Okay I'm 14 almost 15. I'm a female and I'm heterosexual. A couple months ago, I saw a coming out video on YouTube and got afraid because I thought I was lesbian. It freaked me out. But I know I'm not lesbian/bisexual. I've never been attracted to women, ever. I don't remember if I had any lesbian moments when I was a kid but when I was 12 I did kinda have sex with my friend. It didn't mean anything. I didn't feel anything, and we never did anything too bad. I stopped thinking about because my friend Ashley came over and I realized my love for boys. But when she left, I started worrying about it again. I would look up women and see if I felt anything or if I found them sexy. But I didn't. I felt something in my lower region and I thought it was sexual arousal but I don't feel sexually turned on though. But I've never had a crush on a guy nor a girl. I've had celebrity crushes on guys,tons of them actually, but that's about it. But the thought of being gay freaks me out. I don't want to be gay or bisexual. I'm happy with being straight. I was so happy when I wasn't thinking about this. Its so frustrating because I'll be doing something around the house and I will just start thinking of it. I don't know how to get rid of it and I'm scared this is gonna haunt me until the day I die. And sometimes I do get suicidal thoughts because I know the truth but I can't get rid of the thoughts. ( :icon_sad:
Hi there. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad sometimes. You are obviously suffering from anxiety. Have you talked to a professional? Also: I guess I don't really need to say this, but this belongs under Sexual and Romantic Orientation, so I guess a mod should move it.
First, there's no standalone disorder called HOCD, there is only OCD. And there are also quite a few people who simply have mildly obsessive/intrusive thoughts that pop up from time to time. There's nothing in what you said to indicate in any way that you have same-sex attractions, so I don't think you have anything to worry about there. If the thoughts continue to bother you, then this is something to see a therapist about to address the intrusive thoughts.
Just wanna clear this up, when you had sex with your friend was it all the way, or you guys stopped halfway? Because having sex at 12 is seriously....wtf. You shouldn't worry too much about this. It'll come naturally, and rushing your thoughts makes it worse. But if you're really concerned about it, speaking to someone you trust (and if possible, also LGBTQ+ for advice) might help a lot. These things can't be rushed.
I’m going to back-up Chip on this, HOCD or Homosexual-OCD is a pseudo-medical term some small internet minority are purporting to be somewhat of a “real” medically (Psychiatrically) recognized condition. If I were to be blunt I liken it to the internet minority obsession on “micro-labelling” sexual orientations. TRUE, for SOME persons with OCD they may experience sexual obsessions, invasive thoughts or imageries from something as simple as kissing and fondling, to something as graphic as oral sex, penetrative sex (both anal or vaginal), to something as perverse as incest or rape. This mental thoughts or imageries may occur between the person and anyone or anything really--- family members, friends, acquaintances, strangers, coworkers, etc to something non-human including animals. The invasive thoughts may even include pedophilic, geriatric, fetishes, HOMOSEXUAL and HETEROSEXUAL content. The person with OCD may confer exceptional significance to these thoughts and imageries that they may begin to fear, question and obsess over their sexual orientation and identity. Anxiety also arises on fear that they may act on the thoughts and impulses. When people begin to throw around non-medically or psychiatrically (DSM) recognized diagnoses it only serves to confuse those who suffer from true mental illnesses from seeking the true Psychiatric help or treatment they need. They begin to throw around “pseudo-psychiatric” diagnoses, acting like Mental Health Professionals just because they read somewhere in the internet… Wikipedia Doctors.
Thank you for replying. But no I haven't talked to a professional. ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2015 at 08:43 AM ---------- Thank you! ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2015 at 08:44 AM ---------- It wasn't REALLY sex. We just grinded on each other. I cringe when I think about it lol. But thank you for your reply!
I know how difficult things can be so I'm here for you. I'm guessing that you might of just been a bit curious with happens a lot in straight teens and your worries about attractions are putting you off fancying anyone bur I'm just guessing. I hope you find out more about yourself and you find happiness
