Ranting Thread.

Fuck rant threads.

 

Yay! I like ranting. *inhales*

I feel like no matter how hard I try to stay in control of things I'm too weak to counter the negative forces in my head and in my heart that try to take me over. I've struggled with this shit for what feels like an eternity and it feels like I can't maintain an upper hand for more than maybe a few days. I feel so disappointed in my own weakness. Most days I just lie in my bed, just spending my time, my little precious time I've been given in this world, by passing it, hurrying it along as fast as I can because I'm told things will get better for me in the future. I beat myself to the ground again and again. I feel like the darker side of me is just stronger than the better side. I'm a prisoner in my own body and in my own mind. I feel like I have nowhere to go. I know if I don't want to spend an eternity here I need to find some way out on my own. But I've been trying so long that it's hard to cling on to hope.

*exhales*
Sorry about that, lol. Venting complete, anyway.

 

Work sucks, people and customers suck, glad its Friday. end of rant.

 

I've having really high anxiety and it's annoying, especially when school work and friend/family/and personal relationships are involved. I'm so done.

end of rant

~curtain~

 

well, I do want to get something out of my system. ok, I hate life. I hate that people seem to think it's right to treat me like some sort of experiment, just because I'm different. ok I was born in the wrong body but that doesn't give them the right to treat me like I'm something they just stepped in

 

This is basically what I got told about the status in France (and other parts of the world in the shit storm that was yesterday): "So what."

So what? SO WHAT? This is all because, in my eyes, people took their eyes off the situation going on in Mizzou about the KKK and other racist assholes for just two seconds to acknowledge tragedies going on in other parts of the world--and now everyone is antiblack and racist for it. I wasn't aware that bringing awareness to shit outside our little bubble that was America was a bad thing. I didn't know it was flat out fucking racist to try to help in some small way that the affected people have a place to go to.

Now I'm just fucking pissed off that groups are saying Paris is "stealing the spotlight". That's so morbid and cruel, because it's like Paris asked to get the shit that they did. I'm in no way saying Mizzou doesn't deserve recognition. The situation there is terrible and I'm scared for the students who are there (I know I'd shit myself if I was in their shoes), but to make it a literal pissing contest about who has it harder is awful and it's lessening the horrors that each party faces. That's not fucking okay. So thanks to the people who pretty much told me that there's only one kind of awareness, and anything else is "hogging up" two seconds of attention for another cause. So I'm glad to know that injustice has a ranking system now and one horrific event has more value over another. And according to someone on Twitter, over 115,200 people have been killed in the last 24 hours--but you know, I'm glad to know their lives and the hell their nations have been through in this short amount of time is "so what".

See, it's shit like this why I don't like talking anywhere outside here--even having serious and engaging conversations offline, because it turns into black and white thinking where "I'm right and you're wrong--and your opinions are worthless and your 'white feelings' don't matter". I think I'm pretty much done with having serious talks with people offline now, because a simple talk turns into a goddamn debate and I'm made to feel like scum afterwards and that my voice doesn't matter at all....yet I get beatdown for not talking about the issues "they want to" round the clock because I've already internalized being told that my voice doesn't matter anyway, so why fucking bother.

Fuck, sorry this was so damn long. I'm just seriously heated and I wasn't able to sleep because of it.

 

Ive decided my relatives secretly hate me. I feel so emotionally separated from them.

 

I hate how my brothers don't clean up their hairs after they shave their beards! It gets them all over the bathroom countertop! When I start T, I am going to clean up my shavings dammit!

 

Kaiser's banned?! What on Earth happened?

 

No clue. I just noticed that yesterday.

 

Bowling was great overall, I gained my highest score ever, which was good. With that being said, there are strict rules in place for each and every one of us at my bowling leauge, and they're there for a purpose. One of these rules states that we are to be at the bowling ally around 10:30 am, because we start bowling at 11. Added to this rule, is a rule that athletes may show up at 11, but they will not be bowling that day, because it's hard to enter someone's name in during a game. For whatever reason today, our head coach allowed a player to enter a game at the beginning of our second game (we play three games), so he bowled a few frames... and then left. So not only did he waste everyone's time, he also got special treatment that the rest of us would've never gotten, which bothers me. It messed up our frames, it messed up our cycle and we had to stay longer than usual because of what he did.

Then, about 40 ish minutes ago, I went to the store to get some chapstick and an iTunes card. I wanted to get in and out as fast as I could, so that I could get home before it got cold and dark. My issue? The person working at the till. Normally, I don't have issues with trainees, but today was just not the day for patience. Being slow, I can handle. Asking people what most of their items where so he could DIAL IT ON THE KEY PAD is what drove me insane. He swiped my iTunes card, he swiped my chapstick, but just had to dial in almost every other product, as if there where no bar codes on them. So naturally, I stood in the queue for around 15-20 minutes.

 

Hoooooly fuck. That was one of the ugliest games I've ever had the misfortune of watching.

 

I'm in love with a straight friend. -_-
And he talks about straight sex all the time.
And I have'nt had a crush on any other guy like ever. And I stay in a homophobic place!
Aaaaargh.

End of rant.

 

When people disappear for days and then come into the group chat complaining that there are too many new messages and if someone could make a TL;DR version. How about you get over your FOMO and stfu? If you can't or don't want to be part of the conversation, you are free to leave. At the very least, don't attempt to stifle it because it's inconvenient to you—because god forbid you had to read for once.

 

tl;dr version?

 

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