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Why does bisexuality make people, both gay and straight, uncomfortable?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Starwind78, Aug 3, 2015.

  1. Starwind78

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    Why It's Hard To Talk About My Bisexuality http://www.buzzfeed.com/catiedisabato/everything-slides-away?utm_term=.ftkjD4aeln

    Good article talking about the experience of a bisexual woman. The dismissive, rather than outright hostile, attitudes are what got me the most. I wanted to punch the "You're young. You'll get over it." date guy in the face.

    But it got me thinking - why is bisexuality so difficult to understand and accept?


    I think negative attitude toward bisexuality as well as homophobia in general may actually have a lot to do with gender roles. Homosexuality upsets them, but bisexuality even moreso.

    Being the "passive recipient" of penetration has always been treated with more scorn. Slurs against gay men who bottom have always been extremely vitriolic and approximate, if not copy, what you hear about women. I think people are moving past the idea that sex/gender needs to be linked to dominance and passiveness, but it's still seen as something that shouldn't ever change in a person's life. To people in the LGBT community, gender roles and sex positions aren't usually so strict, but they are in hetero normative culture.


    To someone who believes in strict sex roles and has no clue that LGBTQ people don't automatically follow them. The idea that someone can move between being the "passive" and "dominant" position wigs them out because they view these roles as unchangeable and innate.


    Of course, it could just be the classic ignorance->fear thing, but I just don't feel that provides a strong enough motive.
     
  2. Linthras

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    Simply put; it's outside their frame of reference.
    Gay and straight people are mono-sexual, that is to say, exclusively attracted to one gender.
    As a result, while they might understand the concept of bisexuality, intellectually, they have no emotional/experiential frame of reference to empathise with.

    Then there's the cultivated stereotypes, which I'm sure you're aware of.

    Read that article a while ago. Quite decent.
     
  3. Kaiser

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    From another thread on this topic:

    Then you have the whole 'bisexuals like both men and women = bisexuals need both men and women' mentality, which really eats away at the confidence of some folks. This is taken even further when people believe bisexuals, just by potentially liking both men and women, need them both at the same time, or else we aren't being satisfied.

    It's hilarious... in a sad sort of way... that bisexuals can be thought of in this way. The irony is lost...

    Then you have those who indulge in same-sex behavior, for whatever reason, wind up with the opposite sex and, BAM, folks cling to that as a typical 'just a phase' moment of life. Tack on those who are 'just curious' or 'gay, only when drunk', and you can see where the resentment comes from. But just because most of society perceives a gay man as a FABULOUS DIVA, the LGBTs should realize, not all bisexuals are like that, just as all gay men aren't flaming stereotypes.

    There's even a radical theory that individuals are jealous of bisexuals. Not only can they potentially 'like' anybody, but if things get too tough, they can slip into the stream of heterosexuality. When things are fine, they can be a part of the non-heterosexual community. This ability may also incite some who believe bisexuals have it easier

    Well, if we really did have it easier, why are we still having these types of discussions?
     
  4. Psaurus918

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    I know it sounds weird and I know I have no basis for this, it's just how I feel. When I'm on a dating site I'll skip by bisexuals because I feel like they might like men but they prefer women and if I was to date a bisexual guy he might leave me for a girl because that's what he rather want.

    Again, I know this isn't true and some bisexuals might prefer guys over girls and vice versa but it's just how I feel :-/
     
  5. Ryu

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    Well I suppose it's the whole idea of just black and white that some people have in their heads. Two things and no spectrum inbetween, so the hought of talking about people that don't fall i to one of two catagories might make people uncomfortable. It could also be commitment values, and people aren't fond of the idea because they may think that bisexuals don't commit as they may prefer one gender over the other, and therefor drop a relationship if a 'better' chance arises for them, so people may tend to avoid them.

    Anyway, bisexuality shouldn't make anybody uncomfortable, having loose socksand pants that go up your body should make you uncomfortable.
     
    #5 Ryu, Aug 3, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2015
  6. Maugz

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    I myself am Bisexual and i think people think the brain can only focus on one gender at a time...
    So i assume us Bisexuals are more evolved Aliens here to conquer the puny humans' race!
    :grin:

    No seriously, for me being bisexual is like wearing 2 socks but not from the same pair, I love it even if all the times after i took my shoes off people look at my socks and say I look ridiculous!
    And i'm like, you guys are just jealous i don't care enough to wear 2 of the same items
    *Winky wink wink*

    :grin:
     
  7. C P

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    Not gonna lie, I often find myself jealous as hell of bi/pan folk, and I'd bet that that is a more common thought than you'd think, particularly from the lgbt side of monosexuality(those who put themselves through hell trying to be attracted to the opposite sex).

    Even then, I don't believe any of the bullshit surrounding them though, so...
     
  8. Linthras

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    It might be how you feel, butt that's no excuse. It's something you need to work on.
    With all due respect, your reason is no different from a racist who 'just feels that way' about people of a different race.

    ---------- Post added 4th Aug 2015 at 01:10 AM ----------

    And this is so much nonsense. (Not saying you believe it.)
    Being bisexuals means that you can be attracted to "people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”
    - Robyn Ochs

    Just like straight people don't cheat as soon as they encounter someone with the prefered hair colour, so bisexual people don't cheat as soon as they encounter someone of the preferred gender.
    Not to mention that having a preferred gender is not true for every bisexual.
     
