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Manipulation

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Chi and Bashful, Jul 22, 2015.

  1. Chi and Bashful

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    Have you ever considered yourself manipulative, are you still Manipulative, and hope do you deal with being manipulated?
    I would say manipulation was my go to way to get things done when I was younger I'm alot better now but some times I still slip up. And as for how I deal with it I usually know when its happening and how I deal with it depends on the person
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Self-knowledge is definitely a good first step, however, the way that you are able to get what you want through manipulation needs to be clarified. In other words, there is a fine line between manipulation and persuasion, or even seduction.

    So I checked online to find a definition of manipulation and this one from a Wikipedia entry on psychological manipulation seems to fit the bill quite nicely:

    If you are using "underhanded, deceptive or abusive tactics" then that is manipulation, and it is quite nasty. It usually arises from a lack of self-confidence, or a belief that this is the only way to get what you want. Trust me, it isn't.

    Getting what you want from others is not the problem, all of us, in order to simply survive, must get something from others, and the social bargain is that we are expected to give to others. You need therefore to learn the arts of persuasion and seduction as an alternative to the nasty habit of manipulation. Both of these methods are legitimate because they always permit the other person to consent, or not, to your request.
     
  3. Lawrence

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    Yes. I bit my dad when I was 2 years old, he dropped me, so I cried, and that got him into trouble with my mom!

    Although, seriously, I try to only manipulate people when I believe they truly deserve it.

    Manipulation is pretty intuitive for me. I've also been manipulated a lot of times.

    One of the strangest was I tried to "program" someone, only to realise that he was a sociopath and he was "programming" me, so I progressively distanced myself.
     
  4. Invidia

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    I think social manipulation is an interesting and quite uncomfortable phenomenon.

    I don't do it that much nowadays. Used to live a life like that though.
     
  5. Taly

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    I don't believe I've had the definitive (or at least harmful) intention to manipulate people; but I can't say I've never done it when under very adverse circumstances.
     
  6. Aspen

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    I realized a few years back that my mom is very emotionally manipulative. So recently I've become so as a defense mechanism against her. I'm aware of this and I work hard not to manipulate anyone else.
     
  7. The Wallflower

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    My mom and sister are the queen and princess of manipulation. I'd be lying if I said I didn't do it before, but I try to avoid it nowadays.
     
  8. Michael

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    In other words... We all have to decide for ourselves how much sin we can live with.

    They say in war and love anything goes.

    Still, you can't never be sure, during the game of seduction, what is really going on in someone else's head. Seduction can turn against you even before you realize what you have done. You might be as well helping someone to use a weapon against you. And then you tell me who is manipulating who...

    To decide what is manipulation depends on the particular meaning of the word for you. There are extremes : From the 'manipulation' of a politician, to the 'manipulation' of a humane doctor, just trying to speed up your recovery. At the end we will always identify somebody else's manipulation before we are even aware of our own. We tend to forgive ourselves as quickly as we go hunting for witches. At the end we are all guilty one way or another.
     
  9. Kaiser

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    Manipulation may get you things here and there, but it will leave you without fulfillment. You may have folks who do as you want, but they aren't doing it for you, they're doing it because of circumstances, even if you made them happen.

    It is lonely, frustrating, and exhausting. In the end.

    Blah, blah, blah... expanded...​
    Manipulation is something I do well. Very well.

    It is unfortunate that I cannot tell you, manipulation will lead you to failure. Because in my own life, manipulation has been the mechanism that has allowed me:

    - My job at the public library.
    - My weekly writing for the local newspaper.
    - Finally passing my Introduction to Psychology class.
    - Removed problematic individuals from my life.
    - Improved my environment.

    While I don't do it all the time, like I used to. I do hit a brick wall sometimes and realize, if I take the moral high road, I'll continually be waiting or replaced. It's difficult for me, because when I do make an effort to be fair and considerate, when it really counts, manipulation has typically saved the day. Not always, but more than enough.

    Nowadays, I mostly try and use it for positive reasons. Like turning a room or group of people's moods around, without them really noticing.

    It's hard for me not to want to manipulate, because, as I said, it is something I do very well. I get what I want, if I really want it. In fact, it was almost orgasmic moving people like puppets throughout my life, especially if they didn't know it. I used to justify this by saying, if somebody is smart/strong/clever enough, they'd realize and do something. Since most didn't, they deserved it, I'd tell myself. The few who would step up, I'd put them back down. Again, they couldn't stop it, so they deserved it, I'd say.

    Folks ask me, what is the most terrible thing you've ever done? There is a reason I don't say it, because the potential outcry would be deafening. But manipulation was involved.

    Being manipulative may earn you praise and even some admirers, but it will leave you isolated from trust and love. I live that life every day. Trust is something I won't receive, and why?

    There is a 'if you did it once, you can always do it again' stigma on me. And it isn't something I feel like forgetting about or sweeping under the rug either. While I'm not going to bring it up immediately, it will have to. I didn't just throw a fit until somebody gave me candy, I would meticulously plan on how to ruin somebody's entire day, for weeks. I have hurt people, emotionally and physically, just because I could -- and nobody was able to prevent it.

    That last part of your question. I may entertain somebody or milk them for information, but I don't get manipulated in the context you're speaking of. I've been there, done that, so it's easy to spot the signs. However, if somebody did manipulate me... well, I don't like to think about that, LOL.
     
  10. Cedar

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    I used to be pretty manipulative when I was younger, though after a point, I got fed up with it. So I decided to approach things a bit more honestly, even though things tend not to work out the way I hope by doing that. Oh well.
     
  11. CyanChachki

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    Sort of, but not really. Any kind of manipulative thing that's been done throughout me, has been from the choice of others, as in, it just happens. Like, if I where to start crying, I wouldn't cry just to get others to do what I wanted. If they do it because I'm crying, then that's their own choice. However, if they think they can call me manipulative because of that, then there's going to be some issues.
     
  12. newfish

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    Same. I definitely wouldn't say I have and couldn't think of an example, but maybe others could think of something I did without realizing it was manipulation.
     
  13. Steele

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    I used to be, and it's not a period of my life I like to reflect back on. It didn't hit me that I was being manipulative or just how wrong what I was doing was at the time. I think I was a pretty messed up person back then and I think I had a lot of issues to sort out.

    But I will say that being a manipulative piece of shit has taught me to recognize when someone else is being manipulative. I know every trick in the book, and I don't let the manipulators get the better of me. They've tried, and some of them probably still think they've succeeded, but they haven't, and I've chosen not to let them into my life until they own up to their bullshit and change their habits.
     
  14. Falklands Sheep

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    I'm not really a manipulative, but I've met some people that are extremely gullible, and sometimes I cant resist puppeteering them into doing hilarious stuff. It's more for the laughs than for personal benefit...

    Although I did talk my way into having people buy me steam games.