Why did my colleague take offence?

From my perspective she either she didn't like the idea of "Sarah <3 Joan" or she didn't find the joke even remotely funny. I get that you and some colleagues may have found it funny but given as you've stated, Joan doesn't seem to be on friendly ground with Sarah, she may have disliked it.

 

I don't understand how she find that offensive lol

 

Well, some people have no sense of humor. I can't understand it, but its good to be careful around that type.

 

Erm, what exactly does "Sarah <3 Joan" mean?

I guess it's "Sarah loves Joan"?

If Joan found it offensive then I'm not sure why.

 

There are things that are offensive and there are things that are unprofessional.

The manager was likely laughing because she found it funny objectively; however, she followed up with requesting that you send an apology because she understood that from a professional standpoint it wasn't necessarily appropriate. We have to always remind ourselves that are coworkers are coworkers first and friends second for as long as we are working alongside them. If you notice that a coworker is tense or upset with a fellow coworker and you have no connection to the situation, then it is always best to stay on the sidelines and not involve yourself because we don't know what is going on between them and we certainly don't want to get dragged into.

Joke with coworkers as long as they are joking along with you, but if it seems that there is genuine tension in the workplace then it is best not to make light of it regardless of how silly the joke might be.

 

It could be that Joan felt you were ruining her chances with Sarah, who she liked, by ridiculing the situation?

 

Please keep an open mind as to what I'm about to say, I feel that this situation needs understanding and to understand, the truth must be brought up. I totally understand why she was upset. I'm sure the two dislike each other to say the least and teasing both individuals in the way that you did was a little childish. She probably felt betrayed and felt like all these people who where laughing with you where taking Sarah's side when in reality, Sarah an Joan need to sit down and talk as two adults instead of going around saying things about each other. Your joke didn't make the situation better at all, again, Joan was probably offended and really, who knows why she's being rude to Sarah.

Maybe you thought it was funny and maybe others did but please keep in mind that just because you and a few others found it funny, doesn't mean that her feelings towards this are invalid. You definitely do owe both an apology after that.

 

I can't really say. I'm actually rather overly sensitive to the point where it becomes problematic sometimes, but even I wouldn't take offense to that.

 

There are various reasons she could be offended but they do not matter. If you offend someone, you apologize and leave it at that.

Edit: While I am in no way trying to call you a bully or anything, I would just like to say, if you are doing something which upsets someone through the use of ridiculing them, it is bullying in my eyes.

Just apologize to her and make she understands that it was a joke.

 

Um, I might have misread the thing. Or well, I most definitely did, lol. Just nvm my post ;__;

 

Meh, just go and apologize in person if you mean it. And see how she will respond. Might give you a perspective on her side of thing. Not that I give a damn about this person's feeling. I'm just curious about her reaction. Will she apologize too? Or will she be hostile and patronizing? Or maybe she'll just shut up and mind her business?

Think of it as an experiment, if you might.

 

Like everyone else said: It's OK. Don't overthink it. She probably lacks sense of humo(u)r.

 

Look at it this way: maybe Joan's being "cold" with the new girl because she's hiding the beginning of a crush or similar feelings towards her? And now there's a sign that reveals her big secret? And maybe other people see the sign as making fun or even humiliating the fact it's two women? See where this can go?

As Gen pointed out, regardless of whether it's childish or not, it's unprofessional.

 

Wow, I'm surprised nobody's put this potential option on the table: Maybe she's overtly against the thought of being labeled as a lesbian, or toward homosexuality in general. Maybe she just really hates gays and the mere thought of being labeled as gay repulses her so much that she couldn't help but be offended.

...Or you know, she could just be a bit of a stuck up bitch. Just my thoughts.

 

Or maybe it isn't as homophobic as all that. Maybe it's simply that she is uncomfortable having it implied that her sexuality is something other than what it is. I would think that those in the LG community would be able to appreciate something like that, as they often get assumed (or implied) to be straight, and I hear a lot about how much it annoys them. Or maybe Joan *is* a closeted lesbian and resents this implied outing. Or maybe...it was just a dumb unprofessional non-joke and should simply be apologized for.

When someone puts up a sign that says "amoore has crabs"...is it funny? Do you have to "lack a sense of humor" to want a work environment where you're free from that kind of childish stupidity? Sheesh, color me humorless.

 

Have to agree with this. She probably just didn't find it funny because of the heat of the moment. And considering that it was in the workplace, coupled with the fact that she was already angry, she would, of course, get pissed. But for me, I'd probably laugh. But you always have to know the person well and what their reaction might be if you play a joke on them

 

Well lemme just say that I meant for my response to come off as either or, either she's homophobic or just doesn't like being called a lesbian.

As for that last bit, to be fair, it's not like they called her something offensive or insensitive. I mean, if loving someone is insensitive then idfk what I've been doing. It's kinda different than saying someone has crabs. It doesn't even necessarily have anything to do with sexual love, I mean, it could be the love you have for your friend or something.

The important thing however, is that she did get upset and the best thing for you to do is apologize and move on. This will fade over time, as all things do.

 

It's unprofessional and insensitive. No one wants to be publicly made fun of in front of their boss and all their coworkers when they're having a problem at work. If you don't know why these two have an issue between them, then their issue is none of your business, and you certainly didn't need to make it the business of everyone in the office. You can't possibly be unaware how serious it is either to potentially (even in jest) out two people at work. You have no idea as to the sexuality of either of them, and with all that LGBTQ people have fought for and continue to fight for, it certainly IS a big deal to have that issue presented before everyone in the office without their consent. This Joan woman has been around long enough to feel secure enough in expressing her displeasure to you, but the Sarah woman is brand new, and might have been embarrassed by what you did or concerned that it will affect the way her boss views her at her job (since she is already having a problem with a long-time employee), but she may not feel like she can say so to you. What if she is in fact gay, and you just outed her to the office, even if it is a silly joke about a woman she has no interest in?

This sounds like the kind of thing someone does in elementary school to me. It's definitely not appropriate behavior for work. You're there to do your job, not antagonize and exacerbate problems between your coworkers. Did you really think they would both see that and laugh and then shake hands and be friends evermore? You don't know what's really gone on between them to cause the problem to begin with.

Just so you're aware, I don't know how things go in the UK, but in the US and several other countries, what you just did could be considered sexual harassment and could invite a serious problem in your office that you would have to deal with later. If you are implying in any way publicly, as a joke at either of these women's expense, that they are sexual with each other, and if they feel harassed by that because it was for a man's entertainment, one of them could report it and pursue it. Whether or not a lawsuit could be upheld over it probably depends on what other things you have said or pranks you have pulled at work, but it would certainly result in a reprimand at the least in some other countries.

Publicly humiliating your coworkers is generally not a good idea. Remember too always in your employment, the enemies you make on the way up, may be the people you need most on your way down. Be kind and generous to everyone, and never give anyone a reason to speak ill of you as an employee, nor as a person, while you are working. What if you boss gets ousted and someone else in the office who had a problem with your note gets promoted above you? They'll remember that, and may pass you over for future promotions because they think you are not mature enough, or because you offended their friend, or because they think you may not have good people skills.

I realize that is not the fun answer, but realistically, jokes at work usually work against the jokester. Off-colour humor, jokes at another's expense, or jokes on sensitive topics... all are a terrible idea when you're on the job, whether out loud, or in written work communications.

Saying the woman can't take a joke is a really immature way of looking at it. I am guessing you're really young, but as you get older, you're likely to think back on this and cringe a little that it wasn't the best idea. Be known at work for your stellar skills, not for your ability to hurt someone else's feelings.