heyo!!! You guys, I'm back. My stiches are holding up fine. I can walk a bit now. Without crutches ( whoop whoop!!!) I'm still a bit swollen from moving around alot. But I'm happy to say now I can go downstairs... well I can scoot. XD. I love all of you and thank you so much for those who left comments saying get better that really made my day. I'm not gonna lie my mind has been in a really dark place and still is. I've nothing to give to anyone.. I'm not contributing to anything major and I feel like if I died or offed myself. It really wouldn't make much of a difference. I doubt it'd have that much impact. I'm not depressed, I'm thinking logically here. When you've had enough, you've had enough. And I've had enough, I'm so bored with my life and the situations seem to get ramdomer by the day... if that's even a word. No one asked to be born so if I leave this earth it's my choice and my choice alone. We are born alone ( unless you're a twin), and we die alone. In this case I've always been alone.. not in ideas, I love you guys and your opinions and povs are amazing, sometimes I thibk we might share the same brain. But I'm alone in love, and I don't exactly know when I started to feel like I needed a lover or soul mate or anything like that... I always have to be someones knight or rock. I mean yes I've had people look out for me.. but only materialistically speaking.. not sure if that's a word either... I never met anyone who just said. "Here, I've got you, yuo can relax now and I'm never letting go," Sorry I don't mean fro this to be a pity party.. but I hope I can come to a major decision in these couple of weeks.
Hrm. Lots of thoughts here. In no particular order... a) Dude - you're only 18. There's no logical reason why you need to be 'contributing to anything major' at this age. b) Dude - you're only 18. You've got most of a century yet (at least) to find your way, find someone to love, and yes - find a way of 'contributing to something major' if that's your thing (Note - definitions of 'something major' vary with who you ask - find something that works for you). c) If you're bored with where you are now - then change your stars. You're 18 - legally an adult by and large. If you don't like where you are - figure out a way to move. Or travel around checking out different places until you find one you like better. Or just travel and see the world. d) Even if you don't want to travel all that far, why not explore the options available where you are. Get involved with other people via Meetup or sports teams or charities, or religion or whatever. You might find yourself with all kinds of things to do. And you might even meet someone else to do them with. d) What it sounds like you're contemplating is a very permanent 'solution' to a very temporary problem. Why not try some other things first and give it a bit of time. You might be surprised by all that you end up having going on for you. Hope this helps, Todd
