Intelligence differences in relationships.

I'm not too smart, only about a B in school, but what I don't have in smarts I make up in being caring to others and drawing! But I do like smart guys over dumb ones, I'm a worry-wart and if I think my boyfriend will do something stupid at, lets say, a party I would have a break down. ^-^;

 

not really. i'm only more concerned about people having commone sense (if it's still common these days). you'd be surprise what one can learn from the other. think of it as a balance

 

To be honest, as someone who always did very well in school and scores very high on IQ tests, I think intelligence (the way most people define it) is highly overrated. It's actually pretty far down the list of what I value in people.

 

I think that the concept of intelligence is far more complex than something that can be quantified by an IQ test (which really only tests the ability to take that kind of test). In fact, I was under the impression that most serious researchers considered the idea of IQ tests to be rather passe.

In my time, I've known people from all kinds of backgrounds with all kinds of skills - some of them could think rings around me in some areas - and were totally hopeless in other areas that I find trivially easy. Or only barely better than me at something by dint of working very very hard at it - while I could throw something together in a couple hours. Some people are good at some stuff, while other people are good at other things.

Another issue when considering 'intelligence' is the different between actual general problem solving ability and exposure (or not) to a particular thing or situation. If someone is good at something because they were taught how to do it a long time ago and have lots of experience that doesn't necessarily mean they are smarter than someone from a different background who has had no exposure to the thing/situation in question. So can you really use level of ability in that area as a measure of intelligence?

There is also the question of what kind of intelligence we are talking about, combined with interest. If someone can create beautiful artwork, but can't balance a checkbook, what does that say about their intelligence? What about if they can solve complex equations in their head - but are totally at a loss when it comes to social situations? And so on and so forth.

Basically, I'd suggest that the question of what constitutes intelligence and how to measure it would first need to be answered (At least within a set of mutually agreed upon definitions and parameters for purposes of a particular discussion) before much could be said on it.

As far as what I have looked for in a relationship - I like someone who can challenge me. I enjoy verbal sparring, snide comments, and mock insults traded back and forth via clever word play. Someone who doesn't go in for that and who is just going to look at me like Bambi in the headlights - probably isn't going to click with me.

Todd

 

I don't want to sound narcissistic but I have high intelligence as assessed by 3 different psychiatrists I have seen. I've also studied BSN as my undergraduate and also studied Doctor of Medicine. During both undergraduate and Medical School I had been a scholar. So I am proud of the fact that despite being well off, my parents have never had to pay for my studies as an adult.

Now for the question... to be honest guys who cannot carry a smart conversation irritate me to hell. I have predominantly doctor friends so I don't want to keep on checking up on him if he is spacing out because he can't catch on. Unintelligence is a major turn-off for me, I wouldn't date the guy.

 

You can tell me every element or recite cloud formations, but if you can't cook or keep your cool, how are we going to stay alive?

There's smart, and then there's clever -- there is a difference.

Compatibility is the most important kind of intelligence...​

Spoiler

Ideally, having somebody in my life -- and it doesn't have to be just romantic either -- who is a little more learned and experienced, is nice. You can learn from one another, but you also have twice the amount of knowledge to keep going.

I respect individuals who can solve complex mathematics. It is something I struggle with, terribly, which is why I appreciate anyone who is talented at it's ability. I know how difficult it can be to learn and apply. What little I do grasp is dwarfed easily by another.

There are particular areas of information I'm stronger in. I focus on those while branching out to whatever I am able to, because I like to learn. Somebody who had their own interests and routines has their own areas of information, so when we combine them, hopefully we'd have whatever we needed to tackle the day.

Basically, it's very hard for me to look down upon somebody and think them dumb, well, it actually isn't but I'm trying to steer away from that type of thinking. You'd have to try pretty hard, though for some that isn't an impossible feat (I'm looking at you Ku Klux Klan and Sean Hannity). The point is we all have our strengths and shortcomings, it's knowing which ones empower and enhance your own that determines what you have more of. Many of us settle for the first good thing, not realizing that, had we been a little more patient, we could have had the first perfect thing.

