I was sitting, thinking the other day about break up songs and it hit me.....Why do people get depressed after breakups if they know that there is so much fish in the sea and they may even find someone who is even better than their ex? Or maybe I'm just wondering this because I haven't been in a long term relationship yet. But can someone who has had a long-term relationship answer that for me?
I think it is all about the time shared and experiences that are sort of lost because thinking about it isn't so great because you broke up, it is almost like all those experiences feel invalid to reflect on positively. When you lose someone, whether you who left who, you both have a big hole missing. Who will I watch Netflix with now? Who will go get fat at Mcdonalds with me? Who will be there when I'm down? So sometimes feeling this intense loss makes it hard to think positively about finding someone else. Of course this all has variables, the length of relationship, how close you were/how integral to your life was the person, etc can all change how much of a loss it feels like. There is lots more I could probably say but my fingers are tired!
I think it depends on how the break up happened, I don't think people that do the dumping are affected much by breakups; it's most likely a relief. Being dumped though, when you are in love with someone, is a very hard thing to handle, it is almost like someone you love died; I know ridiculous example but that's what it feels like. You are used to having someone in your life, you get used to them being there, you develop memories, you develop feelings, and then one day it's over, and it can be quiet a shock to go from having them in your life to not having them. It really is hard to explain if you haven't experienced it, but your heart hurts a lot, and the only feeling I have experienced that is close to it is the death of my dog; luckily haven't experienced death of people close to me, but you just go into utter shock. Just imagine someone you love dearly disappearing from your life, you would be a little emotionally messed in the head, it's not like death because they're still alive, but it feels like they mind as well be because you aren't going to see them again, and it can be really tough to swallow. Imagine someone says you can no longer see your best friend anymore? You'd be pretty bummed out.
I agree with this 100%. Infact this is what I would have replied with I think! Especially the part i've bolded! Well said! x
For some of us, a relationship can be like finding a crimb in a haystack the size of a semi-truck (trailer included). Not only did we love said person, but some of us fear never being loved again.
When you breakup you're experiencing a loss, no different then when someone dies or moved away. They're no longer part of your life and for months you can expect them to be there. You have to begin anew which is scary, especially if you've been together awhile. You have to establish new routines by yourself. That person you depended on for emotional support is gone.
Logic can go out of the window when you're in a lot of emotional pain and you've lost a major source of oxytocin, so that's why you might not exactly feel like celebrating newfound free time and opportunities. You know that feeling when you haven't saved a file for several hours and you lose all that work? Multiply that feeling of disappointment ten thousand times and you're still not even close. Yeah, that's enough reason to feel sad, but now it's time to back the fun bus the fuck up because we're gonna run over some feelings... There's a deep stabbing pain in your chest, and it feels like someone owns a piece of your very soul. You literally can't stop crying for hours. You almost want to give up on love because you think it's the most sadistic thing in the universe. You think no relationship could ever be worth the seemingly endless waves of pain now crushing all your strength and making you feel as weak as a kitten. Forget playing video games or talking to your friends. You don't even want to eat. You think there is no life left in your body, and the pain is the only reminder that you're not dead yet. In my experience, the edge of the pain is gone after around 2 weeks, the worst of the pain is gone after a month, and almost all of the pain is gone after a year. I've accurately descried most of my breakups but one or two didn't really hurt me because my emotions were not really involved. Yeah, some people might read this and think "Wow, this guy is sooo dramatic!" But you should never underestimate how strongly love can affect you... people have died from broken hearts. Of course, it's not so bad if you remain friends after the breakup. My ex girlfriend and I had a pretty crazy breakup, but we reconnected after around a year. I think we really needed the break from each other! Despite what I've said, be brave and love with every fiber of your being. It's more than worth it.
