Why 'come out'? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

-Michael- · 7th Jan 2009, 03:27 PM

Personally I don't think we should have to come out.

Lord knows my brother never as a straight person, or my father, or my friends....
or anyone for that matter...

So i say we all just do as we please.

For example:
If you like someone, GO FOR IT! Kiss them if the opportunity arrives.
Be in a gay relationship.
Then when you bring them home and your parents go "What's this?"
you say "My boyfriend/girlfriend"
Then when they say "What the hell!!! Why didn't you tell us?"
you say "Didn't think it was that big a deal..."
"I don't recall (older sibling) telling you they're straight"
Then you go upstairs and have loud as hell sexy time!!!

Just like all nomal relationships.

haha

WE SHOULDN'T NEED THIS FORUM!
NIFTY THOUGH IT IS!!!
I DON'T SEE A FORUM SUPPORTING PEOPLE FOR BEING STRAIGHT!!

Mickey · 7th Jan 2009, 03:29 PM

People don't need support to be straight. That's what's "expected" of them.

RaRa · 7th Jan 2009, 03:33 PM

Yeah, it's assumed that everyone is heterosexual, so unless you tell them that's what they think.

James2612 · 7th Jan 2009, 03:35 PM

It would be great if we lived in a world where gay was as "normal" as straight. For example people dont just assume your straight!!!!

BUT unfortunatly people do assume your straight (unless your actions and personality clearly show other wise!!) - and so we gay people will allways need to "come out"!!! But like you say, we shouldnt have to - people shouldnt assume every one is straight unless told other wise!!!

McBenz · 7th Jan 2009, 03:39 PM

I think that coming out should'nt be a big deal. like i don't think you should (for me anyways) come out and say "i'm gay" at the family christmas. i think we should have an open relationship with whoever you fancy and let people ask you. they'll figure it out.

i don't like labels lol so kiss ur girlfriend/boyfriend in public. even if being gay isn't the "norm"

thebikelady · 7th Jan 2009, 05:46 PM

I seriously may wind up just going this route. People have to be pretty suspect of me anyway. I kind of casually threw it up on myspace/facebook the people who noticed didn't even really bat an eye. I wussed out and didn't go the direct route, but people (even a surprised one) just took it as me being me.

Amy · 7th Jan 2009, 05:51 PM

I've started just asuming people know and fucking with their minds. Certain people, that is. <.<

But, you are expected to be straight and, to put it nicely, there are alot of negative attitudes towards those who are not.

Bryan · 7th Jan 2009, 08:18 PM

I guess I am the only one here who feels this way, but I want to come out for more than a relationship. I just want to be honest with those around me and I want to be my self.

Oh, and I don't think we make it a big deal. The Public makes it a big deal, so we have to treat it like one.

George · 7th Jan 2009, 10:02 PM

I see your point, but things probably won't be like what you envision for a LONG time.. If ever.

**Gerry** · 7th Jan 2009, 11:05 PM

I see what you're saying and you're right we shouldn't have to come out for any reason. But that's the way society is. Everyone expects straight to be the norm and if you're not the "norm" you need to come out and say it I guess.

Janvier · 7th Jan 2009, 11:58 PM

I still don't get the point, why is coming out bad in any way?
Just because straight people don't have to?
I still think it's a very important moment in a gay persons life.

Amy · 8th Jan 2009, 12:07 AM

I think straight people should come out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janvier

I still don't get the point, why is coming out bad in any way?
Just because straight people don't have to?
I still think it's a very important moment in a gay persons life.

It totally makes us special...

listen up world · 8th Jan 2009, 07:22 PM

Yes. That's the way the world should be. Eventually, it could be that way...probably not in our lifetime or anytime soon...

starfish · 8th Jan 2009, 08:28 PM

I've been debating this a lot myself lately.

I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't have to and it is not fair, but alas that is the way the Mercedes Benz.

waitingsucks · 9th Jan 2009, 04:47 AM

unfourtunately that sort of behavior could upset your parents if you were to do something like that. It's just not showing you trust them, even though society is illogical we still have to abide by the general rule that being gay is "different" and people need appropriate warning and time to come to terms with it, both for the gay person and their friends and family

Janvier · 9th Jan 2009, 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waitingsucks

unfourtunately that sort of behavior could upset your parents if you were to do something like that.

Yeah, it's called disrepect

Just to put things into perspective, here's the same situation but much more extreme:

Quote:

If you like drugs, GO FOR IT! Do them if the opportunity arrives.
Be a junkie.
Then when you bring them home and your parents go "What's this?"
you say "My drugs"
Then when they say "What the hell!!! Why didn't you tell us?"
you say "Didn't think it was that big a deal..."
"I don't recall (older sibling) telling you they're not druggies"
Then you go upstairs and get high as hell!!!

Some people think being gay is worse than being a drug addict.

And it's not like coming out is a life changing event or anything, right?

'Coming out' is just basic communication really, letting someone know you like the same sex. There's no reason not to do it, and it's not a one time thing either, you 'come out' your whole life to many many people.
If someone asks me if I have a girlfriend, I come out, the same as a vegeterian would do when someone asks him if he wants a steak. I never came out as a carnivore but vegeterians have to.
They are different from the norm.
WE are different from the norm.

