How do you not let homophobic people get to you?

A lot of times these opinions are just based out of ignorance, and an unwillingness to see new perspectives. Especially if it's a mindset they've been raised and saturated with, it's hard to shake it off or see any other angle. And yes, that is very sad.

I come from a really conservative background, and my brothers and other family members talk like this. "Gays are just confused, sinful people." "Gay people are so gross." "If you were gay I'd disown you." And stuff like that. Once my dad got angry at a commercial because somebody in the commercial just googled "Coming out day" for a second.

I know it stings. Sometimes I wonder if people just enjoy being bigoted idiots. It's not always their fault, sure, and with the right prodding they may change (even if it seems impossible) but still... There simply aren't excuses for that kind of hate.

How to not let it get to you?

People are always going to have hateful and wrong opinions, it's just an inherent part of humanity. There will always be the ones who disagree, the ones who scream and spit in your face. My only advice is to try to show them another way. Take the beating and prove them wrong. Of course, be safe and smart about the way you carry yourself though. But if you love them back, despite their hate, it'll show the world that "all you gays" are not the ruination of us all, but strong, kind people.

Be proud of who you are, I believe you and I were made this way for a reason. But in the end, we just have to own it and refuse to be ashamed.

 

Listen, I know how you feel and I'm willing to bet that everyone else on this site knows how you feel as well.

I can't say that it's easy trying to control it but in order to, you have to bring yourself to somewhat of an understanding. Definitely not understanding where they come from but a kind of understanding where you realize that they're being childish and that they literally want to pick a fight with people. To pick a fight with people would mean that they basically win among their people. They get to take those comments that you said to them back to their hateful little place they call home and tell everyone what a bully you where and that they where just doing what the good lord told them to do, when in reality, it's like they're pretty much tripping themselves and blaming the person 10 feet away from them.

As hard as it is and as angry as you get, if you MUST comment, give them a bit of a troll. For instance, if they say "Fags have no place in life" say "Your right. We must ban smoking right away!!" or if you don't feel like being sarcastic, say something like " It's funny that you tell us we have no place in life when we've literally done nothing wrong to you personally. You're deliberately surrounding yourself in anger and you're deliberately initiating a fight which is probably the worst thing for society as far as progress goes. You want a better world? Start by being a nice person to people that haven't done anything wrong and you'll see a lot more happiness in your life."

Or something to that extent. It takes a lot of work not to be angry, but it works. I don't get angry at the anti-gay comments anymore because I've built myself up to the point where I simply think they're childish and annoying.. kinda like a 2 year old throwing their toys out a crib, screaming and kicking their legs because they don't want to go to sleep.

 

It's definitely okay to put them in their place. Bigots need that consistent idea put in their heads that whatever nasty things they say about the LGBTQ+ community, just isn't right but that we're also not telling them NOT to give up their religion if they have one, or that it's not real.. just that cherry picking is most definitely not okay.

I said what I said because getting really upset with them can trigger saying things that would only add fuel to the fire.. and I get it, I totally do. I've been in your position before. Those kinds of comments used to send me into a rage but the constant stress from fighting with a bigot who won't budge just isn't worth it. Make sure that your responses are constructive because then they'll basically be frustrated with themselves.

As I've said before in my previous post.. they're doing it because they want to see you angry. If you give them that fuel, they will come back because they then have that control. This is something I've learned from RuPaul. Tammy Brown had argued the idea and asked her why they had to give in to all that negativity.. but Ru said that they weren't, it was just a matter of owning the argument and turning it against them without really doing anything. Bullying is terrible and it's most definitely not fun to be the victim of.. but if you turn their insults and snarky comments against them by thinking of them as simply being immature, you'll feel so much better. It's definitely not an easy task but it gets better within time.

 

I usually end up pitying them. Likely they were taught these hateful beliefs before they were old enough reason on their own, and they were also taught that challenging these flaws in their religion would get them sent straight to hell.

 

I just don't take them seriously unless they're in a position of power. If they are, I try to advocate for them being voted out of office. At this point, we need to start addressing anti-gay homophobes like blatant racists today. They need to be shown why they're incorrect, and that in modern society hating someone for something as benign as their sexual orientation or gender identity should not be tolerated.

 

Love you!! (*hug*)

 

This guy knows what's up with his priorities.

 

I just keep in mind that they are closeted and are in major denial.

