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Having kids?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Ameryllis, Oct 31, 2015.

  1. Ameryllis

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    So, my mom is really huge into the idea of having "grand-children". She mentions it all the time, and is even saving little toys and such for possible grand-children. It's gotten to the point where I am actually really scared that because I'm a lesbian, I won't be able to fulfill this dream of hers and end up being a massive disappointment.

    I know adoption is a thing, same with sperm-doners, but those things are so EXPENSIVE! I would love to have kids when I'm older, and if it does somehow workout that I don't, I know my life will feel incomplete.

    Does anyone else worry that they will not be able to have kids due to their sexuality?
     
  2. Steve FS

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    I've had to think about that several times. I've always wanted kids. My relatives have always said that I had a natural talent for kids. I really felt like I would have been a good dad.

    It's... heartbreaking, really, to know that I won't have any children of my own. Yes, there are ways to get kids like through a surrogate, but the whole process is just too scientific and unnatural to me. Adoption is always a possibility, of course, but it's just not the same.

    So yes, I do think about not being able to have my own child. All the time.
     
    #2 Steve FS, Oct 31, 2015
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  3. edy

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    No, actually I think I'm very lucky to have the sexuality that I have. If I was a cisgender straight woman or a regular cis guy, maybe I would be so irresponsible that I would have babies without having enough money to raise them properly... like millions of "normal" folks do in my country. I feel blessed.

    And, at the end of the day, children should come whenever you are ready and responsible enough to take care of them for life. Your family's expectations shouldn't matter here, I mean we're talking about the lives of other human beings. Having babies only because your parents want you to could be irresponsible and shallow in my opinion.

    (not saying you are those things, don't get me wrong). Sorry, my english sucks
     
  4. Ameryllis

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    I'm fairly certain that I will end up adopting, mainly be because I feel I would just become depressed if I didn't have kids, but it is a little sad to know I won't be having any biological kids.
     
  5. Steve FS

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    That's definitely good. I don't know about me, haha. At this point in my life, I'm not ready to have children, but I'll have to see how I feel like once I am ready.
     
  6. Charon

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    Having kids is the worst idea.
     
  7. edy

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    Also, a person who cannot procreate the "normal way", I'm not really worried about that. I know a baby will come one way or another.
     
  8. CJliving

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    I'm adopting. I told my dad last year that no matter what I'm adopting once I'm stable (financially, etc.). I'm not out to my family but my gender/sexuality does play into why J want to adopt. It was a big deal for like an hour before I scolded my dad for it. (He really wants grandkids, and has about 10 step-grandkids already.)
     
  9. Fighter694

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    I think it's pretty good by design, I know adopting may not feel like having your own child , nor will surrogacy feel natural , but coming to think of it, with a population of 6 billion which is ever expanding, its good for people to step down and adopt instead of having their own kids, there are millions of orphans around the world!! And people who are very good parents and who really want kids make the best foster parents! In a way you are doing good to the world and society! You are giving a good life to some child who would have had a miserable one if not for you! I think even straight people should be encouraged to adopt!
     
  10. AlexanderDragon

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    I don't really worry about it, bearing children is said to be a miracle, but as a male stuck in this female body, I shouldn't be capable of becoming pregnant. I would however like to adopt, two boys.
     
    #10 AlexanderDragon, Oct 31, 2015
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  11. thepandaboss

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    Oh I don't worry about not being able to have kids...

    But that being said, there's no such thing as never. I'd just like to be ten years older before I even contemplate it. And I want to either adopt or hire a surrogate. And a surrogate because I think my kids would look good with my genes.
     
    #11 thepandaboss, Oct 31, 2015
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  12. Ameryllis

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    Adopting is awesome! :grin: My aunt wasn't able to have kids of her own, so I have two adopted cousins who I actually feel I have more in common with than most of my 'biological' cousins. They're definitely a contributing factor for what makes me so keen on adopting.
     
  13. AwesomGaytheist

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    I've sworn off kids of my own for a myriad of reasons, and that's one of the biggest reasons I'm glad to be gay? Fatherhood is just not for me, and it's far better to know that ahead of time than to figure it out the hard way.
     
  14. justin88

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    Same exact sentiment for me!
     
  15. WhereWeWere

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    I don't think it's so much my sexuality. I'm still made of female anatomy and could get pregnant by a cis-male partner. Of course, I do plan on getting some type of surgery within the next 4 - 10 years, probably not full-on bottom surgery, but have it so I am unable to have children. (Plus, I'd feel way too dysphoric if I was pregnant!)

    The vast majority of women in my family love talking about children. I've already warned my mother, grandmother, and three aunts (grandma and three aunts being on my dad's side) that I wasn't interested in having kids. Of course this could change, but for now, it's kind of ridiculous when you're pressuring a fourteen year old to have kids.
     
  16. Alder

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    I think my parents really want grandchildren honestly. Even before all the sexuality and gender stuff started to factor in, I was sort of on the fence in regards to having kids anyways, but I have been thinking about it and honestly there is a chance I'd want a child in the future. I also don't want to disappoint or hurt my parents since I believe they strongly want me to sort of continue the family bloodline; even though I know it's my choice what I decide to do or not do, I can't help feeling that way sometimes. But if I do end up having or adopting a child, I'm going to make sure that I want to first, and am totally committed to being a good parent. I think that is honestly the most important part.

    Of course, it gets fairly complicated if I factor my sexuality and my gender in. If I do end up with a cis-male guy, I can biologically get pregnant. I just really really don't want to. Honestly pregnancy- or rather my own pregnancy, not so much it in general- is one of the things I'm most put off by. Being bisexual, I might end up biologically being able to have kids with my partner, but a) there is also a good chance I might end up with someone whom that isn't possible with and b) my own issues body-wise, possibly in the future surgery wise, and just general not wanting to be pregnant might be an issue. There is also the option that if my partner is able to receive sperm we can go the sperm donor route, if they are happy to do that.

    I could also adopt, and that is really the shining option for me if I want children. I think it's a great thing to do and I'm totally open to it. Even if I had no issues getting pregnant and could healthily and happily have biological kids, I'd still probably look into adoption. I just don't know how my parents would feel about that. Then again, I might not even want children in the future. I'm still iffy and on the fence about it. But I've still got plenty of time and years to think on it.

    The thing is, there are many options through which you can have children, biologically or not. Sperm donors can work for sure. And like I said, adoption is a great alternative as well.
     
    #16 Alder, Nov 1, 2015
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  17. Ally Girl

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    I'm still unsure on children, I'm still dealing with being trans, however I still want my own children which is really only possible through "fathering" children which I sort of want do since I'll never get to be pregnant
     
  18. ThatBorussenGuy

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    Nope. I detest children and I have far too little patience and far too short a temper for that.

    That, and the whole "I am a transgender male and therefore the idea of sexing and having to carry a kid makes me want to puke" thing. But mainly because I hate kids.
     
  19. blueshadedsoul

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    I do like kids, but I'm not sure whether I want them or not, so I don't really worry. But I'd be pretty sad if the time came & I ended up deciding that I do want kids, either biological or adopted, & couldn't afford it.
    I don't think my parents particularly care for the idea of having grandchildren though, so that's not something that would influence my decision.
     
  20. DinelodiiGitli

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    At most I might adopt one day but I certainly don't want to actually have children.
    I have quite a few inheritable health problems and I'd hate to pass those on plus there's the issue of dysphoria and then lastly I think there are plenty of people as is, plenty of kids who needs homes without bringing more into the world.