This is all just my opinion, of course.

Gumtree · 9th Jan 2009, 06:15 AM

Every time a person thinks, talks, makes a judgment, recommendation or anything about you as a person it's based on what they know and assume.

When you become a member of a minority, what they assume is suddenly wrong.

That leads to all sort of problems.

For one, when it comes to friends and family, they have the wrong expectations of you, believe you are comfortable around things you aren't and that mentality spreads to anyone they talk to you about.

When it comes to other homosexuals+, it's a way of being identified. A LOT, I mean a LOT of people instinctively avoid people that they don't "KNOW" the orientation of. It saves a lot of potential heartache and rejection, being open shows other people an openness of mind, of acceptance and shows the potential friendships and even relationships possible.

I agree that people shouldn't have to come out to avoid these situations, but until society stops "assuming" heterosexuality is the norm then yes, telling people is necessary.

And of course you don't have to tell the world, you don't even need to tell your friends, but it is necessary to tell a potential partner.

9th Jan 2009, 06:28 AM

I just told my friends so I wouldn't have to explain when I introduced them to my bf, etc. As for coming out normally, eventually people won't have to, but in this day in age we have to.

Oh btw, I love the thing about running upstairs and have loud sexy time....rofl

Peter · 9th Jan 2009, 07:19 AM

Because I want people to stop treating me like a ***** heterosexual!

kramer362 · 9th Jan 2009, 08:52 AM

I only come out to those I am close with who assume I'm heterosexual that I have never corrected on that fact before. I have enough respect for the people I'm close with to not let them find out through some stupid gossip. Everyone else can make their own assumptions I don't care.

It'd be cool if as I get older though I wouldn't have to 'come out' anymore. If I become close with someone they should already know I'm gay because I would talk openly about it as much as straight people speak about the opposite sex. Ideally...

7th Jan 2009, 03:27 PM	#1
-Michael- Been gone a while. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: DragonPhoenixLightningAwesome Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Middlesbrough, North-east England Age: 20 Posts: 2,198 Join Date: Jun 2008	Why 'come out'? Personally I don't think we should have to come out. Lord knows my brother never as a straight person, or my father, or my friends.... or anyone for that matter... So i say we all just do as we please. For example: If you like someone, GO FOR IT! Kiss them if the opportunity arrives. Be in a gay relationship. Then when you bring them home and your parents go "What's this?" you say "My boyfriend/girlfriend" Then when they say "What the hell!!! Why didn't you tell us?" you say "Didn't think it was that big a deal..." "I don't recall (older sibling) telling you they're straight" Then you go upstairs and have loud as hell sexy time!!! Just like all nomal relationships. haha WE SHOULDN'T NEED THIS FORUM! NIFTY THOUGH IT IS!!! I DON'T SEE A FORUM SUPPORTING PEOPLE FOR BEING STRAIGHT!!

7th Jan 2009, 03:29 PM	#2
Mickey Older and bolder! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Massachusetts Age: 50 Posts: 1,775 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? People don't need support to be straight. That's what's "expected" of them. __________________ We don't choose to be gay...we're CHOSEN!

7th Jan 2009, 03:33 PM	#3
RaRa We we we so excited Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Los Angeles, CA Age: 21 Posts: 7,439 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? Yeah, it's assumed that everyone is heterosexual, so unless you tell them that's what they think. __________________ Do you think about me now and then? Do you think about me now and then? Oh now I'm comin' home again Maybe we can start again

7th Jan 2009, 03:35 PM	#4
James2612 Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Rainham, near london! Age: 29 Posts: 128 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? It would be great if we lived in a world where gay was as "normal" as straight. For example people dont just assume your straight!!!! BUT unfortunatly people do assume your straight (unless your actions and personality clearly show other wise!!) - and so we gay people will allways need to "come out"!!! But like you say, we shouldnt have to - people shouldnt assume every one is straight unless told other wise!!!

7th Jan 2009, 03:39 PM	#5
McBenz Culinary Nerd Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: "i kissed a girl and i liked it" Out Status: Just about everyone. But if you ask, i'll tell Location: Kentucky Age: 19 Posts: 215 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? I think that coming out should'nt be a big deal. like i don't think you should (for me anyways) come out and say "i'm gay" at the family christmas. i think we should have an open relationship with whoever you fancy and let people ask you. they'll figure it out. i don't like labels lol so kiss ur girlfriend/boyfriend in public. even if being gay isn't the "norm" __________________ The name's Mercedes, but my friends call me Cedes. but fell free to call me anything you like, anything works i'm always here to talk so, message me anytime!

7th Jan 2009, 05:46 PM	#6
thebikelady EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: 9? Age: 28 Posts: 485 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? I seriously may wind up just going this route. People have to be pretty suspect of me anyway. I kind of casually threw it up on myspace/facebook the people who noticed didn't even really bat an eye. I wussed out and didn't go the direct route, but people (even a surprised one) just took it as me being me.

