Hey everyone I hope you're all okay. I am looking for a bit of input. I'm really scared of disappointing my parents by becoming a person that they may not totally approve of. I'm more or less concerned with how my mother will see me because my relationship with my father is dead (long story short, he's not a good person) and they are getting a divorce...but I guess his opinion will still have some impact on me. I'm bisexual. My mother found out through Ask.fm because she searched my last name and the town we live in to look for work or something about my father, I'm still not sure. My Ask.fm page came up because I had both of those things mentioned in my page. She read through my whole page, then found out I was using a different forum for LGBTQ+ Christians (I don't use it anymore...you'll see why later). She made me log her into that and she basically got offended that I felt more comfortable "telling complete strangers this stuff and not her" and that I judged her. I also lied about going to my school's GSA because I didn't know if she would let me go or not. I really understand why she was mad but it was very accusatory. This happened in November (2014) and then we had a fight about it in June because she decides to bring it up again, again in a very accusatory way. My mother is Christian, she doesn't really condone homosexuality and she thinks that all this legalized gay marriage and Caitlyn Jenner stuff is a sign of the "end days". She could be more conservative, but she isn't on board with it all and she makes it very obvious sometimes. Now she doesn't know this part...I'm an atheist. I used to be a Christian but around December (2014) I lost my faith and belief in God. A lot of things made me lose it, but I'm not going to get into that. I haven't been to church seriously in a long time. I have only come recently for Easter and for my younger brother's water baptism, and that's only because she made me go. I'm not going to lie, I don't consider myself an anti-theist because I don't like anti-theism at, but on a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being I have absolute belief that there definitely is no god and 10 being I have absolute belief that there definitely is a god...I'd have to say that I'm a 2 or 3. My mother was raised in church and takes her faith seriously. She is not particularly fond of atheists because the ones she always sees want to abolish religion, like Richard Dawkins or someone like that. She already thinks that I'm a struggling Christian and that makes her upset because I used to love going to church and praying. I don't know what she would think of me being an atheist. Of course, I have no plan of telling her anytime soon but still... Both my parents want me to get into a STEM-type of job. That's not where my heart is. I'm good at math and decent at science but I don't like either of those things. I don't know what I want to be, but I have no intention on becoming an engineer or architect. That's not what I'm passionate about and I don't want to be pressured into doing something I know I don't enjoy in the long run. So...that's currently on my mind. I don't know what to do about it, I don't want to be a "bad child" or anything like that. I would love to hear from the adults because you guys have experienced more and can offer better advice (no offense, children ) Um, yeah...have a nice day <3
Everything happens and people and situations come in your life for s reason, a,season, and a lifetime. All I can tell you is that with your mom, for a while you'll have to sit her done one day l, even if it's only for a minute or two. And if you're scared don't be, all you need is twenty seconds of courage. Sit down with her and you could probably say "Mom, do you think we could talk" when or if she says yes, you say. "Well, I just wanted you to know( insert verbal diarrhea here). Then I suppose you could say something like "I hope I didn't offend you in anyway shape or form, I just wanted you to know how I was feeling, how do you feel mom?" Sorry, that was me using suggestive dialogue. I really hope everything works out, you deserve to be comfortable and happy.
Hi Thank you so much for answering, I was scared that no one would. I'm thinking of doing that (having a talk) when I'm 18 or older and I don't stay at home anymore. I'm scared that doing it now will open the door to multiple conflicts and arguments. Do you think it's better to have it now?
I have read through all of your post and I can see where you are coming from. At the end of the day though, you only get one life. You have to make the best decisions for yourself and what you want for your own future because you are the one who will have to live it. Not your Mom or your Dad, you. The funny thing about disappointment is that it fades over time, so even if they are disappointed at first time will heal the wounds.
Hey, I was so scared of disappointing my parents too... Which I have done both in a sexual and religious sense. However, this is YOUR LIFE. The thought that really pushed me out of the closet was time. I didnt want to watch my life go by without being me. Your parents will be dead and gone in 40ish years maybe, leaving you only half a life to live without fear of disappointing someone. When they're dead, there's no one to seek approval from except yourself. I know that's kinda dark but it helped me. Best of luck
You can't let your desire for someone's approval or the fear of their disapproval shape your life or your actions. It does not matter if she is your mother. This is your life, the only one you've got, and it's finite. You can spend it living for someone else, or you can spend it living for you. Unfortunately, we don't have the power to shape the feelings and beliefs of others. It would be wonderful if people could love us for who we are, but that isn't the reality that we live in. So, at some point in our lives we have to make a decision, and that decision involves weighing what other people think of us against what we want out of life. You have some idea of what you want, and so now all you have to do is find the courage to pursue it. I'm not saying you should tell your mother any of this, because after all, you are still a minor and she has a lot of power over you as a result. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep your eyes focused firmly ahead on the future. You're fifteen years old. Soon you'll be a legal adult, and you'll be off at college. Once at college, you'll be free from her and you'll have more of an opportunity to live your life as you see fit. Her power over you will diminish significantly. As for what you want to do with your life, it's okay if you don't have the answer right now. It's a good thing that you know that you don't want to enter a STEM-field. That narrows things down for you. When it comes to decisions like this there are three types of people: those who have jobs, those who have careers, and those who have callings. For those who have jobs, it's just about paying the bills. You may find yourself in this situation, ideally, only temporarily. For those who have careers, it is about both money and identity. For someone who holds a career, it's part of who they are, and it shapes how they see and identify with the world. They desire the respect and adulation of their peers. For those who have callings, things are very different. For these people it's not about money or the respect of peers, it's about passion. The passion of the calling is what drives you, and 'work' is not a 'job' and neither is it an 'identity' -- it will feel like the reason for your existence. It will be what wakes you up in the morning, and what you look forward to doing everyday for the rest of your life. If you are lucky you will discover your calling, but to do that you have to discover your passion. To find that, you must explore your interests. Eventually, you will find something that speaks to you. So read, explore new ideas, and see what sparks your interests then learn more about those things. Along the way you will find your passion. Sometimes, if I get discouraged, I use this video as a pep talk. It helps me confront all the excuses that I throw out. Whenever I am afraid to take a necessary step, I watch this video. Maybe it will be useful to you as well.
