This is a topic I've been thinking about this week. It started when a contestant on the cooking competition "Great British Bake Off" corrected a reporter and online fans asking about a girlfriend by saying he actually likes men. Get in! He is also single, and can bake, and is handsome, and cute as buttons... but alas I digress! :icon_redf Now online he received what seems to be the standard assortment of comments when a celebrity or showbiz person comes out: 1. Positive comments - great 2. *from women in case of gay men* "Why are all the good/handsome/smart men gay?" - Dumb and patronising but not really deliberately offensive. 3. "Why do they feel the need to tell everyone?" - Stupid and obviously offensive, but a different matter. And then the biggie... 4. "It was so obvious they were gay!", "I knew it", "We all knew anyway!", "Well there is a surprise...NOT" and so and so on with varying variations of sarcasm and sardonic bitterness. Now particularly given the contestant in question receiving said remarks is really not noticably femme (certainly doesn't trick my "gaydar"), and presents generally like most shy straight men I encounter it had me thinking why such comments are made. I think I can narrow it down to a few things: 1. People like pigeon-holing people and being "right". Thus when somebody comes out they like it when they had guessed this in advance 2. Where it catches them by surprise and they have "lost the guessing game", they like to win the consolation prize by listing in their mind ways the person is "obviously gay". This involves deeply scrutinising the individual for any minor thing that they believe points to them being gay. I'm guessing psychologically this comes back to the first point, and them wanting to "win" in the "next round" by spotting future closeted people. Ironically I think if most straight people were subjected to this level of scrutiny many would "fail" eventually and have something that could be deemed "gay" (in reality gender-nonconforming) about them. 3. Finally, I think this may be down to homophobia. In the past gay people "kept it to themselves" and were not seen or heard giving certain straight people a sense of control (enforced through homophobia). By gay people being open and honest the homophobic individuals feel they are losing this control and so have to have one last stab at putting down the gay individual, or stereotyping them. They feel it gives them a sense of power. I must add that this is not something done exclusively by straight people, I have noticed gay people doing this as well, usually re straight or suspected closeted celebrities. I think it all comes back to an assumption that sexuality is public property, when in fact it should be something personal.
Exactly! That's why I was pleased about how he [Bake Off cutie whose name we're apparently not mentioning] 'came out'. Very casual - he was just being honest and answering the question. It wasn't overblown or even covered that much in the media; unlike when the young woman from a couple of years ago on Bake Off came out. When she came out, the reaction was much the same to what you described above but was a more widespread event.
Thought I'd save him the embaressment, although he is swoonworthy. He reminds me of someone I work with, also gay, unfortunately very much taken! :lol: I think in her case it was just bad timing, probably caused by her not having enough confidence to come out earlier. During the show she was pretty much made out to be a bit of a straight-flirt, or "slutty". I think it took her a few years to feel confident in her sexuality and then came out due to that unfinished business; she was trying to "clear her name". Unfortunately the gap in timing immediately had her shot down as just "attention seeking" and it all backfired on her. Its a dramatic show this bake off! :lol:
You can't really say you knew someone was gay by just looking at them. Not everyone follows stereotypes. As for, '' OMG he should not have came out, who cares?'', they're being hypocritical. If you take the time to type it, you obviously do care. Anyways, he didn't do it to bring attention, he just corrected them.
Not to take this thread off track or anything, but I have to point out how great Bake Off is: Paul Hollywood has OCD and Mary Berry is the one behind a lot of the innuendo. Also, she's ridiculously posh: "the layers are there" becomes "the lairs are thair".
IDK if we're talking about this Bake Off thingy only or "I knew..." in general, but, um... My mom said she totallly knew I was LGBT somehow when I came out as trans... she had even sent me signals and stuff, she said... Meh.
Nope, definitely not talking about Bake Off only, it was just a good example. And I think it is slightly different when loved ones or close relatives/friends say "I knew" because it is usually coming from a different place (with good intentions and to make a person feel comfortable), albeit it can still be patronising. In those instances they may have perhaps picked out on signs re dating habits, the person being introspective or depressed or indeed certain stereotyped behaviors which may have increased the statistical likelihood that a child was non-straight at least (say if you have a son that loves doing drag, there is probably a reasonable chance they would be). But what I was referring more to in this thread was strangers saying they "knew", as in this instance it is more often than not used in an insulting manner. Now thats not to say when the recipient is very stereotypical or gender-nonconforming that they should be ashamed of it (they can and should just go "so what?") BUT what bothers me is this deliberate attempt from strangers to shame, put down or label people in this manner (be the recipient femme or butch). That I believe is an invasion of privacy, and an attempt to claim ownership or dominate the person's journey and story. Oh indeed, she is a minx that Mary!
