I am new on EC and came across this site because of something that I typed in on Google. The subject that I looked up was "struggling with gender identity" and this website came up. I feel as though I am more confused now than ever. Geez, where do I begin? Ever since I was young, I've always felt...weird....for lack of a better word. I've never felt normal, or have always thought that something is wrong with me. I am a female, but sometimes can't help but wonder if I would be a better male. I am coming to terms with the fact, more so recently, that I am attracted to females more than males at this point in my life. I'm still attracted to males sexually/emotionally/mentally as well as females on all of the same levels. I am wanting more of those connections with females. Growing up, I have always felt as though I was one of the guys. Playing sports, having male cousins/siblings, being a tomboy, wearing boy clothes etc. I've tried being a "girly girl," but for the most part it doesn't feel comfortable. Like getting my nails done, carrying a purse, dressing like a girl/in girl clothes. I've been, I guess you could say, ignoring it or being in denial about it for a while now. I don't really have anyone that I feel as though I can talk to about it or would understand what I'm trying to say. Last night, a friend of my moms/her daughter and I got on the subject about being gay and the conversation transpired from there. Started out between me and the daughter, her mom caught on and said "You wanna be a boy? Go for it! Be you and whatever makes you happy." Also know, that I have considered hormone therapy and surgery. I would do the hormone therapy and top surgery but not bottom surgery. The only reason I wouldn't get bottom surgery is because it hasn't been perfected yet. My mom has told me more than once that when she was pregnant with me, she thought I was going to be a boy. Every time I've heard her say that I couldn't help but wonder if that's what I should have been. I had to get shots as a kid because I was growing too fast for my body which resulted in having a hormone deficiency. So, I already have more testosterone in my body than I should. I have a few problems that come with that. One, is that I don't know to what degree I feel that I was born in the wrong body. Two, I am still attracted to both genders (more towards female currently). Three, I don't have any idea how I would come out to my friends and family. While I don't think they would be surprised, I also don't know how accepting they would be. My family and friends mean everything to me, so I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them anymore. I'm sorry if I haven't been clear in explaining my current situation. As you can see I am all over the place about this. I guess I just want to hear your stories and how you knew. How you were sure. Your experiences. And possibly what you think that I should do about my own situation. Signed, Confused and scared:icon_sad:
Well, honestly can't say I can relate to most of this myself but plenty of people on here can. We can certainly all understand the confusion and pressure associated with being lgbt. Personally, I've long felt trapped and alone much like you are feeling. Coming to terms with these sorts of things is a difficult process that doesn't happen overnight. Finding this website is a good starting point though. It's a very supportive place where you can seek out advice from folks who know what you're dealing with, and I hope you get as much comfort from that sense of community as I have. Keep your head up and be who you wanna be. As generic as that sounds, sooner or later everybody needs to come to that conclusion.
Thank you so much! After reading some of the things on here and seeing how supportive everyone is, it does make me feel like I'm not alone anymore. Which is definitely a relief. Constantly feeling like you're a creep or that something is wrong with you is soo awful!
Lol story of my life. Where i grew up the gay community always seemed like the f*cking Underground Railroad or something. You know it's happenin but where and what the hell is it?! feel free to message me if you ever need somebody to bitch about life with! I've got plenty of material to work with. I'm sure other users who share more in common with ya would be happy to talk as well.
