Can Bisexuals call themselves 'gay'?

I've sort've come to realize that I am slightly bisexual and I still call myself gay because there's such a large difference between the amount I like males compared to females.

I think I rushed into labeling myself gay, when I always knew I liked girls a bit, and I always felt different from the majority of gay people too.

I still just call myself gay though, if I found a girl I liked, dated....etc, then I would call myself bisexual, but it's only really been guys so far. I had this realization when I caught myself looking at lesbian porn AGAIN, I do it a couple times a month and never paid attention to it till now. I also catch myself checking out good looking girls, and getting nervous/butterflies around them,so I actually am slightly interested in girls.... it's just easier to call myself gay.

 

Well historically 'gay' meant a kind of umbrella term for all non-straight people- but this had to do with basically bisexuality being erased and not really being taken seriously.

Bi people also claimed the gay label to 'stand up and be counted' when it came to gay rights- so 'bi' was seen as a subset of gay. Because really bisexual people are also suffering from homophobia and lack of rights, just as gay people.

But bi people always faced biphobia- because their bisexuality was dismissed in this context as phase or 'not being true to the cause' etc. I guess because of bisexuality not being taken seriously back then, bi people had a slightly easier time being accepted under the gay umbrella.
Today the function of 'gay' as an umbrella term has kind of diminished- and has been replaced in some instances with 'queer', or simply 'LGBT', hence a lot of bi activists get their knickers in a twist over 'gay marriage'- rather than 'same sex marriage'- because this is seen as reinforcing the idea that only homosexual people get into same sex relationships, rather than acknowledging that bi people do it as well.

In addition to that the lesbian community has become even more particular about who can use that word-you still get very uptight types who would eat alive any woman who is not absolutely exclusively lesbian in any form of attraction, calling herself gay- even a tiny bit of attraction to the opposite sex will make you subject of policing etc.

Sure there are somehow bi women who are not interested in being with men calling themselves gay- but they often face hostility.
Its a double bind- call yourself gay- be accused of being a liar, even if you have no interest in being with the opposite sex. Call yourself bi, nobody wants to date you because the assumption is you will end up with a guy anyway.

I have no idea how it is with guys- so I don't comment on that.

 

I would say it works in some cases

Usually when someone asks me if I'm gay ( which happens pretty often for some reason ) I usually give some variation of "Kinda" as my answer.

 

It sucks- and the community needs to sort itself out over this, because it affects both gay and bi people.
In a world which kind of rams being with the opposite sex down our metaphorical throats a lot of us take detours through being with the opposite sex to finding our sexuality- it is unavoidable, and yet people get treated as second category citizens over this.
It frankly makes the whole group feel a bit unpleasant and nasty- and then they moan that no bi girls want to date women, which justifies this attitude. Meh.

 

This might be an unpopular opinion, but in my opinion- no they shouldn't because gay means that you are homosexual. Being gay is not "being attracted to the same sex", it is "being exclusively attracted to the same sex and excluding the opposite sex from your sexuality".

Unfortunately, many straight people use the term gay as an umbrella term but It's not. And the only reason It's an umbrella term is because straight people only think of homosexuals when they hear 'LGBT' community and believe that bisexuals don't exist at all. Most gay people will never say 'gay marriage'- I don't. I say same-sex marriage.

Furthermore, it is also homophobic in It's own right since gay people are constantly forced and pressured into being with the opposite sex constantly. If I say I'm gay and a bisexual says they're also gay.....then straight men will think "gay" means that you are available to men. This behavior has promoted and caused real lesbians to be raped by straight men "cause a bi girl told me she was gay, so why can't you fuck men too"?

So while I'm strongly against people doing this, I can't stop them. It just means that the term "gay" or "lesbian" no longer feels safe for me, and I will have to label myself as homosexual to feel like I have a term of my own that safely excludes men.

And another thing, if bisexuals can call themselves gay, can they also call themselves straight? I mean, it makes sense. You're still attracted to the opposite sex, which is a straight trait and you are a part of the straight community. But yet, I see so few that will admit this or follow this.

 

I think anyone who's going to Rape someone isn't really going to care what sexual orientation they are. They care about what sexual orientation they themselves are I imagine, but I don't think they much care in tersm of their victim.

