Today's Dear Abby Column

[beckyg]

All of you who have recently come out to your parents, including TryingtobeHappy, need to pull out your family newspaper TODAY and show this to her parents. Have them read the middle letter!

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

[Bunny]

Aw, that's so cool! I didn't know she did those sort of questions.

[RaRa]

That's really cool. I feel for her.

[Paul_UK]

Because it will disappear from the website soon, here's the letter and answer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and know in my heart that I'm gay, even though I'd give anything not to be. So far, I have kept this to myself, but I don't think I can keep it within forever.

Please tell me how you "come out." I am worried sick about what will happen, since my parents belong to a church that believes homosexuality is a terrible sin.

Will my parents still love me? Will my friends reject me? Will my sister, who I've always been close to, be afraid to keep sharing a room with me?

As hard as I have tried, I can't change the feelings I have inside, so I know I have to deal with this, but I don't know what to do. Please help me. -- TORMENTED GIRL IN LOUISIANA


DEAR TORMENTED GIRL: I can only imagine the stress and anxiety you are experiencing. My heart goes out to you.

As you clearly point out in your letter, sexual orientation is not a choice, but something a person is born with. Not knowing your parents or your inner circle of friends, I can't predict how they will react if you tell them you are gay. But if your instincts tell you that your family will react badly, then I advise you to wait to come out until you are out of their house and self-supporting.

In the meantime, allow me to share two helpful resources. The first is PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). This organization has been around since the early 1980s, and from it you will receive specific advice on how to deal with your parents. Its Web site is www.pflag.org, and I highly recommend it.

The second is the Trevor Helpline, a nationwide, 24-hour crisis helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people. Its toll-free number is (866) 488-7386. You can find out more by going to www.thetrevorproject.org.

[beckyg]

Thanks Paul, good idea.

[Mickey]

Dear Abby has always been gay-friendly. Thank God it's in so many newspapers.

[Paul_UK]

It does seem like a typical agony aunt response to a subject she knows very little about but she tried to understand, make some useful suggestions and gave a couple of helpful resources where TORMENTED GIRL and other readers can get more support.

It would be good if she was able to give EC as a resource too, but it could cause problems with the wrong people finding the website.

[EM68]

Good letter. Thanks Becky for sharing!

[beckyg]

Originally Posted by Paul_UK

It does seem like a typical agony aunt response to a subject she knows very little about but she tried to understand, make some useful suggestions and gave a couple of helpful resources where TORMENTED GIRL and other readers can get more support.

It would be good if she was able to give EC as a resource too, but it could cause problems with the wrong people finding the website.

Dear Abby has mentioned PFLAG over and over again in her column. That's why we gave her the Straight for Equality award at the last National conference. She is a wonderful supporter of PFLAG. I'd like to see her mention EC too. Probably looking at the benefits verses attracting the wrong people would be beneficial for the staff to review.

Also Dear Abby is published in almost every American newspaper including those in the midwest and the Bible belt where acceptance is so difficult for kids.

[Amy]

I love Abby. She is so honest. Some of our local papers stopped printing her a while ago.

[Lexington]

>>>Dear Abby has always been gay-friendly.

Actually, no, she hasn't. A bit of backstory.

Dear Abby (Abigail Van Buren) and her twin sister Ann Landers both wrote syndicated advice columns for several decades. Ann Landers wrote from 1955-2002, and the original Dear Abby wrote from 1956-1995, when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At that point, she turned the column over to her daughter Jeanne, who has continued to write under the "Dear Abby" name.

Both writers tended to be more or less in tune with the times, although both could be somewhat progressive. Back in 1973, Ann Landers wrote in support of the legalization of homosexuality, and said acts, saying that she had been "pleading for compassion and understanding and equal rights for homosexuals" for 18 years. That said, she used the terms "unnatural," "sickness," and "dysfunction" to describe homosexuality during that period. I don't have any citations from old Dear Abby columns, but I'm positive she wrote similar things. These were the prevailing opinions of the time, however - I don't think they should be held against them.

Jeanne, also mirroring the prevailing attitudes of the times, has a much more enlightened view on homosexuality.

A few random tidbits since I'm talking about these two.

* Both Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren are pseudonyms. Their real names were Esther ("Eppy") Friedman and Pauline ("Popo") Friedman. Which makes sense - would you write Dear Popo for advice?
* Despite being twins who did precisely the same thing for a living, they spent most of their lives estranged from one another.

Lex

[Bunny]

Oooh, Lex knows his stuff. o-o

[Lexington]

When it comes to "people who give advice to people", yeah, apparently I do.

Lex

[Nixon]

poor kid

[lostinthought9]

awww....i love abby even more now!

[Tim]

Thanks for quoting it... I looked at the middle column, and was like "Huh?!" XD

[Mickey]

Ok,sorry! Maybe I should have said,since I have been reading Dear Abby,I have not seen a negative comment about gay people. Thanks,Lex,the trivia was enlightening and interesting!

[Cheese Love]

This is reeeeally random... But my grandma went to high school with the original Dear Abby.

And of course, that's a really neat response :]