I would say I'm clever enough to know I'm not the smartest, but smart enough to know I'm not the most clever.
But if I am unable to do what is required, I'll find somebody who can, and that makes me intelligent enough.

 

I'm the Ravenclaw and my gf's the Slytherin. I'm definitely a lot better academically than she is-- I know more general info, I can process things much better in most cases, and I can comfortably say I have a better perspective on life.

That said, she is not inferior across the board. Where I am intellectual, she is cunning. She sees facets of situations other people don't see and knows exactly what to do to maintain an advantage. It doesn't always work on me because I know her game but where I have been conditioned to seek out and profess plain facts, she's the master of using those facts. We hardly ever see eye to eye on tough ideas, but we can make a pretty good team.

 

I would like to be with someone who is at the same mental maturity level as I am (this has nothing to do with physical age).

As for intelligence, it depends on what you mean. I couldn't stand to be with someone who is ignorant. They must have enough open-mindedness and knowledge of the world to have a deep conversation with me.

As for academic education, I couldn't care less.

 

I just want to be with someone who is interesting. I don't really care about intelligence, but interestingness often coincides with intelligence.

 

I don't know how I would evaluate IQ differences since people don't tend to discuss them or even know their scores; however, when someone has a lot of common sense and another person is a scatterbrain, that's a recipe for trouble. I might find scatterbrains amusing, but I don't do well with them over the long-term. Friendships with scatterbrains and flakes have fizzled out over the long haul. I've found that most of them were overly hedonist to begin with. They didn't care about their impact on others.

 

Having had an ex-bf that could not type two sentences together without a series of errors, communication got frustrating. He barely earned a GED, and he did not understand how relationships work. So, yes, it can be a deal breaker.

 

Intelligence is something I find attractive. That said, there is no universal way to define intelligence, and I'll admire someone who has an intuitive grasp of mathematics as much as someone whose social intelligence makes mine look pathetic.

I couldn't date someone whom I thought was an idiot, but that seems like a given. I also couldn't date someone who thought I was an idiot.

 

I'm smart, in a way. I'm one of those people who knows all about maths and recites facts about all different things; but in the other hand I push doors that obviously say "pull" and think in words and numbers rather than pictures. I've never done an IQ test but I do get high above average in academic subjects at school.

Therefore, I wouldn't want a relationship with a bumbling idiot. I'd like someone who is smart, but possibly in a different way to me. Maybe someone more creative and abstract than me.

 

You should know that intelligence and IQ are no longer necessarily linked. Only one type of intelligence may have something to do with IQ.

I'd date guys with the same interests as me.

 

IQ means absolutely nothing.

 

I'd rather date someone a little less intelligent than myself, as opposed to someone who is considerably smarter. I find theoretical discussions boring, and people who are very smart and let everyone know about it, are infuriating.

 

There's a difference between being intelligent and having common sense.

Nobody is born intelligent. While genetics can play a huge role in your ability to become intelligent (ie: being able to retain knowledge, knack for learning, catching on more quickly) you aren't born with it. With that being said, I don't care if the person that I'm dating likes to sit around and watch science documentaries while doing Sudoku or if they prefer to watch chick flicks while eating ice cream.... As long as you have common sense, there's a possibility for attraction.

I'm pretty intelligent and the girl that I'm currently dating, well... Let's just say that she takes more than 5 seconds to calculate how much change to give me when we're playing Monopoly. Doesn't bother me, because she has common sense and she's definitely not an idiot.

 

Agreed.

I would prefer to date someone who is either as intelligent as me or just a little more/less intelligent than me, so we're close on that area. While I can relate to people who are less technical, I feel like our interests are too different sometimes. I'm aware this is a broad stroke.

However, if someone is interesting to me, I don't think we need to both be technical. I haven't found many of these people yet in real life. I agree with DrinkBudweiser that they need to have common sense and they need to have a decent moral compass.