The birthday curse: This is my second birthday that, during my party, we have gotten the call that a family member had died. When I was 13 my mother’s brother passed away. And today one of my other “Uncles”, Jim, passed away. Jim and the love of his life Danny are the only gay people I know, and even though they are not biologically related to us, they are very close to our family. Jim was the one who walked my mother down the isle at her wedding after the deaths of her father when she was 13, and adopted step-father four months later. We were eating cake when my sister tried to give my cat Mento ice-cream from a bowl, but I told her that he will only eat from a spoon. She said, “I was pretty sure that your cat was gay just by the way he walks and acts ‘pooferish’, but now I know he is by the way he demands to be pampered.” I was about to say, “It doesn’t matter, because his Puh-Pa is gay too, and I love him anyways” then storm out to my limo and disappear. As I opened my mouth to speak, the phone rang; it was Danny… My plan came crashing down as I learned that one of my only gay peers was of the no longer, and would only roam with the side-hill-dodgers of the ridge from now, until the woof-a-spoof comes to wag his tail. (You wouldn’t understand if I told you) I didn’t even want a birthday this year. I asked for nothing, and only prayed that in the end, things would be ok when I came out on my 18th birthday. I was again surprised with a party and presents, and a black cloud of death, in celebration of my cursed, bastard-birth. When some blow out their candles, they wish for pleasure and happiness. I only wish I could go away.
My condolences for you and those in your family. Although it is normal to associate the two events with one another, you really should separate them. Consider those whose birthday falls on dates of well-known tragedies. They shouldn't feel the need to quit celebrating, should they? If nothing else, consider that with Jim's death, that you will have the opportunity to come out while discussing a germane topic. Jim's death will likely spark several conversations that will celebrate his life. Take the opportunity to use this as a segue for your own discussion.
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss... and I know you're having a hard time of things right now. And it is an awful coincidence that there have been two deaths on your birthday. I'm not sure I have this straight, but haven't you told us about uncle Jim before? Had he been sick for a while? Maybe I'm thinking of someone else, and if I've got this confused - forgive me. But perhaps there's something symbolic - not necessarily negative - about him passing on your birthday. His long period of suffering ended, and you'll never forget him - as long as you live - as you'll always (hopefully fondly) remember him on your birthday. I don't want to diminish how much pain you must be in, but your family and friends do care enough about you to have arranged a surprise party and bought gifts, etc. There's got to be something positive in that somewhere... Oh, and many 'happier' returns of the day, WW. (*hug*)
