How much does personality affect attraction?

No. I would not.

Most experts on relationships advise against it. This question comes up a lot and they are ready to answer it. If the physical attraction and physical intimacy has to be sort of forced, that person is probably not a good relationship candidate for you. They can make good friends. However, if they are more interested in you than you are in them, they can be hurt by being friend zoned. I have been on both sides of this situation and I don't like it.

It's a tough situation.

 

I would say I agree with Tightrope. It may seem a tad bit shallow, but I know exactly what it's like to force intimacy. It's quite tiresome.

 

Hmm, well for me it just depends I guess. I try not to care about looks anymore and just focus on their personality instead. However, if they both have the looks and great personality too then that's a whole other story lol but for real to me it's all about personality. That's what matters the most and I just wish other people will see that too because to be honest I don't have looks of a super model and I just wish that sometimes guys will like me because of my personality and not just looks.

 

I'd look for a balance between the two, a 7 on personality and 6 on looks or vice versa would be good ofcourse 10 in both is ideal there are some guys I wasn't into when I saw them (physically) but over time when I got to know them the physical factor seemed to matter less

 

Maybe I'm a little different from most people...I'm curious to hear what Tightrope's experts would think of this.

You lay out an interesting scenario...*on sight*, they are 2/10. Then they start to speak and I find them 9/10 for personality. Now we can quibble with "not attractive at all" since that would be a 0/10. We can also hypothesize that I'm holding out for a 10/10 personality. But going with the spirit of your question, here's the deal.

By the end of the night (and I would not bail on the date if the personality was 9/10) I can almost guarantee that I no longer find their physical attractiveness only 2/10. Got that? I would lay even money that their physical attractiveness has gone above 5/10 by then. And if I give them a 2nd and 3rd date? Expose myself to more of their personality? I'll bet their physical attractiveness rises to at least 7-8/10.

So my bottom line is to say: no, if their physical attractiveness remains at 2/10 for whatever reason (or only rises from 0/10 to 2/10), then no, I would not form a relationship with the person...a close friendship, perhaps, but not a relationship with a physical component. I don't even consider that shallow. I don't eat foods I don't like (not that there are many of those); I don't listen to music I don't like; I don't form friendships with people whose personalities I don't like; and the gods know I'm not about to have a physical relationship with someone whom I don't like physically. I don't find any of those things shallow or unfortunate.

BUT I also don't believe there are people whom I cannot find physically attractive, given an attractive personality. Depth isn't about being able to sleep with someone who turns you off physically. It is in finding physical attraction in those who turn you on mentally/emotionally/spiritually.

 

There needs to be physical attraction, for me, in order for a relationship to be successful - and that is probably true for most people as well. It's not really fair on either person if that isn't the case. If I was dating a guy, and I told them I didn't find them physically attractive at all, their feelings would be hurt.

That doesn't mean they need to be drop-dead gorgeous - there are a lot of people that I find physically attractive, that most people wouldn't look twice at. I do believe there is someone for everyone.

 

For me personally, I couldn't see myself being with a person just because they have a great personality. They have to be aesthetically pleasing to me as well. But on the other hand though, looks aren't everything, so that's why the people I'm most deeply attracted to have a mixture of the two

 

Well, I wouldn't have sex with somebody who acts like a douche, for starters.

 

To some extent I agree with biAnnika, but I'm not quite as optimistic that someone would reach the dizzy heights of 7-8 out of 10, if the baseline was a 2.

Personality is very important though and it can work the other way. I have met guys who were very attractive at first glance, 9-10/10, but once they began to speak and show the ugliness of their character ended up as a 1 or 2.

 

What answer would you prefer? The feel-good one or the general one?

Everybody Wins​

Spoiler

biAnnika brings up a very valid point. You can find people that function like that. It's just a little harder, because, well, a lot of folks consider sexual attraction a high priority for an intimate relationship. Not very many want to leap into bed with everybody, immediately, all the time. They want to develop an attraction, and this is where personality can really tip the scales.

Supermodel good looks + Adolf Hitler temper = Hell No.

