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Feeling unattractive due to being Asian...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Steve FS, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. Steve FS

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    This is sort of a... rant/vent thread, but I'd like to start a discussion about this.

    I'm Asian. I'm gay, 5'7", have black hair and brown eyes, and tan skin. I don't exactly fit the profile of the attractive blue-eyed white man that's displayed in media, but it's never really bothered me until I started to try online dating.

    I never noticed how much aversion there were to Asians in the gay community (I don't know about the straight community, so feel free to give input). I've read COUNTLESS profiles that said "No Asians.", and it's often written by people who I do find attractive.

    It's a little discouraging.

    However, what really hurt my ego was this message I received. It was from a white guy who was very attractive physically, and his profile seemed O.K, so I decided to give it a "Like".

    Moments later, he sent me a message along the lines of this:

    "Asians are not men."
    "They are pathetic bottoms."
    "Real men are not Asians. No one will over love you. Go back to your kind."

    Before I managed to say anything, he blocked me. Ugh.

    I understand that not everyone is attracted to every race, and we have a right to our racial preferences, but it just sucks how I can't even prove my worth due to something I can't change about myself. It makes me feel envious of other ethnicities, and I HATE being like this.

    So I created this thread to ask for your input. Do you find Asians attractive? Why/why not?

    Feel free to leave your input if you're another race as well and have your own insecurities about it.
     
    #1 Steve FS, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  2. Alder

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    Do I find Asians attractive? Yes. There is no reason why or why not. I'm just attracted to who I am attracted to, and for me race or ethnicity has never been a limiting factor on that. I don't have a preference any which way.

    I get how irritating and discouraging it is though to read and see that kind of stuff. I'm Chinese myself so sometimes I struggle with this as well. Luckily I do live in a place where I see quite a lot of mixed race couples, so I feel a little better in that sense. But I completely understand your insecurities in this sense, and it isn't fair on you.
    (Also, that guy sounds like a jerk. You deserve much better than him.)

    All I can say is, even though you might find it more difficult sometimes, and there might be those who will turn away from you for something you can't even change, you'll find someone one day who'll love you for who you are. Not despite the fact that you're Asian- your race shouldn't be something to "put up with," it's not a catch or something to be looked down upon; it's part of who you are and something to be proud of- You'll find someone who loves you for all of you. That's the least you deserve.

    Don't listen to those kinds of comments my friend, or what those people say; your ethnicity doesn't demean your worth by any means at all.
     
    #2 Alder, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  3. Charon

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    Yes, I am attracted to Asians. And that guy's just a racist fuckwad, don't listen to him.
     
  4. Berru

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    I do find asians attractive. Mostly due to the soft features and the tan-but-not-too-tan skin. And the eyes, there's something about the eyes.
    Plus I tend to like people who are shorter than me :3

    I find it repulsive that some people treat asians like that guy did. I'm sorry to her about your bad experiences.
    I don't know if you can find solace in this, but it's not you as a person they're targeting, it's the entire asian community. It's a racism thing.
    And that doesn't mean you're unattractive, it just means there's a certain group of people who have chosen to exclude an entire population based on some sort of racism.


    As for racial insecurities... I grew up in a caucasian/aryan environment, with brown hair and brown eyes, and I've always wished that, if nothing else, my eyes were blue. People like my eyes, but I can't help but feel they'd get noticed even more if they were blue like "the rest of them", if that makes sense. I've come to realise I probably wouldn't suit blonde hair very well, although I envy those who are blondes because I think it looks pretty, and because it would be *so* much easier to dye my hair if it was naturally blonde and didn't have to be bleached.
    Plus, when I lived in Norway, a country filled with blue-eyed blonde-haired people, people would always ask me where I was from because I didn't look Norwegian, despite my efforts to fit in.

    Got a little sidetracked here, but, erh...

    Keep on hoping and trying, I'm sure you'll eventually find someone for you. :slight_smile:
     
  5. RawringSnake

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    If that's you in your avatar, that guy has no taste (on top of being a colossal prick). You are not unattractive.
     
  6. Metal

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    If that's you in your avatar then you're a very good looking guy! It sounds like the guy who you're talking about was simply a bit racist. Asian men and women are also considered some of the most attractive looking people in the world by many so there's no need to feel bad about your looks and who you are.
     
    #6 Metal, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  7. Steve FS

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    I forgot to add this onto my initial post, so I'll just post this here.

    I'm not going to say that there hasn't been people who haven't been interested, but the ones that have, majority are a little nasty, and outright offensive.

    I've had comments like "I want you to be my pool boy." or "So what man are you dancing for today? :wink: " or "Come and cook for me."

    Some muscley straight guy (according to his profile) even told me that he could "make use of me" before his girlfriend came home, and to give him a massage with a "happy ending." wtf! Why do people think it's okay to say these things to other people?

    I don't know if other people experience this, but the messages that I do get, I get treated like... I'm some sort of sex servant for someone. Like they just want me for the sex and the fun for the long term. Blah.

    ---

    @RawringSnake , @Metal: Aha... ya that's me in the avatar :icon_redf, haha. Thank you both for the compliment.

    Yea, that's true. It's just a little irritating having to come across these messages. Patience is the key to everything, right?

    Hmm.. actually, thinking about it like that makes me feel a little better. I took it as a personal insult for some reason, but when you put it that way, it makes it feel less personal.
     
