Hi guys I want your advice on two odd comments my boyfriend has made. To cut a long story short, we met back in June and have been together ever since. He's 19 and I'm 22. He lives about 2 minutes walk from me, however unfortunately he's at a different University, which means we're in a Long Distance Relationship for 6 months of the year. He is the ultra-reserved type; he only came out when he was 18. He says he loves me and wants to spend his life with me (yes, I know it may sound intense to some) but I have no doubt he is being entirely truthful of his feelings. He's very mature and no doubt has his "head screwed on well" so to speak. I trust him completely - and he trusts me completely too...OR SO I THOUGHT? Basically, I'm a final year Medical student, and when we met, he had told me he had unprotected sex with an ex once... I didn't think much of it until he told me he came down with tonsillitis a few weeks after. This immediately rang alarm bells in my head... Unprotected Anal Sex + Tonsillitis 2 weeks later = possible HIV? So I told him to get tested. Frankly, I could've worded it better, but he became terrified of HIV infection to the point he was vomiting with anxiety. I tried to reassure him. His tests then came back negative. He made it clear he would never have unprotected sex *Ever* again. But last weekend I went over to visit him. We were fooling around, and as I was about to ejaculate, he climbed ontop of me. My semen squirted over his genital region but not near his anus. I then, just before he came, spat saliva onto my finger and inserted it into his rectum. Immediately after he orgasmed, he rolled onto his side beside me and, whilst hugging me, I saw his hand go down to his rectum. To cut a long story short, he was actually checking to see if my semen had entered him... And he then gave me a mini lecture saying I "shouldn't have done that" and to "not do it again"...I was dumbfounded. Not only is semen *outside* the rectum NO risk for HIV infection - but was my boyfriend seriously suggesting that I have HIV? I thought it was a careless comment at best, and I'd leave it. The next day, we both shaved our facial hair. He gave me his razer with a new, disposable blade. But then tonight on Skype, he asked me: "Can you remember who used the razer last?" Seeing where this was about to go, I immediately said: "Eh...what?" to which he asked the same question again. I jokingly said: "You can't catch any serious diseases from it, you know" to which he said: "Well, you never know" with a half smile... Part of me wants to dump him, not only for his complete ignorance of Scientific facts - but also that he's basically insinuating I have, or *could* have some terrible disease - namely HIV. I don't know - I'm not sure if I'll say to him this time (I don't think he even sees the offence in his comments)... Not only are his comments hurtful, ignorant and darn right rude... I can't help but wonder where this paranoia is coming from... What do you guys think about it? SORRY MY POST WAS LONG!!
Your boyfriend is thoughtful and cares about his health and yours. Had I been in his position I would have said and done the same thing. He isn't assuming you are HIV+, he is being careful and thoughtful and realizes that anyone could have HIV and perhaps not even know, so he's being cautious, as he should be. It is quite possible to transmit the HIV virus if, for example, you were HIV+, had your semen on your finger, and put your finger in his rectum. It is also possible to transmit the HIV virus from a razor since small cuts and minor bleeding during shaving are not uncommon. Rather that be offended, you should be happy to have someone who cares enough about health and safety to ensure that both of you are being as safe as possible
I don't get it. You're thinking about ending things with him because he's possibly insinuating that you may have HIV too? Maybe he thinks that you possibly had a mini freak out, thinking that you could have HIV or that maybe you should get tested as well, seeing as how he did. To be honest, it would only be fair and really, you both should get a check up regularly anyway.
Get tested and call his bluff. If your finger has just touched semen after you ejaculate and then you stick a finger in his ass, he has a right to be concerned. I would be too. Although HIV dies quickly usually, you can never be too safe, especially around the anus. In the future, get tested together. it is not unfair to ask a partner to get tested with you 2-4 times a year. Condoms break after all, and you need to keep each other accountable. Just my 2 cents or pence.
Also... Getting tested tells you only one thing: a negative result says that, at that moment in time, your body has no antibodies to HIV. You could have been exposed to, and infected by, the HIV virus a week prior to the test, have a ton of virus running around in your system, be at peak risk of infecting someone... And still test negative on an HIV antibody screen. DO NOT RELY ON TESTING AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR CONDOMS AND SAFER SEX!! Always, always, always use condoms and safer sex precautions. People lie, and worse, they make momentary bad decisions that they feel terrible about... So they don't tell their partner. That is the cause of the majority of new HIav infections.
