Hey EC people! I'm feeling super reminiscent right now, I was bored on my computer so I looked up what to do and one suggestion was "visit your favourite website" and, well, here I am! The beginning of this reminiscent journey isn't exactly a great one. Two years ago, in March 2013, a very confused 13 year old Matt found a website, without any idea that this website would put the spark back in me which I had lost and help me continue a happy life. I started my account as username "WhatIsWrongWithMe". (drama queen). Well, I guess it's because my whole upbringing has been with homophobic parents so at this point I had been wrongly educated against gays. I plunged into depression when I first began questioning my sexuality, not being able to cope with the anxiety that I was bringing shame to my family. So I wrote my first post full of self-hatred and confusion. I put at the end "please don't give me any hate". I clearly had no idea of what this community was like. I received nothing but support and advice, which amazed me. After a while of very deep thinking and questioning, I came out to myself as gay, which felt so relieving. I desperately asked to change my username because I realised that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me or anyone in the LGBT community. For the first time in weeks I started to feel comfortable in my own skin again, and I didn't feel depressed any more. A few months later, in about November, I built up a massive amount of courage and told my best friend who means the world to me. He took this news with nothing but support and care, and boy it felt good to have someone to share my real feelings with. He helped me build more and more confidence over months, and in April 2014, over a year after realising my sexuality, I came out to the school. See, I was lucky enough to go to a private drama school where everyone is very acceptive of all sexual orientations, because I guess it's expected in a way to find gays at a theatre school. There was not one person who said a negative thing about me and I was literally in ecstasy. I enjoyed school so much for the remaining months of Year 10 and all of Year 11. However, in April this year I took a turn for the worse. Depression flooded in again when my parents made some disgustingly offensive comments about gays. My mum told me she'd be really disappointed if I ever turned out gay. On gay pride day once my dad said "I hope it rains" - disgusting. But the one thing he said that really struck a nerve was when I was doing GCSE history research. I said to him "Can you believe how many Jews died in Auschwitz" and he said "I know it's terrible" and I continued on to say "millions of gay people were killed too" and he laughed and said "well that's not too bad then". This still disgusts me today and I'm sure it disgusts many of you too. I still feel terrible when I think about it now. But again, nothing but support from you guys when I posted. I've managed to get over the shame that I was feeling, because I have no urge whatsoever to tell my parents - I'm perfectly fine at the moment. I'm 16 now and have started college, no one knows yet and I'm not even sure if I will because I don't feel the need to right now. If I feel like it, I will, because I'm not afraid of coming out to anyone except my family. So yeah, that's the story of Matt123! I'd love to hear everyone's stories and journeys in sexual orientation and how you feel about it! Love you guys, Matt (*hug*):icon_bigg
Sorry to hear your parents are like that, that must be really awful. But it is wonderful that you've been able to accept yourself because your own self-acceptance is the most important acceptance, and sometimes the hardest for people. So congratulations on accepting yourself and telling people and being in an accepting school My story? Well let's see. I guess I never really thought I could be gay/bi. I just kind of went with the flow, but I was always pretty quiet and didn't really understand why all my friends were boy-crazy. There were a couple "gay scares" but nothing drastic. So I had some denial, but overall I was never overwhelmingly attracted to a girl for a while. Some guys liked me, but every time they asked me out, I got terrified and turned them down. That confused me a lot. Then I started realizing my attraction toward a friend who's a girl, even though I'd been denying it. I think after I acknowledged that, I was quick to take to the idea of liking girls since my whole fear-of-guys thing concerned me. But now I'm beginning to realize I have a long way to go of self-acceptance and there are a lot of things I'm not actually comfortable with when it comes to liking girls. So who knows? I still have a lot to figure out and work on and hopefully it will become clearer in the future (*hug*)
Nice to meet you Matt! Hopefully your parents will accept you sooner than later! I have a lengthy story, so here is a link to it : My story... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out
