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Should it matter?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by thehudge, Jul 23, 2015.

  1. thehudge

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    Hi! So I have a general question...
    I'm a gay man and whenever I mention this, I get told "but you don't look/sound/act/dress gay".
    And I'm thinking "but how would that even look?!"
    I get told I'm 'too masculine to be gay' whatever that even means? :/
    From reading up online, I'm assuming it means I don't fit their stereotype. But then isn't that kind of...discriminating? I don't know.
    Personally I don't care how people look/act/dress/sound, as long as they don't hurt others. I'm just confused by this whole obsession with labelling lol, and why do we have to look or act a certain way in order for people to believe we're gay and attracted to men? Or the other way around for that matter..

    Has anyone else had anything like this? Or people trying to figure out who "the girl" in the relationship is, and vice versa? I'm not offended as such, just confused by it. It's very weird...I don't understand their reasons for it.
    Also asking "who's top and bottom?" lol like really?!
    I don't see why it should matter? :confused:
    Anyone else confused by this?
     
  2. CyanChachki

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    Yes, plenty of times. There have been so many people who've told me that I don't look like a man or that I'm simply too feminine when I tell them I'm transgender. It used to hurt. I used to get bothered by it but not anymore because it's who I am and I'll more than likely be the way I am forever, depending on how my future unfolds.

    The truth of the matter is, you don't need to act or dress a certain way to be who you are. You are gay and that's just it. Don't worry about what they think.
     
  3. The Wallflower

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    If I'm ever in a relationship, and someone asks me: ''Who's the girl?'' or ''Who's top and who's bottom?''

    I'll answer with: ''We're both boys, and why are you interested in my sex life?''

    No, it doesn't. It doesn't matter how you look, talk, act... as long as there's love.
     
  4. Cider

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    Whenever I tell people I'm bi they would forget that and introduce me to someone as one of their "gay friends." It's unbelievably annoying.
     
  5. thehudge

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    Oh wow...I'm glad I'm not alone in being confused by it, but I really do feel for you and can obviously understand it's annoying and hurtful!
    I wish those who aren't LGBTQ would at least try to be a little less ignorant and understand that everything isn't as black and white as "girl and boy" or "gay and straight".

    Yeah, as for the 'top or bottom' thing I have no idea why people want to know our sexual positions?! LOL these are usually the same ones who then complain about us even having sex in the first place?! :confused:
    You're all so right. It doesn't matter how we dress or act etc.
    I was just confused as to why people think it does? *Shrugs*
     
  6. Overcomplicated

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    It's odd how most people think that all gay people are effeminate (or masculine in the case of women), including some people who call themselves gay as well. I totally agree it's based on stereotyping, rooted in the fact that when most people think of a couple, they think of a man and a woman, so when they think of a gay couple, they feel that one of them has to be the "man" and the other the "woman".

    There are so many gay people out there that probably believe this stuff and live by it that it only helps to fuel the idea along. But it's impossible to label a group of people under one adjective, like calling all CEO's corrupt, so I don't get why people think that can apply here...
     
  7. alilnervous

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    Yes it's discrimination and it's bull****. No one should be expected to act a certain way because they are anything at all! *grumpy face*
     
  8. Bolt35

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    ALL THE DAMN TIME. well.....whenever they discover that fact. they also like to repeat it again after while when developing some short of a relationship. "OMG HUN YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE ONE!" -_-

    people are always going to stereotype regardless so, i just come up with new interesting approach to answer it just to keep myself entertained and remind myself not to take everything too seriously. of course i always remind them not everyone's the same way.
     
  9. thehudge

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    Yeah...I agree. I hate how that is. It even seems to apply to straight guys now? Lord knows how that even works!? But apparently if a straight guy shows any signs of caring about his girlfriend/wife, or if he even just looks young or well-dressed in a photo, he's immediately labelled that disgusting 'f' word we all know and love :dry:
    Apparently it's 'not manly', and is 'girly' to be a decent or caring male, and means you're 'ga'y lol? That doesn't help matters either. That makes no sense. Like how is 'gay' meant to be an insult??? :confused:

    Hmm I'm not sure why everyone's so obsessed with gender roles in relationships. Or at all, for that matter.
    Far as I'm concerned, if you're in a relationship/married, you're equals.
    Well we should be equals anyway lol.

    I've even met what could be considered effeminate straight guys.
    I don't know...People are just weird. It's not always a case of 'man and woman', as you pointed out. Wish people would stop with that mindset

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2015 at 08:37 PM ----------

    Ugh damn I'm sorry! It is so annoying...
    I'm into playing sports, going to the gym and listening to rock and metal music. Personally cannot stand pop or anything 'mainstream' like that. Plus I'm pierced quite a lot, and don't really take much time fussing over my appearance, so I of course face the "OMG YOU'RE GAY? YOU LOOK SO STRAIGHT". Lol what?!

    Oooh yeah, same here! It does get boring, so I guess making light of it is the best solution.
    When people ask that annoying 'giver or receiver?' or 'top or bottom?' question, I simply reply with "yep".
    They don't seem to get it :roflmao: so it amuses me even more :wink:

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2015 at 08:39 PM ----------

    Yeah, I thought so too.
    Totally agree! :/ Aww I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruffle feathers with this post! x
     
  10. mobrien1993

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    I get the whole you don't look act or sound gay thing almost everytime someone finds out I'm gay. I've gotten ever since I was 12...I hate it...not only does it make it harder for someone to realize I'm actually gay but it sucks for relationships because most girls just think I'm straight....the reason is I don't fit the stereotype..I have longer hair, wear makeup, loved to get dressed up and do girly things etc thins that most people don't associate with gay girls