How Tough Are You?

How tough am I? A little. How tuff am I? Even less!

I actually think I'm rather resilient. I believe adaptability is an admirable trait, and one I've gotten much closer to possessing over the years. I realize most things are out of my control, so I don't bother to worry about them: I'd rather focus on things I can change.
Change, I see as good, new, interesting opportunities. Exams are a challenge, but don't say anything about my worth as a human being. With a few small obstacles on the road, driving is no fun -- it's monotonous and easy.
That said, though my life hasn't only been one smooth boat ride, overall, it is a very good one, so my toughness hasn't really been put to the test. I know people who have been through things that have made them infinitely tougher than I am. Emotionally I can be very sensitive, so things like the unhappiness or death of a loved one would make me an absolute wreck and all "toughness" would go out the window.

 

I'm on the very, very low end of the spectrum. I don't consider myself tough whatsoever. I'm very sensitive and I don't like any sort of violence. I've never been physically powerful either. I barely ever cry, but that's just because I never have anything to cry about not because I force myself not to because it's not "manly". All that " be manly" stuff is bullshit. I actually wish I would cry more. It makes me feel jaded to cry as little as I do.

It's hard for me to say because I can't think of any high-stress situations I was in recently, but I am going to guess I do not handles stress well. Obstacles and life in general, well I procrastinate and avoid. When there's something important that I need to do I usually ignore it and put it off until someone else does it for me or motivates me to do it. I don't try to take advantage of people like that on purpose.

The hardest thing for me to accept was my sexual nature as a human being, as well as the many facets of my sexuality. Ever since I was young I have struggled with a lot of negative emotions revolving around my sexuality. These negative thoughts have never been about my homosexuality, but about my general sexual nature. When I was younger I believe that partially religion as well as something else I've never been able to actually identify caused me to feel extreme guilt and shame about masturbation. There were times where I would become so upset after masturbating, that I would become physically ill. For some unknown reasons I have had a very hard time accepting that sex is something I need, and I tried over and over to "quit" masturbating because I saw it as something that was dirty and shameful. These extreme emotions eventually led me to contemplating suicide just so I could have an escape from the horrible feelings I was having, although I never actually did anything other than wish I had the courage and means to kill myself. These feelings are something I still struggle with to this day, but they have greatly improved.

The second part of this was the difficulty I have had with accepting I'm not 100% gay. There are times when I am attracted to women, but when I am I feel shame and guilt. It just feel so wrong to me for some reason. I don't want to be attracted to women sexually at all because I am not attracted to women romantically, but I can't help it. It's who I am and I can't change. It has taken me a long time to finally admit to myself that I am sometimes attracted to women and to accept it. In fact I am still having a hard time accepting it. When I was questioning, these feelings caused me a great amount of emotional grief and I constantly struggle with not feeling "gay enough" or that this whole time I was just fooling myself and I've been straight all along. It gets exhausting let me tell you.

 

I once stubbed my toe against a door and only cried for like 10 minutes.

 

What would you say is/has been the most difficult thing for you to accept/do?
I don't know if I am tough or not. I have been through some shitty things in the past few years such as bullying, my Nan almost dying, sister born at 26 weeks, my sexuality, friendship problems and coping with siblings have type 1 diabetes. I don't handle stress good, but I bounce back really quickly. Except in year 8 where everything piled up and also the fact I was 13 I had suicidal thoughts, this only lasted a month or so until I had a near death experience. Ironic I suppose? It just made me think wtf am I doing. Wowwww this sounds so lame..... boo hoo my life is so hard.

To sum it up, I handle stress really badly, except I somehow have kept a sorta level head during stressful situations and I bounce back really quickly from things. I have sorta become really positive.

Spoiler

Bonus question answer: I'd say the hardest thing for me to do is forgive my sister's sexual abuser. I wont go into the details but yeah.

 

Some people are outwardly tough, with a soft centre, but I think the reverse is true of me. I don't come across as tough at all, but on reflection I can see that I am (and have been) very tough when the chips are down.

I have greater emotional strength than physical strength and I really, really dislike confrontation. If someone gets in my face I tend to suppress everything and react with stony silence or look for an escape route. I don't ever want to be backed into a corner where I am forced to physically defend myself. I don't want to deal with the 'red mist'. I suppose that's more to do with aggression than toughness though, but that's where my train of thought took me.

Surviving school, coming out, relationship failures, debt problems, depression.. all of these things tested my resilience (toughness), but the greatest tests have been losing my mother and younger sister to cancer. Being with them as they died and and dealing with all of the arrangements afterwards tested the limits of my toughness more than anything else. It was a case of grit your teeth and get on with it. I never thought I would have it in me, but I surprised myself. Having faced all of that, I think it's fair to say I'm pretty tough and hard to beat.

Am I too tough to cry? No way, but I don't think crying makes you any less tough anyway. In actual fact, I think crying is more of a positive than a negative. For me, it releases the pressure and recharges the batteries.

 

I fold under pressure. Can't handle stress, and can't stand it if things are going wrong. Life in general? Well, I guess it's not too bad, it has its ups and downs.

