Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly straight"

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

Well, first, you're making some sweeping generalizations that are doubtlessly inaccurate to some extent.

Also, if you're "only interested in women now", that might be something momentary. Sexuality is fluid for many. Your same-sex attractions are likely (but not certain) to resurface.

Do I think it's a good idea? Based on my personal ethics, no. I value sincerity. But from a utalitarian perspective... might be... at least in the short run...

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

My first-blush response was "it's never a good idea to lie about your sexuality." Of course, there are always extenuating circumstances (e.g., when it's life or death). But it's still not a good idea at those times...just maybe a necessary evil.

I also considered, "well, I guess it depends on what honesty means to you and what your sexuality means to you". Personally, I would never want to be with someone who didn't understand and was ok with my sexuality. If I thought they were great, but then they found out about my sexuality and that seriously bothered them, they would suddenly become *much* less attractive to me. But that's me...other people feel differently about lying, about honesty, about the importance of people knowing who they are.

But then I read this:

...and the answer for you became pretty clear. It is never a good idea to lie about anything, if lying about it doesn't feel good.

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

Hey, lemons123.

From a general point of view, and to answer the title question, it depends. If it's just a little bi-curiosity, with some exploration in the past but no real attraction to the same sex, yes, calling yourself straight is both easier and likely accurate enough.
However, as soon as you feel like you're lying, I think there's a problem. It seems to me that a person will inevitably form healthier relationships when those relationships are built on honesty and trust.

For a less general answer, more specifically related to your example... I don't feel it's right to lie to someone you're interested in. You're not obligated to disclose your sexuality upfront when you meet someone, but deliberately lying about past experiences (hiding some and fabricating others) seems like a bad start to me. Besides, I, for one, wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't fine with my sexuality.

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

I'm not sure of the correct terminology, but my understanding is, even if you did "experiment" with other guys one time, that doesn't make you bi. People are curious.

If you could only ever see yourself in a serious relationship with a woman (including sex), then I would consider you straight. If you think you could also see yourself in a serious relationship with a man (including sex), then you would not be straight.

I don't think you should lie to the girl if you are interested in her. If she doesn't ask specific information about your relationship history, then you don't need to divulge it this early necessarily. However, if you have not been with that many other women, she should be aware of that since it is the truth. I know plenty of straight guys who never dated girls until they were in their mid 20's. Is it uncommon, yes, but it's not abnormal.

Basically, my advice is to know yourself and not explicitly lie, since building a foundation on a lie can hurt everyone involved down the road.

(*hug*)

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

Eh, I'm guessing you're not planning on marrying her, so it's not a big deal. Although, I don't really see a point in lying. You could've told her that you're not sure of your orientation, but you like her and that's what matters. Or that you're interested mostly in girls, but won't mind if a nice guy came to you and kissed you.

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

Everyone is different. There will always be an exception to any "rule". Not every girl likes only straight men.

But if we're speaking of the majority, a lot (but not all) women tend to be quite demanding, and have high standards when it comes to behaviour. Even if you're not doing anything wrong. But again there will always be the exception.


Nevertheless, it is a reason why I tend to be more interested in males and non-binaries.

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

You don't owe anyone your sexual history. If you slept with guys then eventually you will probably want to mention it to her, so she gets to know all of you. i have a good friend like this. Only dated guys, asked me out in High School(I said no, so I am the 'girl who said no' now. LOL!) Fell for her, and married happily for 22 years. So, sexuality is fluid, and sharing is a good relationship builder. However, I don't think that not sharing is lying. Eventually you will feel safe enough to share.

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

Depends, sometimes it's valid to share your history; sometimes it's fair to keep it private.

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

I'm friends with this guy who's bisexual. He even wore a dress to a school dance once just to try it and now he has a girlfriend. She knows all of this and is completely accepting of him and they have a lot in common. I don't think sexuality really matters in relationships as long as the two people are into each other. I would date a person who's bi if they were a good person and I got along with them. Sexuality doesn't have anything to do with datability in my mind.

I think you should be open about your sexuality. If someone asks, you could say "Yeah well I'm mostly straight, but kind of curious/slightly interested in guys sometimes". If the person you're telling can't accept something so simple then it probably wouldn't be a good relationship anyway. If that's who you are then great! You shouldn't feel like you have to hide it to have "better chances" with girls. I'm sure you'll find a girl who's not going to care about sexuality, in fact most I know wouldn't.

 

Re: Do you think it's a good idea to lie about your sexuality if you're "mostly strai

I feel, it's best not to start off with a lie. I'm not saying a person has to disclose everything about themselves right off of the bat. Some things take time to reveal. Still, it's important to be the genuine article. People should like us for us. If they don't, it's their loss & we move on to someone who can appreciate & accept us. As for what women enjoy. I can only answer for myself. I prefer men who are bi (as my husband is) or pan.