Do Preferences Make You a Bad Person?

Well I'm thinking about my own preferences at the moment; notably, I'm not sure I have/could have any romantic feelings for non-males.

My preferences are just part of who I am It doesn't make me good or bad, it just makes me me.

If you have some self-esteem issues, it's good to talk it out!
I think you always write interesting posts here and I like reading them
(*hug*)

 

That would depend on what your definition of "bad" is. If you mean that it literally is wrong in some way that you would have such preferences, I would say no. I don't think that's wrong.

But if you mean that some people may not like that, then sure. There is no way to exist without pissing some people off. And if it is a bad thing in your mind that other people dislike you, then there's your answer.

Preferences are just that: preferences. It's our personal filter of the world and we cannot help but have them. Arguing over preference and opinion is completely ludicrous, because everyone has them (whether they admit it or not).

For your "type" of person that you say you prefer... I think that's just part of your attraction, the kind of person you think is beautiful. That certainly doesn't mean that people outside of that type cannot be beautiful either, it is just that what you have described tends to appeal the most to you personally. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I've thought a lot about these questions too. In short, no I don't think it's selfish unless you're somehow harming, putting down, or otherwise being a jerk to those who don't fit into your preferred "category." It is nothing more than being instinctively drawn to a particular version of a thing over another. Like having a favorite color.

 

No it doesn't.

 

No, you're not a bad person for it. I have preferences as do many people and it's like, why would I want to be with someone who I may not feel attracted to in the first place? It's not that I don't like 'em but I feel more happier when I'm with someone who I know I'll like.

 

You like who you like. That doesn't make you good or bad. It makes it you.

 

No, everyone has their own physical and emotional tastes in people; it just makes you you.

 

Well, the beta alpha male thing is a complete fallacy, wolves have no alphas in their packs in fact. It's simply a myth to allow males to treat women like shit because it's, "natural". I would say it isn't wrong, but it sucks that those preferences are likely to aid stereotypes being preserved even more.

 

No, of course it doesn't! You like what you like.

 

I am interested in this part- how is it possible to like both sensitive and 'asshole' types...?
And I just don't get it how can somebody be attracted to something that they define in negative terms?! when I see somebody I'd describe as 'asshole' I want to punch them- & not bed them - how does this work?! explain please!

and to answer your question- yes, we all have preferences- of course it is not bad!

 

We all have preferences. Some will be deal-breakers and others will not be.

I only feel like a bad person when someone finds out about my preferences and realizes I either can't date them, or I will date them but my preferences aren't good enough for them.

This happened with an ex of mine- the size of her breasts were not my preference and weren't at all a turn-on if they belonged to anyone else, but I was willing to give the relationship a try. We ended up breaking up for that reason anyway, but it was her doing. Her being constantly insecure, wanting to change her body, and refusing to believe she was attractive at all. This is what makes you really feel bad about your tastes.

 

Of course not; preferences are what makes us who we are - and everyone has them. Humans are biased creatures; and so are many other types of life as well.

Just don't let your preferences have the ability to harm you and be careful with them; because sometimes what we desire is not what we need.

 

no you are not a bad person. Everyone around the world has their own preferences when it comes to dating. Even I have preferences as well.

 

It doesn't make you a bad person, you can't control your preferences. Everyone has them. Which doesn't mean that you couldn't fall for someone who isn't your exact type, that happens too, and it's normal. It's probably hard to find someone who perfectly fits all the standards anyway.
I personally don't have much preferences, as long as they're a nice person lol. Besides that, I don't really care. With guys I don't have a preference at all, physically or personality wise. With girls I just know I prefer tomboys, but other than that it's whatever.
However, despite not having much preferences, there's very few people that I'm actually attracted to. So yeah, don't feel bad about your preferences x)

 

I think it's important to examine your preferences, and ask yourself why they are. Some might be inborn, but others are shaped by our surroundings and experiences.

Also, preferences themselves might be problematic (see fetishism). It simply means that you have a higher propensity towards a type, not that you would never go outside of it, when a lot of people use them interchangeably.

They can also change, so it's not always something absolute.

 

What preferences aren't selfish? In choosing a mate, you necessarily consider how that person will affect you and benefit you. Does that not make the selection process inherently selfish? I don't believe that labeling things as "selfish" is particularly useful, given that one could construe almost anything as being selfish, rendering it a pointless label. But there does seem to be some tendency to see having preferences as a fault or some measure of guilt. They shouldn't be. However, you shouldn't also be absolutely restricted to preferences. If you find someone you like and they fall outside of your normal preferences, why not give them a chance?

 

I'd like to add that our sexual preferences can be particularly blunt and specific because they reflect 1 of our most primal and instinctive desire afterall. Some people attempt to apply logic or personal beliefs to change their preference but there's honestly no need for that, as long as you arent being downright rude those who arent your type.

Whatever your preference whether it be height, weight, age (within reason) race or whatever, there's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone likes different stuff, whatever you like, embrace it and have a blast with it <3

 

I'd argue that social learning theory has a lot to do with it tbh, experiences sway your preferences towards certain things.

---------- Post added 22nd Jul 2015 at 10:30 AM ----------

I mean, back in old Europe era, overweight humans were more preferable, because it was a symbol of wealth. Similarly in Africa. Preferences are really mostly created by your surroundings.

 

I'm pretty sure almost everyone has a preference in what they like and they have their type. Itès totally normal. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY NOT A BAD PERSON FOR THAT.

 

All of this.

Preference can absolutely be innocent, but they can just as easily be products of what we as a society tend to glorify. Particularly, preference involving race, color, size, and gender expression. Having an appreciation for the physical and ethnic qualities that society generally tells you is most desirable can be coincidental, but exclusively feeling a desire to be with people who align with social bias is rarely coincidental.

Contrary to popular belief, you are also not born with preferences, nor are they unchangeable.