7th Jan 2009, 05:51 PM	#7
Amy DFTBA Full Member Gender: Somewhere between female and I don't know Out Status: Open, not out. Location: Northern California, United States Age: 18 Posts: 2,380 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? I've started just asuming people know and fucking with their minds. Certain people, that is. <.< But, you are expected to be straight and, to put it nicely, there are alot of negative attitudes towards those who are not. __________________ "The opposite of love is not hate, but fear" Forrest Church

7th Jan 2009, 08:18 PM	#8
Bryan EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: bestfriend & parents Location: South Florida Age: 21 Posts: 530 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Why 'come out'? I guess I am the only one here who feels this way, but I want to come out for more than a relationship. I just want to be honest with those around me and I want to be my self. Oh, and I don't think we make it a big deal. The Public makes it a big deal, so we have to treat it like one.

7th Jan 2009, 10:02 PM	#9
George Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 2,387 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Why 'come out'? I see your point, but things probably won't be like what you envision for a LONG time.. If ever.

7th Jan 2009, 11:05 PM	#10
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,542 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? I see what you're saying and you're right we shouldn't have to come out for any reason. But that's the way society is. Everyone expects straight to be the norm and if you're not the "norm" you need to come out and say it I guess. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

7th Jan 2009, 11:58 PM	#11
Janvier يَناير Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: France Age: 22 Posts: 849 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? I still don't get the point, why is coming out bad in any way? Just because straight people don't have to? I still think it's a very important moment in a gay persons life. __________________ Uncertainty excites me.

8th Jan 2009, 07:22 PM	#13
listen up world Boycrazyrawr Full Member Gender: I am covered in hair. Orientation: Guys, please. Out Status: Completely, in theory at least... Location: GA Age: 20 Posts: 1,841 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Why 'come out'? Yes. That's the way the world should be. Eventually, it could be that way...probably not in our lifetime or anytime soon...

8th Jan 2009, 08:28 PM	#14
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 31 Posts: 2,108 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? I've been debating this a lot myself lately. I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't have to and it is not fair, but alas that is the way the Mercedes Benz. __________________ All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. --Thomas J. Watson

9th Jan 2009, 04:47 AM	#15
waitingsucks Rainbow Philosopher Full Member Gender: XY Orientation: Guylove (between 2 guys) Out Status: 3 people. Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia Age: 19 Posts: 2,736 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Why 'come out'? unfourtunately that sort of behavior could upset your parents if you were to do something like that. It's just not showing you trust them, even though society is illogical we still have to abide by the general rule that being gay is "different" and people need appropriate warning and time to come to terms with it, both for the gay person and their friends and family __________________ "Do you think so little of me that if I had a choice, I'd choose to live my life dodging prejudice and discrimination?" What's all this stuff about choice? You are the way you are and no one can tell you contrary to what you know in your heart.

9th Jan 2009, 06:15 AM	#17
Gumtree EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Sydney - Australia Posts: 944 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? Every time a person thinks, talks, makes a judgment, recommendation or anything about you as a person it's based on what they know and assume. When you become a member of a minority, what they assume is suddenly wrong. That leads to all sort of problems. For one, when it comes to friends and family, they have the wrong expectations of you, believe you are comfortable around things you aren't and that mentality spreads to anyone they talk to you about. When it comes to other homosexuals+, it's a way of being identified. A LOT, I mean a LOT of people instinctively avoid people that they don't "KNOW" the orientation of. It saves a lot of potential heartache and rejection, being open shows other people an openness of mind, of acceptance and shows the potential friendships and even relationships possible. I agree that people shouldn't have to come out to avoid these situations, but until society stops "assuming" heterosexuality is the norm then yes, telling people is necessary. And of course you don't have to tell the world, you don't even need to tell your friends, but it is necessary to tell a potential partner. __________________ Life is like driving, go too fast and you will miss the scenery, then one day you won't know where you are or what you've missed.

9th Jan 2009, 06:28 AM	#18
BitterEdge Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Why 'come out'? I just told my friends so I wouldn't have to explain when I introduced them to my bf, etc. As for coming out normally, eventually people won't have to, but in this day in age we have to. Oh btw, I love the thing about running upstairs and have loud sexy time....rofl

9th Jan 2009, 07:19 AM	#19
Peter Just a guy Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Anyone who is interested Location: Milton Keynes, England Age: 56 Posts: 474 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Why 'come out'? Because I want people to stop treating me like a ***** heterosexual! __________________ Peter "God leaves us free to become whatever we like. We can be ourselves or not, as we please. We are at liberty to be real, or to be unreal. We may be true or false, the choice is ours." (Thomas Merton)

9th Jan 2009, 08:52 AM	#20
kramer362 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: western new york Age: 26 Posts: 400 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Why 'come out'? I only come out to those I am close with who assume I'm heterosexual that I have never corrected on that fact before. I have enough respect for the people I'm close with to not let them find out through some stupid gossip. Everyone else can make their own assumptions I don't care. It'd be cool if as I get older though I wouldn't have to 'come out' anymore. If I become close with someone they should already know I'm gay because I would talk openly about it as much as straight people speak about the opposite sex. Ideally...