 

I try to understand why they think that way, and in my experience it's usually because they hold negative stereotypes, (created or learned) or they find it disgusting, both of which makes them think they are justified in discriminating other people because of it. Trying not to be judgmental to them, (even if they are being jerks) and trying to understand is honestly a great option that a lot of people find hard to do, but it can be done, and it honestly does benefit you (mentally and socially) in the long run, and it sometimes even helps the person you're trying to understand as well because you can find the source of their prejudice and have an honest discussion. (in which case, awesome!) But this isn't to say that we shouldn't protect people from bullying and prejudice; we definitely should, but I think we should also know why the aggressors act the way they do instead of just hating them because that genuinely doesn't help the situation, and it makes us harbor hatred just like they do.

 

(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

They aren't making any significant difference on the planet, so obviously, hating people is going to make them into heroes.

But really,I don't let them get to me because its their narrow minded holy tunnel vision thats ruining their life and their reality. My life isn't affected because some 40 year old redneck is ranting about sin but behind closed doors jacks off to lesbian porn. They are hypocrites. They have double standards, and they just make me laugh. No one gives a solitary fuck about what they think. Well, at least I don't.

But, as was previous stated, if they are in a position of authority, thats when things get rough.

 

I get you, it's really sad how some humans on this Earth are hating on the LGBTs. Honestly, if people started hating me and criticizing me, I would just chuckle and leave. I think it's better to not start something that might become worse. Haters out there have simple-minded brains. They learn from society and they want to believe that it's wrong. They need to get educated. Homosexuality is found in so many species and we're a species as well. We are humans. Being gay is okay. They need to know that's it's fine. But some of them will have a choice to whether go against it or not.

Still... I'm proud of LGBT teens and people that are comfortable for who they are and are proud because they're the brave ones that stood up when life brought them down. I really hope one day the LGBT world will be truly free. And when it does, we'll be a truly loving and free world.

 

My advice may seem sort of counterintuitive, as I'm sure that it seems like attitudes like these are what make it difficult to come out. But in my experience the best way to take the sting out of those kind of comments, and frankly avoid them for the most part, is to come out.

I came out in the early nineties when homophobic comments were much more socially acceptable than they are now. When I came out I really did think that the rest of my life would be an endless stream of comments like that to deal with. But you know what? It wasn't. In fact I almost immediately heard fewer and fewer as time went on.

Comments like the ones you mention are born of ignorance and cowardice. Ignorance you fight with knowledge. People who know out and proud people are so much less likely to retain homophobic sentiments. Every decent thing you do becomes a counter-argument. It's been forever since I actually formulated any kind of anti-homophobia argument in words; my life is my counter-argument.

And well, cowardice you fight with confidence. Vocal homophobes are bullies and bullies are cowards. They pick out those who are perceived to be the weak in the herd to make themselves feel better about themselves. Shame, secrets and uncertainty draw them like flies. In my experience, once you've made it clear that you are confident and unafraid with nothing to hide they fade into the woodwork--they just don't have the balls to go after someone like that. I've been out for over twenty years and I honestly can't recall the last really insistent public homophobia I've encountered in person.

As far as the internet goes, well the internet is the ultimate refuge of cowards and as such it seems to me that all the hateful blather there can just be disregarded.

 

My friend has a similar reaction to you. She was searching some pro-LGBT event we attended, and upon reaching an anti-LGBT page, she totally flipped. Yes, their words hurt, and yes, you can't do anything. But if you respond and fight back, it only makes them happier, that they managed to get someone to respond. They'll keep egging you on again, and the more you react, the more they win.

My family are also homophobics, and so are my close friends. They might say hurtful things, but who cares about them? To me, there are two reasons why people diss something:
1) They don't understand it
2) They can't accept it (because it goes against their religion, etc)

But if they hate us, let them hate us. Is there anything we can do to make them change their minds? No. So why bother wasting your energy and breath on them, when you can do so many other productive things with that time? By reacting you're wasting your time, energy, and hurting yourself. They don't hurt when you react-you do.

So for me, I turn a blind eye to them. Let them do what they want, and if they're your close friends, just make them shut up. I have threatened to slap some of them if they didn't shut up before. It works for me. Do whatever you can within your abilities, but otherwise, you won't make much of a difference.

Besides...if they're sitting behind a screen, spewing waste and nothing more, why bother with them? They're simple cowards, anyway.

 

The same way I deal with the racists, bigots, and generally-not-nice people~~



I do make sure to listen and remember what everyone's stands are... and it's one of the reasons I'm so closeted... my family would never accept it, and my coworkers and boss would label me as a pervert... So~ just brush that dirt off your shoulder and try not think about it~

 

I see homophobia and heterosexism as a form of hate that is no different than racism, sexism, etc. As with any form of hate, I try my best to ignore it. People that spew out hate like this are trying to get a reaction. Don't give them that satisfaction. Just ignore them. That's what I usually do.