this is not one of those threads where you ask for help, neither its some news, or an opinion. just the result of me experiencing something and then wanting to share it here. both to express what i feel and to maybe motivate people here to share similar experiences. now what happened is pretty short to tell: i was invited to a friend's birthday, (she is also my third cousin by one side), lets call her C, so i went to C's Birthday. It was something casual, a small circle of her friends(those who had a boyfriend/girlfriend brought them also) dining at brixx. we where in total like 10-12 persons. among those was also a close female friend of mine (lets call her Y) who i happen to like in a more-than-friends-way, but i know she only likes me as a friend, nothing romantic. This is something i have accepted long ago, and regardless of that i'm happy, to be her friend, i value it, even if i would like to more than that (like enjoying a million dollars when you want 2 millions...maybe not the best example but you get me :lol. the thing is, Y have been friends with a guy since 4 years ago, they have interacted mostly online because he lives in spain, but they became very close friends in that time, and gradually in the last months after both of them went throught a breakup with their partner they shared a lot about their experiences, also he came here on october 20 for a month of vacation and this kind of served as a trigger to make them closer and long story short they are in the way to becoming a couple, and of course he was there, sitting between me and her. To me he seems like a great guy, we got along well, i even think that given the right circumstances and a good amount of interaction we could become good friends, also she have talked to me about him, and i actually trust her judgment, so with all this i think he might be great for her. The feelings this produce are mixed: happyness because she is happy, happy because i had a good time, just like you can be friends with a person you can be friends with a couple, sometimes when they are compatible some of the good vibe rub into you and the ambient itself. Generally i'm cool with this, i even playfully bother Y about it (like, "uuuuuuuuuh Most of the feelings where positive, specially when we where just talking ,but, every time she did something like putting her head over his shoulder or when they played thumbs war i got a bit sad, feeling like my chair was the wrong chair, wanting to be the one in his chair playing thumbs war with her, getting her head on my shoulder, being silly in that special couplery way etc etc. When i arrive home and get to be alone with myself, new feelings arrive: thinking about how i have never had a girlfriend, thinking about how my lack of dating skills have to do a lot with that, thinking about how scary it seems dating, overwhelming given the lots of stuff i should know by know but i dont, and how rare is to find a woman like Y (i could explain how special she is but i dont want to make this longer than this already is), and lots of other thoughts at 1AM. The next day the mental storm is calm, the mixed feelings are at their original state, they are really odd, a sad happyness, an angry happyness? envious empathy? what is this? all i know is im sitting at the wrong chair, the chair cupid assigned to me. cupid, such a troll.
