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Do You Know Someone Who Does Not Beleive In Bisexuality?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by BookWriter1994, Aug 10, 2015.

  1. BookWriter1994

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    My brother has a new roommate at his college and they haven't met yet but he says that the way that he has been texting that he might be gay. And I was like, okay, what if he is Bisexual and not gay? He was like, I do not believe in bisexuals. There is only either gay or straight to me. I was like, I know a ton of people who are bisexuals. He was like yea I know that there's a possibility but I just don't believe in it. I sighed and I was okay.

    Do you guys know anyone who does not believe in bisexuals?
     
  2. acciocarrie

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  3. Lyana

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    Hm.
    I've never met someone who outright said "I don't believe in it" or "Bisexual people don't exist." If I did, I would probably say, "Then what am I?"

    I have heard, "Everyone is a little bi," which I find rather annoying, and seems more like it's trying to ignore the bisexual identity. And it's pretty common for people to roll their eyes at a bi man and assume he's secretly gay.
     
  4. HM03

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    I've met a few people that don't understand it, but I think (?) they believed in it.
     
  5. Kaiser

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    With quips like that, that guy is destined for politics!
     
  6. Andrew99

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    Yea kinda.
     
  7. YuriBunny

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    Hm, no, I don't think so. But I do know people who say that 'everyone is a little bi'.
     
  8. biAnnika

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    Yeah, pretty much this.

    I've certainly met people online who've said they don't buy it. But I've never known anyone in real life who would say it out loud. I do wonder about my parents...but it's not clear.

    I've also heard (over and over, again mostly online, including on this site) "Everyone is a little bi," and I feel similarly to Lyana. I understand how gay (especially) and straight people feel the statement is invalidating *their* sexuality...but ironically, I think it does much more to invalidate bisexuality.
     
  9. loveislove01

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    I haven't met anyone who said "I don't believe bisexuality is real" but I've gotten some:
    "If you HAD to be gay or straight, which one?"
    "You kissed a girl and you haven't kissed a boy yet. You're gay."
    "If you're bi why do you choose to be gay? It's better to be straight."
     
  10. Gentlady

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    No but my mom always says she doesn't understand how it... "How does it work to be attracted to both? Like, are you attracted to two people at once?"
     
  11. NervousAsHeck

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    Yes, just found one today lol
     
  12. C P

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    I'm with Lyana in that I hear 'everyone is a little bi' more often, if not infinitely more, than I hear anything about bisexuality being nonexistent.

    I have to disagree with the bold however. I can see how it would also invalidate bisexuality to a degree but, context-wise, I see it more so used to invalidate monosexuality. I mean it isn't the most flattering way to put it, but it at least acknowledges bisexuality's existence (as legit)...while doing the opposite for monosexuality. You've even acknowledged yourself before how much damage that it causes countless gays who put themselves through absolute hell trying to be attracted to the opposite sex. What exactly is being done (to the level that you're making it out to be) to bisexuality with that? The only way I can see that is if you tack on something to the end(like that whole 'bi people will screw any and everything' nonsense); the statement otherwise does next to nothing to belittle bisexuals.
     
  13. Lyana

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    That's an interesting point of view, C P. Let me see if I can express how I feel more coherently. (I'm sorry, QuietStarlight, if I'm derailing a little.)

    In my experience, I've only ever heard it being used the other way around: someone comes out as bisexual (and it may very well have been very difficult for them to do it), and the other person reacts by saying, "Everyone is a little bi." And that, to me, is invalidating that someone's identity. Because if everyone is bi, then... no one is bi.

    They're not saying "No you're not," but they are saying, "You're no different from everyone else" and hence, basically considering you to be... straight. The default. So they are ignoring something that is maybe very important to the person's identity and experience. I suppose that's why I'm not fond of the term. It's not that I want to be unlike everyone else*, but it's simply true that not everyone (technically, no one) has had the same experiences as me.

    I've never taken offense when hearing this... But I'm just not a fan of the phrase. (Though, technically speaking, I suppose many people are "a little" bi, without actually being bi.)

    *I mean, I'd have no problem with everyone being bi. That sounds pretty cool to me.:badgrin:
     
  14. NervousAsHeck

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    I think its often a generation thing myself.
     
  15. C P

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    That's not considering you to be straight though then; it's considering you to be bi(even if it is used as some sorta 'default' phrase).

    I'm not saying that is completely harmless to bisexuality either way. I just don't agree with it being more invalidating towards bisexuality.
     
  16. Libra Neko

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    I was at an anime forum once; someone posted that believing in bisexuality is like believing in unicorns. Stupid.
     
  17. biAnnika

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    Let me try to clarify. First, there is an important difference between "everybody is actually bisexual [but just doesn't realize it]" (which is most often floated by bisexuals and does attempt to invalidate monosexuality) and "everybody is a little bit bi" (which is most often floated by straight people, and is in my mind the topic of this discussion).

    I see no incentive that straight people could possibly have in invalidating *their own sexuality*. Rather, they are equating their fleeting thoughts of "hey, he's *built*" or "my god, she's got a sexy ass" or "hey, I wonder what it would be like to suck a cock/eat a pussy" with bisexuals' legitimate attraction and interest in sex with both men and women. As Lyana says if everyone is bisexual, then really nobody is bisexual...we all have these interests, it's just that some people are weak/confused and cross that line behaviorally.

    They really have no more issue with the existence of gay people than they do with straight people. They know there are people who have modal same-sex attraction (however they may judge that). But they see someone like me with a long term same-sex partner and think "she's really a lesbian"...and if I was to have sex with a guy, they would have the same reaction as if I was straight and had sex with a woman: she's just confused/weak and crossed that line behaviorally.

    This is the sense in which I see this as invalidating bisexuality. They aren't really thinking monosexuality doesn't exist: it's (genuine) bisexuality that they are denying. I get where a monosexual (particularly a gay person) could hear it and see it as denying homosexuality. But I don't think that's what is really going on with this statement. And it *is* harmful to bisexuals, since many bisexuals also go through a phase of denial and attempts to overcome their sexuality, and hearing "oh, everyone feels that way [but decent folk don't act on it]" can get them to redouble their vain efforts.

    By contrast, I agree completely that "everyone is *really* bisexual" does invalidate monosexuality and ignores the struggle that many gays go through in trying to deny or overcome their same-sex attraction.

    Does this help?
     
    #17 biAnnika, Aug 10, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015
  18. Chiroptera

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    Yes. I have met some people that said to me something like: "No, you may like men or women, but not both! If your boyfriend is a man, you are gay, there is no such thing as bisexuality."

    Sometimes i suceed at explaining to them how it works, but some people aren't willing to listen.
     
  19. NervousAsHeck

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    It's just madness to me. There simply is no such thing as binary in life. It's always a continuum.

    That doesn't mean that there is not a describable difference between straight, bi or gay however, just that there are grey areas
     
    #19 NervousAsHeck, Aug 10, 2015
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  20. Linthras

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    No-one I know personally, AFAIK at leats, since the subject has come up a grand total of 1 time, when I came out to three of my friends and my parents.
    Otherwise it's never even come up.
    Did have one of the friends ask me if I was sure I wasn't gay, which sounds a bit biphobic but was more because she knew someone who used it as a stepping stone, rather than she did not believe it exists.
    I've met people on fora who don't believe in it though.

    Also agree with other posters; the 'everyone's a bit bi' and 'everyone's bisexual' memes needs to die in a fire.
    Even if you believe it's true, it's just as silly to 'correct' other people's stated orientations as it is when they do it to us bi folk.
     
    #20 Linthras, Aug 10, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015