The most difficult thing to accept? That I got diagnosed with a mental disorder. I still struggle with the thought of it 5 years later

The most difficult thing to do? I would have to say giving my dog away a few years ago

 

Ugh, this is kind of a tough one to pin down. I mean, I come from a very violent household, not as in "Oh god put the knife down mom, don't slit his throat" violent, but more of a verbal abusive that has sometimes manifested into physical abuse. My mother and father are on such rocky terms about a lot of things which equates to a lot of arguments, topped with my father being an alcoholic, it's led to some pretty fucked up scenarios. (When I was young I saw my dad throw a screwdriver at my mom, and it ended up impaling her in the leg.. She still has the scar.. I've never seen that man so apologetic and up her ass the next day though.) Granted I used to cry when those situations happened, but eventually I found an outlet, like my PC, and I would tend to ignore it. Eventually whenever the shit hit the fan I would go to my friend's house and stay the night there, trying to forget about the shitstorm that was ensuing at my house.. Was it fair to leave my younger brother there? Probably not, looking back at it now, it was probably tougher for him to deal with it, but we've all been there I suppose.

My sister is a (ex..?) adderal addict that inevitably lost her mind and hears voices and shit.. She's gotten so bad, so violent and so nasty, that I've grown to be severely apathetic towards her that it's almost scary.. Like seriously I barely consider her a sister anymore, the blood ties might as well have been made by a 2 year old at this point. Even though she's now out of the state where she gets her vice, she's still exhibiting erratic behavior, and I think she's beyond the point of saving, or at the very least, years away from achieving normality again.

Lastly, last week my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me, which was exceptionally painful and I have to admit, I didn't cope with it very well, at one point I pretty much attempted to beg him back, and one of my ways to 'cope' with it was to almost go on some craigslist fuck-fest type thing, but I quickly stopped myself before I did any harm to myself. So I didn't take the first few days nicely. I resented him for being what seemed so 'non-chalant' about it, however I understand it was tough for him as well, and he had a broader range of people to talk to, to deal with things, whilst I did not.

The above is actually the reason why I started coming back to the site again to be honest. I met him on this very site 2 years ago, and after that, I started dropping off the site. But hopefully I'm back for a bit longer now So to answer your question.. Do I think I'm tough? I don't know.. Some people would say I am, some people would call me apathetic, some would call me downright stupid, but so long as I want to feel tough, then I am.

 

I think I'm rather resilient. If anything, I can keep my cool better in a stressful situation than I can just about any other time. Had a tornado in college and I was one of the guys helping get everyone downstairs. Stove caught fire and I was the one who suggested smothering it with a blanket as I ran for the fire extinguisher. Was waiting to have a thing removed from my wrist, and I wasn't nervous while I was waiting, I was bored, thinking how I was so glad I hadn't scheduled the op on the previous Wednesday because I'd have missed a football match I wanted to see.

If only I could keep that coolheadedness the rest of the time. :dry:

 

To live though all that, and be able to talk about it so frankly? I'd say yes. Often I think survival is a sign of being tough; I've known more and more people who haven't as time as gone on, but that asie, I'd say you sound like you have your bearing about you inwhat's ben a stormy sea.

~

To me, tough has more to do with endurance and the ability to adapt, that with being all macho and prone to use violence. Hollywood has given us a very distorted version of tough.

 

I am pretty tough when it comes to physical pain, but a coward when it comes to socializing. The hardest thing for me to do is approach groups of people I don't know and befriend them.

 

Mentally im tough physically weak

 

I never once would of thought of myself as tough until recently. What I can say now is I'm very tough and very brave. I've learned to do many things for myself. I've learned to deal with being abandoned, being alone, being scared, feeling ashamed, feeling embarrassed and feeling worthless. I've felt all of these at different times in my life. I'm not saying I cannot be broken down. I deal with wanting to break down a lot- but I can look in the mirror and really be proud of the person I see for the first time in my life.
For the first time in my life, I'm learning to look up to myself, and that's pretty damned tough. And hopefully, someday others will be able to look up to me as well.

 

I can endure pain but I can't do anything physical lol

 

Hm. In terms of resilience, I'd say I'm pretty tough. I spent ages 8-21 dealing with my dad (NOT my father - who I've never met - when my mom became pregnant she told him he'd served his purpose and could go now), who was, in no particular order:

a) an emotional abuser with the maturity of a small child
b) a bully
c) a child molester (2 of my sisters)
d) a con man who basically defrauded several banks
e) a rapist
f) a very charismatic person who got away with being all of these things (although after my mom figured out he was molesting my little sister she threw him out of the house and after he raped his business partner's granddaughter he fled to Canada).

Growing up (dirt poor - we lived at about half the poverty level for Alaska) my parents did everything from dabble in the New Age (pyramids, and crystals, and the Coming Earth Changes - oh my) to having near simultaneous affairs. My mom had a couple of nervous breakdowns before they figured out she was manic depressive/bi-polar (one or both of my sisters is as well - only one of the three is on medication for this). My grandfather and one of my dad's brother's died on Xmas Eve one year. My family has (so I was told) been the subject of discussions as to whether or not we should be burned out as witches. I spent virtually all of grade and HS as an outsider because I didn't give a rat's ass about basketball, snowmobiles, and hunting (the three things the whole town and all of my peers cared about). I've lost an older brother to alcohol, drugs, and despair and had a cousin commit suicide. I've visited my mom in an institution and had her not recognize me. And that was before I finished college.

