100 Reasons to be gay - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Swamp56 · 4th Jan 2009, 01:33 PM

[source]

1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets.
4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.
5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit.
8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
9. You really have "been there, done that."
10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."
12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.
17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
18. You know that the most important part of a party's decor is the catering staff.
19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
20. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
22. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
23. You've always got an opinion.
24. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
25. You know how to dress strategically.
26. Your car has an amusing female name.
27. You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.
28. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
30. You know that sex complicates things. So?
31. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult.
32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you.
34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
35. You have at least one movie musical on video.
36. You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
37. You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
39. You know how to make an entrance.
40. You know when to make an exit.
41. You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli.
42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
43. You know how to program your VCR.
44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
48. You know when to play dumb.
49. You know what to do for a hangover.
50. Yes, you do have a condom.
51. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend.
52. One or more of the following apply to you:
a) You adore Judy Garland
b) You hate Judy Garland
c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.
d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.
e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland.
f) Who is Judy Garland?
53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
a) Bernadette
b) Chita
c) Barbra
54. You made Donna Summer a star.
55. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
56. Tanning salons were invented for you.
57. You've made sunbathing a performance art.
58. You know when the party's over.
59. You know where to go after the party's over.
60. You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
61. When you hear "a stitch in time saves nine" you think of
a) Your grandma
b) Your face lift
c) John Wayne Bobbit
62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your "roommate."
64. You know that referring to someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment.
65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian.
67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian.
68. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man".
69. You've been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each.
70. You'll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one.
73. You've left someone totally speechless.
74. You've shaved something other than your face.
75. All your friends do not have to "get along".
76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
77. Your love handles are actually used as such.
78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
79. You've got a large assortment of movie-star biographies.
80. You've got the most interesting coffee table books.
81. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain't in your kitchen drawer.
82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls.
84. You know your enemies.
85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
86 You're Barbra Streisand's biggest fan.
87. You know that Barbra Streisand's biggest fan is Barbra Streisand.
88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes you've added side dishes.
89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair.
90. You've actually lived out some of your fantasies.
91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
93. You know, by heart, every line in:
a) All about Eve
b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
c) Your face
94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal.
96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme's song.
97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.
98. Even if you're in Kansas, you're not in Kansas anymore.
99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes.
100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too.

Dazed · 4th Jan 2009, 01:38 PM

alot of those are funny my favorite was 89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair.

Hoppip · 4th Jan 2009, 01:48 PM

These ones are definitely my favorites:

32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.

66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian.
67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian.

72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one.

Ohhh, thanks for this. xD

summersforecast · 4th Jan 2009, 01:53 PM

high lights #7,9,11,23,25,35,36,37,48,63,70,73,78,89,91

this is great thanks for posting it

pianomike · 4th Jan 2009, 01:57 PM

A true classic!!!!! THANKS

BeautifulStranger · 4th Jan 2009, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swamp56

[source]
53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
a) Bernadette
b) Chita
c) Barbra

Last names in order:
a.) Peters
b.) Rivera
c.) Streisand

XD

4th Jan 2009, 05:46 PM

^I got a and c right... I think "Peters" came from somewhere in my subconscious though because I swear I've never hear of her before.

My favorite: 17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
XD I love being a bitch sometimes.

Mickey · 4th Jan 2009, 07:17 PM

That was too funny! I like 82: You have a sexual persuasion with it's own flag!

NoLeafClover · 4th Jan 2009, 07:46 PM

32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.

Is it so wrong?

Jonathan · 4th Jan 2009, 07:57 PM

That was awesome. My favorites have to be:

32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian.
67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian.
82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls.

mattypants · 4th Jan 2009, 07:59 PM

oh this is great! lol

4th Jan 2009, 09:16 PM

Quote:

13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
31. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult.
32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
39. You know how to make an entrance.
63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your "roommate."
77. Your love handles are actually used as such.
85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.

91. My ultimate favorite. I don't know - I guess I have a future as a slut.

Kryz · 4th Jan 2009, 10:09 PM

LOL thanks.

I love most of them, so making a list would be useless for me...

4th Jan 2009, 10:22 PM

All right... someone's gonna have to explain "There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you." *looks sheepish*

George · 4th Jan 2009, 11:03 PM

:P That is SO TRUE.

Greggers · 4th Jan 2009, 11:11 PM

Well im too young of a gay to apply to alot of the nasty old lady movie star ones, but i laughed quite a few times

Peter · 5th Jan 2009, 12:40 AM

OMG! If I had read this earlier, it would not have taken me 40 years to come out to myself. I didn't realize how gay I was until I went down that list...

