Dealing with stupid questions/comments

So, how long have you been gay! It all started when I ate/drank...*insert their favourite food/drink here* or started wearing *insert something they're wearing*

 

Half of the things you've written, I don't find dumb at all. Coming out takes serious balls. It can get you killed, disowned, and bring upon a lifetime of ridicule which can make you fear for your safety. Others letting us know they have gay friends is a way (albeit a somewhat odd one) to let you know they're cool with gay people and have some experience around gay people.

How do you know / how long have you known is a fairly common question. Straight people typically don't have the experience of same sex attraction and most media features heterosexual relationships. The vast majority of the world is straight and the gay scene can be peculiar at times. Think back to when you were younger and knew nothing about the LGBT community. In many ways we're still an insular culture and people can go their entire lives only dealing marginally with gay people, but that doesn't mean they're bad people.

Honestly, I've spoken with many LGBT people about these very questions/statements and you learn a lot about each other answering them. A lot of these questions are borne out of ignorance (something which I've never found to be a negative word, it simply means you don't know), not necessarily hatred/homophobia.

 

First, I want you to understand that those who ask these questions are only curious. There are a lot of straight people who feel that asking questions and making statements about their other LGBTQ+ friends shows that they're being really accepting. I understand that the feeling of "okay, I get it" often comes into play, so you're not wrong for feeling the way you do.

With that being said, I think the best way to go about it is to correct them while giving them their answer. For example:

Them: Coming out really took balls, man.
You: For some, yes. (finish this with your coming out experience)

Them: I love gay people, I have a gay friend back home.
You: That's cool, I've got many straight friends as well, so I guess we're equal.

Them: So, how long have you been gay?
You: I came out ___ but, I've always been gay.

Them: How do you know?
You: If you ask yourself the same question on your sexuality, you'll have the answer.

Them: What made you feel this way?
You: Cute boys?

 

So you think your gay? I just want to awnser no I know I'm bi.

 

Well, it's a display of privilege. I facepalm on the inside. I'm not privileged enough to literally facepalm at privileged people saying ridiculous things to me. Oftentimes, these statements come one after another, and when that happens I often try to enlighten them without pointing at their privilege. People don't respond well to that.

If it's just one thing, and they've only said it once, I just let it go, and save the facepalm for later.

 

I think these two are ignorant, not dumb.

 

Omg this is hilarious XD;;;;;;

I have only come out to people I'm pretty close to, so I haven't gotten too many dumb things except the tried and true "how do girls even have sex???"

My response to this is doing the v-licking gesture as aggressively as possible until they change the subject XD;;;;; Sometimes you have to fight ignorance with vulgarity XD;;;;

If the questions are well-meaning or they really just have no idea because they've never thought about it or been exposed to it, of course I'm a lot kinder, haha~

 

One of the most ignorant questions I've heard is "are you the boy or the girl?" My response is always "we're both guys, that's kind of the point."

It's not really a dumb question though, just a rather insensitive way to ask what they really mean: "what is your preferred sexual position?"

 

Yeah, I remember being on a date once with this girl and she asked which one of us was the guy. We only dated for three days though and then she dumped me when she realised she was straight.

---------- Post added 17th Oct 2015 at 12:33 PM ----------

I'm not really bothered by such questions, as I often have a planned response to each.

"Coming out took balls man"
-So far I've never got this one, I've only ever got "well duh" "no one cares" "I'm surprised you came out to me". "Have you ever had any bad experiences coming out to others?"

"I love gay people, I have a gay friend back home"
-Oh cool I guess, do you get on with them?

So how long have you been gay/ when did you know?
-Well I started having crushes on girls at age eleven but I only really accepted and figured out my orientation at fourteen year old.

How do you know?
-I've never had this question before, but if I was asked I'd probably say " Well, I mean have you seen women?" :lol:

What made you feel this way?

I've never had this one either. I'd probably respond "girls, and probably hormones I guess, who knows?" (!)

 

I don't see any of them as malicious and therefore answer them honestly and respectfully

 

"Coming out really took balls man"
Me: yea, it's just the way i like em.
Them: =O

"I love gay people, I have a gay friend back home"
Yea so do i...on the men side that is. makes the two of us. i got a lot of straight.....blah blah blah

"So, how long have you been gay?"
that's insinuating, that it's a choice, which is not, but i found out by....

"How do you know?"
i educate em with a story. of course some people go a bit ignorant about it by ignoring the rest of the story but that's their problem, not mines.

"What made you feel this way?"
that's simple. the same way you look at women is the same way i look at men. goes with the emotional, mental and physical side of things.

yea i know how it feels. sometimes people say that because they want to learn more about yourself and, have different answers and perspectives then most.

 

^^^ This. My favorite is "Oh so you're the woman." If I were blunt enough the rhetorical response would be "Oh I wasn't aware I had a vagina." :dry:

 

I think for some it usually means, who does the more woman-esque type of stuff, pretty much the stereoptypical stuff like cleaning and cooking. At least that's what I took out of it. I called my ex the 'wife' in the relationship because he'd get really mad over a small mess and stuff.

 

AWWW MAN, i forgot this one too. haha, i'm pretty much upfront and honest with this one. i'd just ask if they want to know how we fuck. 9/10 times, they shut up after that. really depends on how you take it. no pun intended.....

 

I find that the women I've had this discussion with have a fascination with gay sex. I've pretty much gotten it to a tee. I first have to discuss how gay sex works. They somehow find the need to relate it to their own. And I say unless you find the need to "cleanse" yourself before doing the act, then NO it's not the same. :rolle:

Guys on the other hand would shut up 99% of the time. With the mere concept that they're gonna have to visually play it out in their head of you discuss details. :lol:

 

A few questions aren't exactly what I'll call stupid. Some are pretty serious. The one on loving gay people cuz they have friends that are though, is really the stupid one.

One of my friends, whos bi-curious, had a pest ask her this before: "Will my parents kill me if I come out?" (My friend has never met the pest's parents before) I nearly spat my drink laughing. Why was she asking someone who never met her parents on their reaction of her coming out?

 

I honestly answer questions like that, even if I think the answer is so obvious that it almost physically hurts to be reminded that some folks are ignorant about it. I feel happy when I leave a positive impression on someone, especially if they used to confuse my sexuality with all kinds of weird things.

If someone asks a question and doesn't really want to learn, then I accept that as an invitation to joke around until I'm bored ^^;

That reminds me. I can feel frustrated when I'm dealing with folks that aren't very skilled with technology, but I remain calm and sort out their problem(s). I built up a resistance over time. If anything, I need to be careful that I don't overwhelm people with information. Everyone was a n00b at some point.

 

Members of the lgbt community need to have patience when it comes to questions like these. We need to remember that straight people have a completely different upbringing for romance compared to us. We learn things a little different both from personal experience and seeking outside knowledge. These questions suck, but I would say 85% of the time these questions come from a straight person with good intentions who's just trying to understand us