All in all, figuring out I liked sex was guys barely qualified as an emotional speed bump. I clearly remember thinking at one point something along the lines of 'Well, of course I'm gay - it's the one thing no one in the family has done yet'.

And if there's one good thing that growing up in my family and as I did burned into me - it's that I will do what I will do and unless you're pointing a gun at me or signing my paycheck - no other opinion ultimately matters except mine. I've seen way too many 'wise adults' and family members f**k up on way too grand a scale to ever suffer from the illusion that older automatically means wiser or that family opinions somehow matter. My family is almost entirely entirely supportive - but if they weren't it wouldn't really throw me off all that much - and they would suffer the consequences of seriously pissing me off.

I've had tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt and more thousands in credit card debt. I've had the same car repossessed twice. I've had (really pleasurable) sex with guys I met from numbers written on a bathroom stall (for a good time call...I did, I had a good time). But I got on an even keel (with some help from friends made in college and my now husband) paid off all the debts, and now have great credit. My life is what many would consider pretty boring now - and I like it that way. So, yeah - been there, done that, got the T-shirt - Thanks.

And for quite a number of years I made a living by getting up in front of rooms full of strangers and speaking publicly while being an introvert. I can be quite sociable when I want or need to be - it's just very taxing and I need a nice lie down afterward

As far as stress, obstacles, and life in general...

When stressed I vent, calm down, and then fix the problem.

Obstacles get removed, gone around, or climbed over if at all possible. It may take a while, but it's not often that I don't get my way or a compromise I can live with.

Life in general - I'm generally a pretty easygoing get alone kind of guy in my mind - but my best friend once described my management style as 'do it my way or I'll kill you'. I'm not sure how much she was joking...

As far as the most difficult thing I've had to do...accept that someone I liked (loved?) and who liked (loved?) me back - could not/would not give up on the religious beliefs that said that we could not be together no matter how well I argued that they should do so.

Todd

 

Over the years I’ve been able to build a tougher skin and not take some many things so personally in my life. I’m pretty going out possessing a calm demeanor, but in my head I can be quite apprehensive. People think I’m so relaxed and easy going, but sometimes there’s a lot going on in my head. I’ve had some pretty low moments where I was like “what are you doing with your life?”

So when times get difficult I try to keep moving forward. If I’ve done everything I could, then there is no time wasting energy on what if.
I've just try to be positive, even when it's really hard sometimes.

Bonus: Growing up

 

Not very. I can't function well outside of the social and institutional frameworks and the comforts I'm familiar with.

And that's fine. At 17 I'm very lucky not to have had to be tough.

 

Depends on the situation; I've been told by family and friends that I'm a very tough and mentally resilient person.

But then again, I can be quite emotional, and I tend to want to express it - not always in a mature way, of course.

Toughest thing I'd have to accept/do? Probably live knowing that I'll likely need major heart surgery around my 50s and possibly a little earlier than that - because of having an ascending aorta - (only when certain things happen) and having had surgery when I was very young.

>And this is one of the best possible outcomes of my issue.

Life is a gift, and I can't spend everyday thinking about what I'm not allowed to do physically (heavy lifting in repetition) because of the repercussions related to something I have absolutely no control over.

This is why I rarely get anxiety, and when I do - it's over something I truly feel as if I could have dealt with, but it "went out of control."

So I guess in todays standards on how people regulate their emotions - I can be tough, but you can never expect someone to handle everything at any given time.

 

I mean. I'm not gonna act like my life has toughened me up but, I've dealth with a couple things that have made me pretty strong/tough mentally.

BULLIES: there is one person that has always tried to make me feel bad about myself in every way possible. It's amazing that I'm so much stronger then them now. And their life ended up being in the shit as of right now. They made horrible choices and led themselves into a rut.

Sexuality: obviously a lot of people on this website have had to accept their sexuality but, it is a accomplishment that makes you see things differently.

Right now: I'm dealing with figuring out how to get out of the living situation Im in and moving myself to a safe environment with 'trustworthy' people. It's extremely difficult with the cards I've been given.

Physically I'm rather weak. AlThough, I am trying to make myself tougher in that department.

 

I'm tough enough to deal with almost all of my own problems, and sometimes too stubborn to accept help. I don't like owing things to people, even if I don't think they'd be likely to use it against me later.

I could talk all day about my feats of endurance. However, if you think about it, someone who does similar things AND fights through a lot of anxiety and fear, could well be tougher (braver?) than I am. For example, I don't really mind answering the telephone, and little things like that can induce anxiety in some people.

I definitely feel some anxiety, but sometimes I don't feel scared, even when fear might be useful; a warning before I get hurt and/or cause others to worry about me. And sometimes I feel scared when it doesn't make sense. Around a week ago, I spent an hour freaking out about tsunami, and I'm pretty sure they're unlikely to happen anytime soon where I live.