    #7 Steve FS, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  8. Metal

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    The people you find on online dating websites tend to often be after one night stands or go all weird so don't take their comments seriously and ignore them, I once made fake accounts to check it out and that's all I found.

    (btw hello from my anonymous topic lol)
     
    #8 Metal, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  9. Steve FS

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    haha, hello :slight_smile:
     
  10. RawringSnake

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    Aaaah, you see, here I would just tell you to not take those comments personally. I can assure you those guys are not singling you out because of your race, they would talk like that to anyone that showed interest. They are not looking for a good time with some guy (not in the normal sense of "a good time" no), they are looking for a "fag" to "serve/worship them." That's what they get off on, and, believe it or not, there are lots of guys more than eager to fulfill that kind of fantasy. I'm not gonna comment on whether or not this is a healthy frame of mind to operate on, but it is a thing.

    These guys are targeting a specific subset of the gay community (the self-labeled "fags"), and these demographic enjoys (on some level) the rough treatment/language. They talk like that because it cuts to the point and sets the tone for how things are gonna go down if you are inclined to take them up on their offer. I know it can be incredibly insulting to receive that kind of messages if this isn't your thing, but know that they are not doing it because they have a beef with you in particular. Ignore them and move on (block 'em in the process, sometimes they can be persistent).
     
    #10 RawringSnake, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  11. gravechild

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    Well, you shouldn't, which isn't to say I don't know why you'd feel that way. I'm Hispanic, Latin American, etc. and I think having some European ancestry gives more leeway than with Blacks, Asians, and stereotypical looking, "pure" Native Americans. We're seen as "good for sex", an exotic experience, or only there to serve their needs.

    Anyway, for your question: yes, I've found Asians attractive. Daniel Henney, Henry Shim Jr., Jessica Gomes. I don't make a fetish out of it, either, since I find people from many different races and ethnic groups attractive. If anything, I think the shared understanding of being people of color, or similar cultural and physical traits, might play a small part, but not always.

    I try to stay away from those who don't accept me, and don't go looking for approval from others. If someone is into you, give them a chance. A lot of minorities complain about being rejected by white men, but then turn around and do the same with members of their own and/or other groups.
     
  12. Distant Echo

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    Look at it this way. They are making it very easy for you to avoid them. Excluding themselves without you having to do any work.
    Every single person who says "No Asians" is someone you don't want to be around. This way you don't have to interact with them at all. Don't be disappointed, be relieved.
     
  13. Kinky

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    America is so funny!!
    If I ever lived there, I'd make a dating profile just so I could read those comments.
     
  14. iced espresso

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    Hey stevefs, I'm not good with words, but all I'm gonna say is... don't let that racist bastard bring you down! That's what he wants, so don't let him get to you.
     
  15. crazydog15

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    Just ignore him. Almost everyone has some kind of insecurity about their looks or general attractiveness. Just keep that in mind.
     
  16. BobObob

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    What a jerk. Just about anyone, regardless of their attractiveness, could probably feel unattractive if they're insecure enough to take what these types of people say too seriously.

    I'm guessing that treating people with your appearance like that is common in the culture of the "dating" sites you're using.
     
    #16 BobObob, Oct 21, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  17. Chi and Bashful

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    People that limit the amount of of potential partners by being racist is someone you wouldn't want to be involved with anyway
     
  18. SnowshoeGeek

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    WTF!?!?!? :eek::tantrum::bang:

    Wow, the world is just messed up. I cannot believe anyone would say that. Agree with the poster who noted that this is probably a feature of dating sites.

    My approach right now is, be your glorious self, don't worry about finding someone. But, I sure know how it feels to want someone.

    On behalf of the total jerk who said that, he's a total jerk. Blech.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  19. jonjon

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    I'm blown away by assholery like that. That dick weed can go suck a dead dog's nose.

    And just add me to the list, but I find asian men particularly handsome. And you good sir, are no exception. Anyone who says otherwise can fuck off.

    Good day to you.
     
  20. tulipinacup

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    It's annoying, really and I'm sorry that you had to deal with those assholes because I get you and though I've never personally experienced anyone insulted me that way, I've always had the fair share amount of being discriminated and make fun just for being Asian.

    Whenever I was younger, I've always been insecure of my looks and thought I would be better if I were white or was blonde or had blue eyes and relied on Westernised beauty but that changed me since it seems like it wasn't right of me to appreciate of what I have and it's not just something I "only" have but because I love the way I am. I began to truly love my brown skin, black hair, brown eyes and how short I am. Of course insecurity doesn't magically fade away but when I realise how I'm just as beautiful as others, I began to have this confidence in me.

    I wanted the blonde/brunette white guy to like me but this made me think that maybe I shouldn't also limit myself into liking on what the mainstream is into because there is more to that.

    I've met with other non Asians who fetishise my race, Asians who fetishise me for being Filipino and Filipinos who fetishise my Igorot culture. All of these things I thought that it's the only thing I can choose just so I can be liked or wanted but I knew how wrong it was because I truly deserve someone who will like me just for me and not just for the sake of being exploited for my race, for being Pinoy and for my culture.

    Like as what Kahlil Gibran would say "To belittle you have to be little" and that pretty much what defines that guy.

    You are obviously a good looking guy and I'm sure you'll find someone way better because you do deserve someone who respects you and likes you for you.