**Gerry** · 5th Jan 2009, 01:47 AM

Thanks for sharing. A lot of those can relate to me.

BeautifulStranger · 5th Jan 2009, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loveislove

Well im too young of a gay to apply to alot of the nasty old lady movie star ones, but i laughed quite a few times

What in god's name do you mean by 'nasty old lady movie stars'.

Judy Garland is not nasty. She's an idol of the gay world.
Bernadette Peters is far from nasty. Her voice can end wars.
Chita Rivera was the original Velma Kelly in Chicago. By calling Chita nasty, you might as well call 'Chicago' nasty.
Barbra Streisand... Don't even think about insulting Barbra because I WILL come for you in the night.
Joan Crawford is amazing. Whether or not she really abused her children doesn't matter. She gave us so many classics... such as 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?' with Bette Davis.

Sweetie, you have a lot of research and gay appreciation to do.

Tim · 5th Jan 2009, 03:42 AM

93. You know, by heart, every line in:
a) All about Eve
b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
c) Your face

I know none of them :O

And lol @ The Judy Garland info :P

4th Jan 2009, 01:33 PM	#1
Swamp56 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Boston, MA Age: 21 Posts: 2,166 Join Date: Aug 2008	100 Reasons to be gay [source] 1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with. 2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka. 3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets. 4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil. 5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting. 6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee. 7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit. 8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover. 9. You really have "been there, done that." 10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything. 11. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous." 12. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home. 13. You can have naked men you don't know in your home. 14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius. 15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex. 16. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it. 17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have. 18. You know that the most important part of a party's decor is the catering staff. 19. You only wear polyester when you mean to. 20. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them. 21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away. 22. You're good pals with women other people can't stand. 23. You've always got an opinion. 24. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical. 25. You know how to dress strategically. 26. Your car has an amusing female name. 27. You're the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school. 28. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet. 29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers. 30. You know that sex complicates things. So? 31. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult. 32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you. 33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you. 34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion. 35. You have at least one movie musical on video. 36. You're not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar. 37. You're embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars. 38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two. 39. You know how to make an entrance. 40. You know when to make an exit. 41. You worry about people you don't even know - like Liza Minnelli. 42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards. 43. You know how to program your VCR. 44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level. 45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales. 46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford. 47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers. 48. You know when to play dumb. 49. You know what to do for a hangover. 50. Yes, you do have a condom. 51. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend. 52. One or more of the following apply to you: a) You adore Judy Garland b) You hate Judy Garland c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland. d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland. e) You don't give a damn about Judy Garland. f) Who is Judy Garland? 53. You can supply the last names to the following list: a) Bernadette b) Chita c) Barbra 54. You made Donna Summer a star. 55. You made Donna Summer a has-been. 56. Tanning salons were invented for you. 57. You've made sunbathing a performance art. 58. You know when the party's over. 59. You know where to go after the party's over. 60. You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity. 61. When you hear "a stitch in time saves nine" you think of a) Your grandma b) Your face lift c) John Wayne Bobbit 62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife. 63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your "roommate." 64. You know that referring to someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment. 65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion. 66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian. 67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian. 68. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man". 69. You've been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each. 70. You'll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife. 71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you. 72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one. 73. You've left someone totally speechless. 74. You've shaved something other than your face. 75. All your friends do not have to "get along". 76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however. 77. Your love handles are actually used as such. 78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity. 79. You've got a large assortment of movie-star biographies. 80. You've got the most interesting coffee table books. 81. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain't in your kitchen drawer. 82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag. 83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls. 84. You know your enemies. 85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower. 86 You're Barbra Streisand's biggest fan. 87. You know that Barbra Streisand's biggest fan is Barbra Streisand. 88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes you've added side dishes. 89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair. 90. You've actually lived out some of your fantasies. 91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object. 92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report. 93. You know, by heart, every line in: a) All about Eve b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show c) Your face 94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up. 95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal. 96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme's song. 97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary. 98. Even if you're in Kansas, you're not in Kansas anymore. 99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes. 100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too. __________________

4th Jan 2009, 01:38 PM	#2
Dazed Banned Gender: ladyfella Orientation: MaddyBensexual Out Status: out to all :] Location: Richmond VA Age: 24 Posts: 2,189 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay alot of those are funny my favorite was 89. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair.