Good hygiene and care + Can take a joke = Hell Yeah.

Good looks are like the exterior of a car. Everybody is going to notice that, and it's what we'll probably see the most of. However, a car isn't worth much unless it has an engine -- in this case, personality.

I can personally say, if given the choice between the two. I would select personality 95% of the time. That other 5% of the time, it depends on the situation. But for a relationship, personality is definitely higher than just about everything. The only thing higher than personality, for me, is self-respect and self-love -- you've got to like yourself, at least.

That's life, kid...​

Spoiler

Some people are going to find you unappealing, and maybe their priorities don't match yours. Okay, whatever. Move on. Pouting can make you feel a little better, but it isn't going to solve your situation.

If you believe you are a Perfect 10 when it comes to personality, hell yeah, you rock that attitude. But some folks may not like somebody so vibrant, instead preferring someone a little more reserved like themselves -- that's life. Learn it, accept it, fuck it. Somebody will appreciate you for you, and it makes it more special when a connection does happen. In the meantime, focus on you. You're a Perfect 10 when it comes to personality, but why stop there? Be a Perfect 17, God damn it! LOL.

Always work on yourself, so that a good person can become a great person.

"That's adorable, Kaiser. A real team speech, there.
But what does this have to do with personality?"
I'm glad you asked!​

See, working on yourself is a trait. It tends to be supported by ones related to personality as well. It's something others can see, you can gauge, and affects your life. It's a win-win strategy. You improve, which makes you more appealing to others, and yourself. You'll build confidence if you didn't already have some, and even if you already have some, you'll be generating more -- you're a dude/chick magnet. People are drawn to success and interest, and it's up to you to use that opportunity to "sell" yourself.

But you have to be willing to take some risks, a few crash and burns, and learn the ropes. Not everybody likes being that vulnerable, and so not everybody can do this, so they're stuck with what they've got and are willing to do. Unfortunately, if you have nothing, good looks are still something, if you lack a personality.

The good news, though, is everybody's personality is desirable at certain times and during certain situations, you just have to find that. Most likely, you'll find somebody who'll become your honey bunny. If not, brush it off, you don't need somebody who won't take you further or higher.

^.~

If you want something cute:
Good looks may get you in the door, but personality will get you in my bed.

 

I think that their personality being so great would elevate my physical attraction to them.

 

Lol, are you referring to me?

Seriously though, I cant take a good picture to save my life; yet, i've been told I look better in person. :lol:

---------- Post added 28th Oct 2015 at 12:23 PM ----------

Hmm, for sure an attractive personality could definitely improve the way you look at someone, just as one with a terrible personality can really dampen the way you look at someone. I can agree with this to an extent. But, still, I do believe there is a ceiling to how much that invisible score increases just by personality alone.

 

I'm all about personality being more important than looks but I'd have to find someone at least somewhat attractive for it to work.

 

I probably wouldn't. I know it's a bit mean, but I don't think that I could be in a healthy relationship like that. That being said, I knda fantasize about my ideal partner a lot, and I can confidently say that I value personality more than physical attraction. I really do try not to be shallow, but I need at least some physical attraction to go with a good personality or I just can't do it.

 

My bf is definitely attractive but not necessarily the type I usually go for. But the more I got to know him, the more I grew attracted to him, because he's an incredibly sweet and fun guy with enough patience to deal with me and all my insanity. Sunday will be 18 months!!

 

Lol! Oh no. Oh gosh, that would suck.

 

For me it is a bit of both. Physical attraction is usually a factor, but personality is what I really search for, especially when it comes to morals and values. I find many things attractive (physically and personality wise). For example, the person I'm dating now doesn't have facial hair (I usually find facial hair SUPER attractive), but their personality is so god damn beautiful. :icon_redf

I don't think I'm the 10/10 Adonis in their eyes, but I dont think I'm 0/10 either. Connection means a lot to me.

I think many people (including me and my partner) have the nagging fears in their head about not being good enough, not being attractive/fit/curvy, etc. enough. Fighting those fears can be tough.