  9. QueerTransEnby

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    But then there's people like me who has had a monogamous relationship with not 1 but 2 men(although one was more a fwb due our closetedness) and no women. Kind of blows that whole theory away. Yeah?
     
  10. Cider

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    Wow.

    This is just :eek:
     
  11. celeste

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    I don't mean to be a rude but to see this ignorance is frustrating. You wouldn't give someone a chance just because of their sexuality, and just because of the off chance that they'll cheat on you with a woman?

    I know everyone has their own opinion but not giving anyone a chance because you're worried they'll cheat with *gasp* a woman sounds like something to do with you and paranoia, not bisexuals.
     
  12. Browncoat

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    Wizard's First Rule. Or what Linthras has said. Either one.
     
  13. Psaurus918

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    I never said cheat, ever. Clearly anyone can cheat regardless of sex or sexual preference. What I said is I feel like bisexuals date guys but might have a preference. Almost every post I've read about bisexuals is they like men and women but they "lean" towards one sex or the other. I could meet a guy whose bisexual and lean more towards men, but I could also meet a bisexual who would date other guys but prefer women and I would feel like he's "settling"

    I'm not saying I would never date someone whose bisexual, I just prefer gay guys.
     
  14. Linthras

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    Is that a Sword of Truth reference I see there?

    ---------- Post added 4th Aug 2015 at 02:05 AM ----------

    A distinction without difference in this case.
    You're insinuating that bisexuals can't find satisfaction with one gender/partner.
    You're asserting that bisexuals are somehow more likely to end a relationship because they want someone who fits their preference.
    Which is pure nonsense.
    Not to mention that not all bisexuals even have a preference for one gender over the other.

    An irrational feeling, unless you claim to be a mindreader.

    Appeal to personal ignorance/experience fallacy.


    Being bisexual =/= being polyamous, polyamourous or anti-commitment.
    Nor does it mean you want to have sex with both genders. It just mean you can be attracted to either/any gender.
    And again, not all bisexual people have a preference one way or the other.
    You're believing some of the worst bisexual stereotypes.
    You really need to work on that.

    Based on on irrational feelings and false stereotypes apparently.
     
  15. biAnnika

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    Hey, um. I'm bisexual, and I too am frustrated and annoyed with Psaurus's feelings about bisexuals. I totally agree with much of your analysis of the quoted post and the later one.

    But in both posts, you assert that he "needs to work on" something...that really isn't your call, I'm afraid, and you lose credibility over it. He might stand to benefit by working on it. But, unhappy as it might make both of us, the consequences to him of his *not* working on it are approximately negligible. I mean, sure, maybe his ideal life partner is out there and happens to be openly bi...but the odds are low.

    Stick to making good arguments, and let people decide for themselves what rises to the level of a priority for "working on".
     
  16. Wallace N

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    I don't see how there is really any difference between a bisexual leaving someone for the opposite gender and a homosexual leaving someone for someone else of the same gender. In either case, they are leaving you and it's for someone else. The gender of the person doesn't really matter, no?

    And even if a bisexual person has a preference for one gender, this doesn't mean that their attraction for a specific person of the other gender is any less.

    The only argument I could see being valid here is that a bisexual may be more likely to end up with someone of the opposite gender purely for the fact that an opposite-gender relationship is more favored by society. But even homosexuals end up in relationships like that for the same reasons.
     
  17. XenaxGabby

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    I'm only speaking for myself here but I'm really starting to hate the word "preference" when talking about bisexuality, because it sounds like a choice. It's like you're choosing which gender you would rather be with.

    This probably isn't completely on topic but it's something that's been on my mind.
     
  18. Wallace N

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    I don't think "preference" necessarily implies choice. One could refer to any sexual orientation as a "preference", really.

    "Preference" does however, sometimes imply that you like the other thing, just not as much. As in, you can like both rock and classical, but have a preference for classical (you still like rock, just not as much). If that's the wrong idea to get across, then I can see how it might not be the best term.

    But it's my understanding that little bisexuality is truly 50/50.
     
  19. celeste

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    I agree, when I was younger and I was struggling with my sexuality I felt jealous of people that were bisexual because it seemed like it was easier for them to come out, and they had to option to at least be in a straight relationship.

    I'm now fine with my sexuality of course, and I don't dislike anyone that likes more than one gender.
     
  20. CodeForLife

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    I don't see anything wrong with this so I'm not sure why exactly you're being attacked. :dry: Guess what, everyone has preferences, that's how the world works. :slight_smile: Not everyone is attracted to the same type of person, whether it's personality or looks.

    Based on your other posts on EC, I wouldn't say you have poor feelings towards any other orientation. You seem to be accepting and I'm glad to get your perspective on topics. I don't understand why you have to change your personal preference because other people take it personally.

    This is nothing like racism. Racism is hate towards other races. Is this judging people before you know them, possibly, but we all do that to some degree. If you did not know what orientation someone was, but you knew they were LGBTQ, I'm willing to bet you would give them a chance. And if you hit it off and had a real connection, I bet you would see past your internal perception of bisexuality. It sounds like you have an internal fear that bisexuals are more of a risk than gay people for finding a soulmate and I do understand that.

    Anyways, just wanted to say thanks for posting your thoughts. (*hug*)