This thread was inspired by some grievances that I just heard a homosexual man share about feeling as though a straight male friend of his started opening doors for him more often after discovering his sexuality. Now, he went on about his manhood being challenged and feeling emasculated, despite the fact that he felt that his friend wasn't given much thought to it and that is an extremely ridiculous reason to get upset or start speculating. However, all of this did raise the question of the thoughts that run through the heads of gender nonconforming people or even simply people who are less egotistical or insecure about their gender and this idea of noticing that we are being treated differently. ~~~~ Personally, I've always had a mixture of friends and I have noticed and have even had open conversations with straight and/or masculine male friends about the fact that there are subtle things with regards to the way that I am treated as opposed to other straight and/or masculine men. This is likely the mixture of the fact that I am a homosexual who is very gender neutral in the way that I carry and present myself who also happens to be short rather than tall; and cute rather than handsome. I would imagine that the experience might be the opposite for non-feminine, conforming, or traditional females, but it is the little things of people being more gentle with you, such as making innocent gestures such offering to carry something, open doors, etc, but doing it far more often then you notice they do with others. The adjectives that people use to describe you rather than other members of your assigned gender. Body language. Or actually having frank conversations about the subject and hearing that they get a different vibe from you and that is one of the reasons that they find being around you comforting. Ultimately, these are all things that I am very aware of and have never cared about. In fact, I would say that I enjoy the fact that they allude that I am not seen as the stereotypical masculine, manly man because I am the antithesis of that internally. Nevertheless, there is that small part of us that can be conflicted with this. While you might laugh at the concept of not being man enough and internally happen to be this person who doesn't care where people attempt to place them on the spectrum of "manliness" and "womanliness" or "masculine" and "feminine", there is that feeling of apprehension in the back of your mind. It is the internal conflict of feeling happy with the fact of not being associated with your assigned gender stereotype, but dealing with the fact that some people will associate the opposite gender stereotype with you. When you couldn't give a single fuck if you are in a relationship with someone who fits the mold more and you are the one who ignorant people view as "the woman in the relationships", but also having that lingering question of whether your significant other unconsciously or consciously views you in terms of those same gender stereotypes. Truthfully, I still don't care where people place me on the spectrum. Even loved ones. It is just an interesting thing to think about and I wanted to hear other thoughts on it.
I hate being treated differently for any reason. I do notice that men offer to carry things for me. What really bothers me is when I'm having a totally normal conversation on the internet and I start getting treated differently when they find out I'm a girl. A great example was when I was talking to a guy about my low confidence around girls and being worried about liking men. He seemed to give me good advice when he thought I was male. As soon as he found out I was female he asked for my picture and told me I should try guys out. He never gave a damn about my picture when he thought I was male. Same with other guys. I also have some disabilities. When I was younger everyone knew about them. I was always getting treated differently. It wasn't too bad when adults treated me differently, but it really hurt when they made different rules for me. It also really bothered me when my peers didn't treat me like an equal. That made me a paranoid loner. Now that everyone has an internet addiction we're all awkward around each other, so I don't notice any weird dynamics. I also keep my disabilities secret, so I can make sure everyone treats me normally.
I do not care how I get treated. I would rather be treated certain ways, but it is fine if you want to act horrible, I will not do it to you, but you can do it to me.
Now, I completely understand this situation because the treatment that you are receiving is clearly belittling. I have experienced my fair share of that type of behavior as well; where there is clearly this undertone of simplemindedness. Even with pleasantries, there are the people who offer to do physical things for others because they want to take on a burden and there are the people who patronize others by assuming that they can't do certain things for themselves. I also feel that gender is the only instance where this can be conflicting because I want to make clear that treating people even slightly differently based on condition, race, ethnicity, etc, is never appropriate. However, when it comes to gender or even size/build, things can be much more complex. It becomes complicated because we truthfully don't all want to be treated the same in regards to gender, personality, expression, etc, because we simply aren't the same. We're not even close to the same.
I know a bisexual girl who simply doesn't respect me. She's patronising and there's an undertone of subtle homophobia in thinking of me as lesser. I'm fine being moderately feminine and being physically unimposing. I detest her for feeling that's an acceptable reason to patronise me.
I'm weird. I enjoy the little gestures of opening the door for me and offering to carry my things. Its old fashioned but I like to think chivalry isn't dead. It's just something that I like to see strangers doing for each other and I always make a point to offer to help whoever it is that's near me. If a guy only does out because I'm a woman, better than not doing it at all. Patronizing however, I can't stand. At. All. customers that insist they speak to a MAN about their issues make me foam at the mouth but usually a little snip about "I AM the supervisor" can put them back in their place. I also have both bipolar and borderline and I'm VERY open about both. But I hate being treated differently for it. I'm open about my mental health because I believe it shouldn't be kept any more secret than say asthma, diabetes, or a physical disability. Not because I'm looking for ass pats.