4th Jan 2009, 01:48 PM	#3
Hoppip look at the good i do Full Member Gender: Lv. 18 ♂ Orientation: Water / Dragon Out Status: Uncommon Location: Johto Posts: 1,562 Join Date: May 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay These ones are definitely my favorites: 32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you. 66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian. 67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian. 72. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one. Ohhh, thanks for this. xD __________________ KUDOS ME. I made myshelf pregnant.

4th Jan 2009, 01:53 PM	#4
summersforecast EC Addict Full Member Gender: Carl Orientation: I like dudes and crazy chicks(mostly dudes) Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Johnson City Age: 18 Posts: 777 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay high lights #7,9,11,23,25,35,36,37,48,63,70,73,78,89,91 this is great thanks for posting it __________________ meh..

4th Jan 2009, 01:57 PM	#5
pianomike Your Lover Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Queer Out Status: to only 5 people (and everyone reading this) Location: New York Age: 20 Posts: 358 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay A true classic!!!!! THANKS __________________ To live would be an awfully big adventure... to die would be an awfully big adventure. - Peter Pan

4th Jan 2009, 05:46 PM	#7
Drizzt DoUrden Guest Posts: n/a	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay ^I got a and c right... I think "Peters" came from somewhere in my subconscious though because I swear I've never hear of her before. My favorite: 17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have. XD I love being a bitch sometimes.

4th Jan 2009, 07:17 PM	#8
Mickey Older and bolder! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Massachusetts Age: 50 Posts: 1,775 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay That was too funny! I like 82: You have a sexual persuasion with it's own flag! __________________ We don't choose to be gay...we're CHOSEN!

4th Jan 2009, 07:46 PM	#9
NoLeafClover Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like men. Out Status: Family and friends. Location: USA Age: 25 Posts: 137 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay 32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you. Is it so wrong? __________________ "Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel was just a freight train coming your way."

4th Jan 2009, 07:57 PM	#10
Jonathan Formerly Muzzy Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Illinois Age: 20 Posts: 3,036 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay That was awesome. My favorites have to be: 32. There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you. 66. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian. 67. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian. 82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag. 83. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls.

4th Jan 2009, 07:59 PM	#11
mattypants Chacun à son goût Full Member Gender: male/garçon/hombre Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some friends Some family and the lesbians Location: Los angeles, Ca Posts: 2,733 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay oh this is great! lol

4th Jan 2009, 10:09 PM	#13
Kryz EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 95% gay 4% lesbian 1% polyester. Out Status: 7 friends and my mum. Location: Mexico City Age: 23 Posts: 659 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay LOL thanks. I love most of them, so making a list would be useless for me... __________________ Nobody wants to be alone, everybody wants to love someone... ♪ Glitter and be gay... That's the part I play... ♫ It's SO not a choice. But if it were, I would choose to be gay.

4th Jan 2009, 10:22 PM	#14
Drizzt DoUrden Guest Posts: n/a	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay All right... someone's gonna have to explain "There's a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you." looks sheepish

4th Jan 2009, 11:03 PM	#15
George Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 2,387 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay :P That is SO TRUE.

4th Jan 2009, 11:11 PM	#16
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay Well im too young of a gay to apply to alot of the nasty old lady movie star ones, but i laughed quite a few times __________________ "It's a male duck."

5th Jan 2009, 12:40 AM	#17
Peter Just a guy Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Anyone who is interested Location: Milton Keynes, England Age: 56 Posts: 474 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay OMG! If I had read this earlier, it would not have taken me 40 years to come out to myself. I didn't realize how gay I was until I went down that list... __________________ Peter "God leaves us free to become whatever we like. We can be ourselves or not, as we please. We are at liberty to be real, or to be unreal. We may be true or false, the choice is ours." (Thomas Merton)

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5th Jan 2009, 01:47 AM	#18
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,542 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay Thanks for sharing. A lot of those can relate to me. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

5th Jan 2009, 03:42 AM	#20
Tim Psycho Glitter Btch Full Member Gender:* Guy, Unless Life Was a Horrible April Fools Joke. Orientation: Gay/Asexual/Confusing to Explain Out Status: Armed and Fabulous! XD Location: California Age: 23 Posts: 7,381 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: 100 Reasons to be gay 93. You know, by heart, every line in: a) All about Eve b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show c) Your face I know none of them :O And lol @ The Judy Garland info :P __________________ Rawr! :3 ~The Stalker User Known As Tim~ Rawr! :3 EC's Sailor Star Healer, Oxymoron and All. Star Sensitive Inferno! Sailor Starlight, Stage On! [Vic] 7:49 pm: I keep my pants off in public.