 

Well what would you advise then to women who might have some bi-ness in their orientation, but who are socially lesbian- eg have no interest in being with the opposite sex in any way, be it sexual or romantic. Surely they also deserve a term which excludes them from the presumption that they are available to men, or even interested in being with them? what is that term?

I think it is somehow *phobic to assume that bisexual women are interested in being 'available to men'. Most women are not interested in being available to anyone who they are not attracted to.

 

Wasn't talking about lesbians who are heteroflexible, kinsey 5, technically bi but celibate, etc.

However, the thread is about true bisexual women who have the same romantic and sexual desire for men as heterosexual women, so no, I don't think "gay" belongs to those ones just because they are included in our community. It's also biphobic and contributes to bi erasure. I mean should we call bisexual girls "straight" because they like men and because some of them prefer men/'prefer to avoid LGBT politics?

I'm just upset with the true bi girls doing this (as in the ones who are like heterosexual women in regards to how they feel about men) because it takes a label away from me that I desperately need in a society that wants to force dick down my throat. I want my sexuality to be more about excluding men than about liking women...because people already understand the latter. They don't understand the former and spread hate and homophobia toward me for that reason alone.

 

If you want to be technical about it, I am bisexual. However I identify as gay. The reason I identify as gay is that my attraction to men is much stronger. Really the only type of woman I am attracted to is the athletic muscular type. I'm not talking the big body builder type, I am talking more like the girls that do CrossFit.

I have a friend in this category, and it took me a long time to reconcile my attraction toward her. What it came down to, is that yes I would enjoy having sex with her, however I know a relationship would never work. Why because I really want to be with a man, I can't describe it, but I just know that is what I want. Thus why I identify as gay.

Though I have a friend who says I am gay, but straight curious. I could go with that.

 

I think that bisexuals calling themselves gay is exactly no better and no worse than gay people calling themselves bisexual.

Both misnomers serve convenience rather than truth.

 

Due to bi-erasure, people at my men's group call me gay anyways. Other people that I have come out to call me gay as well even though I am bi. I am kind of done correcting people.

I see both sides, but I don't want to keep correcting people. Because normally the people who call me "gay" are affirming of me liking guys or at the least don't care. Why would I want to burn bridges with allies?

Just my $.02, but it's not something I get worked up over anymore. I prefer being called bi by others because it is what I am, but I think sometimes you have to go with the flow.

 

That would make me pretty angry if some of my friends completely disregarded my sexuality and called me something I wasn't.

Honestly, it makes me sad to see that some people in the LGBT community are sometimes no better than homophobes out there.

 

If I was hypothetically at a bar and looking to pick up guys, I'd say that I'm gay, if I'm looking for girls, I'd say I'm straight, or if both bisexual. I wouldn't mind calling myself gay or straight.

 

As you well know I am sure Cider, people tend to think of binaries. They still don't full understand that there is a spectrum. It's like people who see black and white typically only see gay and straight I have found. Because of the fact that many gays have been out for between 30-50 years, society has had time to adapt to them. Which is great and helps us out. But once again, bi people are marginalized and not included in cable or network TV. When they are presented, they are flawed. You are more likely to see bi women than men, but they are seen as sex objects for men in a threesome or something.

 

I'd agree with this.

---------- Post added 26th Jul 2015 at 04:12 PM ----------

I see where you're coming from, but it's also a little disrespectful on their part. To discuss that you are MSM along your MSM experiences would be more accurate.

 

I've been told this a few times, and the last time someone did I kinda flipped out. I'm only a LITTLE BIT into men...like the difference in the amount of attraction I have to men compared to females is HUGE.

I don't want to spend my life with a man... and I've honestly started to question the Bi label a bit. Sexually I am(slightly) but romantically I'm not... it's confusing as hell. I wish I'd never started to think deeper on it a few months ago.

 

There is also a tendency for some people to see "gay" the way they see "black". I.e. if you are half-black, you're black. If you're a quarter black, you're black. The same thing goes for "gay". Thus, bisexuals are seen as "part gay", thus in the minds of some, they're "gay" entirely. It overrides any other part of a person's sexuality.

I don't agree with that kind of labeling, but it isn't uncommon.

 

They can call themselves whatever they want.

doesn't make it true necessarily, but hey, the point of labels is to simplify things. Not that bi is one of the more 'out there' labels but generally it's nice to respect what people identify themselves as.