Resent Breakups: Are you hurting?

I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago, he cheated on me. I'm over it.

 

It was 6 months ago but we were together for almost 6 years. It still feels like it happened just yesterday. It's ok. We are still friends just like before. It feels like we are brothers now. He is now dating someone again and I am happy for him. His girlfriend seems nice. When I hear him talking about her I just feel happy for them.

I sometimes miss living with him. Mostly because he did most of the cleaning but also because we had tons of stupid inside jokes that only we understood. And I miss his dog. And our appartement. But there is more things I definitely don't miss. The breakup was a relief for both at the end. We were good flatmates and friends but we didn't work as spouses. It was just hard to decide on since we were such good friends still and we didn't want everything to end. Yeah, but I am glad that it went smooth when it happened. I helped him to move (damn, we carried his BIG washing machine to 3th floor. There was no elevator. And we were drunk) and he gave me his lava lamp.

The last drop was me being transgender actually. The only thing I still feel really bad about is how he was ashamed of me when I stopped my involuntary crossdressing. He wanted me to go out whenever his relatives came to visit. But I get how he felt although I don't approve his way to deal with it. Every time I start feeling any regret I just remind myself of that. He did actually give me some of his clothes and advice about manly stuff and novadays he is supportive but he didn't want to be associated with me anymore. He is a bit afraid of anything "gay". It's like instinct. His expression was very funny when he realized that in my point of view our relationship was always gay. He had the same exression when I told him about my crush to another transguy. And whenever he noticed girls looking at me in a certain way. Well, at least he is very willing to develop as an ally. He is quite smart after all.

Meh, whatever. I am going to get my third cat today. I'm catman.

 

Mine was also about six months ago, after 3 excruciatingly hard years.
We fought, physically as well as verbally, we abused drugs, him more than me, and he didn't accept the fact that I liked girls.
It drove him batshit jealous, thinking I was flirting and/or planning to run away with any female friend I was talking to.

I now doubt if he ever loved me, or if it was more of a co-dependency thing.

I have always had problems expressing my love for others, making them doubt if I love them as much as they love me, but the truth is that I DO love others, probably more than they love me, but I'm not able to love unconditionally, nor do I believe in truly unconditional love.

The breakup still hurts. It hurts to think about him and what he's become, it hurts to talk to him, and it hurts every time something reminds me of him. Mostly because it brings back good memories first, and then the bad ones come flushing in.

 

I'll always be the one who loves the most.

 

We never really became a thing, or even talked much, but it still damaged me a lot.
I had a 3-year crush on this one guy, lets call him S, some time ago. I had seen S as the perfect guy, and fell more in love with the idea of him than the real him. I told him how I felt about him right before he went off to college to study theater or something. We agreed to keep in touch and hang out in the summer but he never replied. For the longest time, I thought S hated me, so I felt like shit. Time passes by, and eventually I find out from a friend of his that he's a non-monogomous fuckboy that is like a Kermit crab- he has a new boyfriend for a few months and claims its all about "love" before dumping him for the next guy.
So, after hearing that and more, I was pretty shocked and crushed. That pretty much sent me through a downward spiral in which I questioned my morality and, with the peer pressure of other sexually active classmates, I ended up losing my virginity to some stranger. I honestly just hate S now. I think he ignored me so that he wouldnt dissapoint me about who he really was after I told him how I felt, but if he had told me instead of ignoring me, everything would have been different (for the most part). I still wouldve wanted to be friends with him even if he wasnt who I thought he was IF only he had talked to me instead of ignoring me. So in the end, he's at fault for ignoring me, and I'm at fault for initially idolizing the guy.
Together, those things did not do me good.
In fact, I'm sure that if it weren't for all this, I wouldn't give a rats ass whether people were non-monogamous, promiscuous, and whether people had good or bad morals.

 

I'm sure if you dig enough into my posts, you'll piece together the story, or hell, my wall is filled with retellings, so I'll skip those bits.

As for nowadays? Do I still miss him? Yea, I do, and it's understandable. I spent two years of my life with him and learned a lot and experienced a lot of new emotions and sensations, so he'll always be missed to me. I can't attest for him, but I'd like to think he has similar feelings.

In the end though, I can't help but feel better about him, he's changed a lot since I met him 2 years ago, and I feel as though I'm partly responsible for it. He's gotten more confident, and more assured in what he wants and how he feels about himself, and that's always been important to me.

Do I wish things could go back to the way they did? Yes and no. It's normal for me to want back the love and affection we shared, but, well, he put it best.. Just the mere fact that he wanted to leave, was evidence enough that this relationship wasn't going to work. And I don't want him to be in a situation he dislikes because of me.

If I had the opportunity to get back with him, I don't know if I would, we'd have to have that spark we had in the beginning again.

 

I'm not going to delve into my past with my ex, because the probability of me crying before I finish writing it all is very high and I don't really want that.

Anyway I did love her, and I know it was reciprocated a time or two (we were on and off). I can't say how much she felt for me, but I know that I most definitely loved her more than she did me. It was so obviously clear to me and I was so damn sure about her, but she had commitment issues and hurt me more times that I can count on one hand and that by far was the most painful thing that I've ever experienced.

I don't think I'll always be the one who loves more, at least I hope, it was just in this case.

 

What I hate/resent most about a break up is the friendship that is lost along with it.

I'm not currently hurting or anything so I won't go into detail about my last breakup, it would be a novel ha. I will say that I don't think I will always be the one who loves the most. The whole ''loving them more'' got my attention. I have been there. I will say that my last relationship taught me that you can change someone's mind, but you can't change their heart. It doesn't matter how hard you try. Believe me, I have been there and I have tried. Loving someone who doesn't love you the same, hurts. Holding on only makes it worse.