When in doubt use "they?"

"They" can be confusing when used outside certain circles, and can also be a blow to the identity and self-esteem of those who are not non-binary, but due to circumstances have a gender presentation that's ambiguous (e.g. transwomen, transmen). That said, sometimes there are few alternatives.

I was raised in a gendered culture where "ma'am" and "sir" are commonly used and I always have trouble when I'm speaking to a person whose gender is not clear (obviously in a situation where I don't know the person, like a cashier). If I say "thank you," I always automatically add "sir"/"ma'am," but a wrench is thrown in the plan when they don't "appear" one or the other gender. I look for clues but sometimes I very awkwardly avoid recognizing them as one gender, and awkwardly just say "yes"/"no"/"thank you," without "ma'am"/"sir." It may sound weird but I find it hard not to use those words.

 

I actually find myself using 'they' even if I am not confused with someones gender, it's just a natural habit to me.

Example: "They're going to be late." Even when I am talking about 1 person.

 

Substitute name if you know their name, otherwise, singular "they" is acceptable, at least for me. The matter is still debated very often. As we move on as a society and gender neutrality permeates more aspects of life, there might finally be a day where we has an official word for a non-gender-specific third person noun.

Though, it probably only matter on publications only, and in common usage, however you want to say it is your own business.

 

"They" implies plural, and it is hard to adjust to that. I would be willing to use "they" if I knew a GQ or agender person though.

 

What about "it?" It's singular, albeit for an object not a person.

 

I use their name if I am uncertain! It seems to work well

 

Same here. Although I don't find it confusing as people usually know what you mean, it is technically incorrect and I try to avoid the degradation of our beautiful language.

I do wish we had some gender-neutral pronoun though. In lieu of one, "they" works well enough for most cases where "he or she" is too cumbersome.

 

I think most people would be offended to be referred to as 'it' - particularly if they are transgender.

 

I avoid pronouns until I know, or I follow other people's cue. I think "they" can get confusing pretty quickly... and there is no gender-neutral "they" in France anyway.

 

I don't think comparing a person with an object(which we use the "it" pronoun) is appropriate.

 

I understand it's rather insensitive, but there are no viable alternatives to "they," which is the best we have (although there is even a basis for a singular "they"). One could almost say that there is an erasure issue that all people who are non-binary and communicate in a language without gender-neutral pronouns intrinsically face.

 

If I'm not sure the actual gender of a person I'm talking about I'll use they, mainly when I'm talking about Gintama and Yagyuu Kyuubei. I've always presumed it's the most correct thing to say.

 

I've always used "they" for ambiguous parties even before I knew anything about the LGBTQ+ community, and I've continued to use it since.

Also, there are a fair number of nonbinary people who are comfortable with usage of "it", but it can be incredibly demeaning if they aren't so I would stay away from it unless you're explicitly told to use it.

 

Just gonna add my opinion here, as an NB person, most of us prefer "they/them/their". "It" is a pretty offensive term to use. Don't use it.

 

It seems to me that singular "they" is beginning to catch on, for two reasons.

1) Because of the influence of the feminist movement, the idea that a hypothetical person's gender is assumed to be male seems outdated, and "he/she" in place of singular "they" is not at all elegant.

2) Nonbinary people who might prefer the singular "they" as their pronoun are becoming increasingly accepted by Western society.

Maybe in a decade or so, singular "they" will be seen as almost universally correct.

 

It's become a habit for me, even if people give me weird looks. Better safe than sorry, right?

Regarding grammar, it's always changing. Plenty of rules wouldn't have made sense centuries ago.

 

I generally use they if I don't have a better alternative, although I will admit that it can feel somewhat awkward when referring to a single person.

 

I want to say that "they" certainly is a proper pronoun to use on one person. It's both the 3rd person plural (for M/F/N), and it's a 3rd person singular pronoun (for N, in some cases). There's also "one", generic "he", as well as "it", and "who". Literally it's been in use for hundreds of years as a neutral pronoun.

My boyfriend, when he knows he can't address me as a female, always says "Well this one doesn't even like bacon!", or "I don't think "that one" would like it". It's pretty ambiguous, although maybe a bit weird if you use it too much.

I personally don't have a problem with being called "they" when it's understandable that you don't know. After you ask me or I tell you, I prefer it not. I would say to always use "they" when you don't know, but I'm sure some disagree.