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When people remark about "your future spouse..."

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Kodo, Aug 22, 2015.

  1. Kodo

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    Earlier today, one of those moments happened where the family starts talking about my "future husband" and how I'll make a "fine wife" one day. While there was nothing offensive or wrong with what they were saying, it was still a grimace-filled reminder that they don't know. My reality is so much different than their expectations.

    (personal anecdote below, which you may feel free to skip)

    I didn't respond, just kind of breathed in false-agreement. Though it was tempting to say, "How do you know I'll get married?" "How do you know I'll have a husband?" (That would be a shocker!)

    The kind of man they talk about me marrying one day (as my brother put it, "She won't marry anyone less than Batman") isn't who I want to be with but rather the sort of person I want to become.

    Sometimes it's hard because I feel like I've failed my parents. They already have six sons, and only two daughters, myself (in their minds) included. For me to be another son to them isn't what they want. And it kills me when my mother talks about her wedding dress that she's saved all these years for her daughter to be married in. I'm not mad at her, just sad because I can't be who she wants me to be. But at least I have a sister, hopefully she can meet those expectations for them.

    All this aside, did you ever have one of those moments when people start talking about your "future spouse" while assuming you're straight, cis-gendered, etc? Ever say anything in response?
     
  2. MetalRice

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    My mother and father generally say wife when talking about my future spouse, through the former has recognized and accepted the fact that I may marry a man as well.
     
  3. Lyana

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    It's one of those things that come with being in the closet. People will tend to assume you are cis and straight. It can get on your nerves.

    Before I told my mother I was dating a girl, she was lamenting my unending singledom (when in reality, I had started seeing a girl very shortly after my break-up). She kept talking about the next person I would bring home... so I told her, frankly, that she wouldn't like the next person I would want to bring home.

    When people talk about my "future husband," it's usually extended family, whom I don't really care to be out to right now. I answer with the truth: that I don't know if I'll ever be interested in marriage, and that I'm way too young to be thinking about it. Same goes with the children question.
     
  4. andimon

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    I get quite pissed when people ask me if I have a girlfriend or "my type of girl", and, obviously, at my father's suggestion concerning my future wife (that ain't gonna happen, dad). And, no, it shouldn't have anything to do with being or not in the closet. It's freaking 21st century, people should be referring to "your spouse" or "your partner" when approaching such topics.

    Alright, maybe the fact that I'm publicly straight has something to do with that.
     
  5. hullaballoo

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    My family go on about what my children would be like or how I'd look if I lost weight and wore more 'girly' clothes -_-
    Ugh assumptions
    When ever someone talks about children I just say "No don't want them they're just crying potatoes", "Sorry ask my brother" or "Ive got more important things to do than raise a child and settle down tbh"
    The girly clothes: "whoops I didn't know clothes had genders"or "sorry Dad wear them yourself if you like them so much"
    -
    When it comes to being yourself, you mean more than anything else and as such, your happiness means more than someone's view of you. It's ok to be sad that you cant fulfil your mother's wishes but you haven't failed them in the slightest. If anything you should make them feel proud that you are you~
     
  6. Gear2BQueer

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    I tell my parents that I'm never getting married or having kids so I don't have to come out or pretend to like boys. The only problem is when I say that my mom says "that's exactly what your dad said before he met me". That just makes me pissed off that she won't even accept that I might not want to get married and have kids. I mean what the hell is it that hard for you to accept that one of your 3 children might not want to marry a man and squeeze another human out of there body?

    and also i'm not my father I am my own person!!! grrrrrrrr!
     
  7. AJ56

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    I can totally relate to this! My stepdad often mentions about my "future wife" or "future girlfriend". Sorry, I like guys so that will never happen.
     
    #7 AJ56, Aug 22, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2015
  8. Sebulba

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    Ive been there many times, sometimes im tempted to say something about it, other times im tempted to just slap the eyes out of their head. Its really annoying, the only person to EVER talk about it in a gender neutral way was one teacher i had in high school. every one else is set on believing that i am straight. Especially my father.
     
  9. XenaxGabby

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    Unfortunately this is how our society is. It's not really straight people's fault to assume that everyone else is straight. Being heterosexual is still the norm. It's sad considering the progress we've made.
     
  10. Kaiser

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    This implies folks think I'm marriage material. Most have to be reminded that I'm not some kind of monk, so they rarely talk about me being married. The few times it does happen, it's usually in a hypothetical kind of way.

    If I had to make a wager, I'd say my family doesn't expect me to ever get married. They've all kind of stopped holding out on me making a genuinely deep connection, back when I was in my teenage years.

    Now, does it bother me? Not really. It's kind of nice to think, even if the individual is a bit misguided, somebody believes I'm capable of being loved.
     
  11. Cedar

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    No one can talk about me being a future spouse without laughing.
     
  12. XenaxGabby

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    Now to answer the OP's question, whenever somebody brings up (usually my mom) my "future husband" I smile and think to myself "Or wife."
     
  13. Invidia

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    My grandma did this recently. However! She begun with saying like "When are you going to meet a girl?" (in a nice way). But then she continued like "Or guy or whatever. As long as you have someone to be with."

    So that was pretty cool. :slight_smile:
     
  14. kyoujin

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    First of all, do NOT feel you "failed anyone". It is best to be your true gender than live as a woman forever, no matter what your parents think.

    Anyways, to answer your question, yes I have had people talk about marriage to me. Most people who know me already, including family members, know I do not "believe in" marriage. But some people have asked me, particularly those of a herd-like mindset.


    Because I am completely out with my non-heterosexuality, I get those kind of questions or remarks a lot less frequently.


    Also, my family is not a "normal" family. They do not expect anything from me in life, and only wish for me to be happy.
     
    #14 kyoujin, Aug 22, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2015
  15. HopefulRebecca

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    My grandpa wants me to grow up to be the perfect Jewish straight man. It's annoying, but I can get through it because I know he still loves me through all of that.
     
  16. Callie

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    I always feel like an undercover queer when that happens.
     
  17. XenaxGabby

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    Your grandma is awesome!
     
  18. blueshadedsoul

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    Since I came out to my mom, she's more considerate with that kind of remarks (not that she expects me to ever get married, she knows I'm not too into that, but still). Everyone else always mentions a husband or something that implies that I'll be with/marry a guy though. It's hella annoying, but I don't want to just come out that way so I don't really say anything.
     
  19. Weregild

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    I'm still deeply questioning myself, so I don't have a definite answer prepared for those occasions. But it bothers me that people assume I'm straight, because I'm definitely not, and with every passing day it gets clearer to me that if I'm to give myself my best chance, my future does not revolve around a man.

    I don't think I'm a FTM trans person but I definitely relate to this. Weird.
     
  20. sartorious

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    you sum's up my mind :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    thanks :lol: