polyamorous relationship, and even as an adult, I'm guessing it's a little tricky. Thank you for this! Since I'm not dating yet, I'm making a point to learn as much as possible about healthy relationships for now, haha. I'm not too sure about monogamy yet, honestly. I don't know if I'd want to get married or not, and I have no idea if someone will come along that I want to be romantic with for the rest of my life. But I'm still young, so I kind of plan to just wing it and see what happens. Probably not the best approach in certain situations, but that's kind of my general attitude towards the start of my adult life. We'll see how that works out for me. Although, as far as commitment goes, I think you can be committed to more than one person. Personally, I could see myself being with two or three specific people in the long run, as long as everyone is happily on board. (I believe 'group marriage' is even legal in some places, although not where I am, so I guess that's not happening anytime soon.) But I suppose the word "commitment" is different for different people, so one would definitely have to be clear that they're not strictly monogamous.
