last weekend my boyfriend spent the weekend at my house. my parents were out of town and his mother was fine with him coming over as long as she could talk to my mother. Me, not wanting my parents to know that he was coming over, decided to let my friend pretend to be my mother and talk to her. everything worked out and he was able to stay the weekend at my house, but I'm very worried that there will come a time when our mothers meet and it will be very bad when they do. are there any clever ways to clear this up without directly confronting either of our parents and being honest, or is it the only way?
The only "clever" way to clear it up would be more lies. Honesty is the best policy. Just own it and commit to not doing it again.
You should tell them (I prefer to say things directly, but I don't know if you'd want that). I think that keeping the lie to yourself and your boyfriend will be an unsustainable solution. There's always the possibility that they won't speak about it, but I think the feeling of keeping that secret and the guilt involved with it is not something you should be willing to have. Good luck.
I don't think it's the lie that is going to get you in the end. It's the betrayal of your mother's trust. Your mother trusted you to obey the rules and left you at home alone as a result. You broke that trust she had in you by inviting your boyfriend over while she wasn't there, against the rules she has presumably laid out for you, AND doing this by deceiving your boyfriends mother. Here is the thing. The only way to save face at this point is to admit what you've done and apologize for it. The last thing you want is for his mother or your mother to find out among themselves, because that makes you look even more untrustworthy. If you are going to be punished for what you've done, this will likely lighten that punishment. If they find out among themselves, it gets worse, because not only did you breach their trust, but you've sustained an ongoing lie--deceiving them both. ...and as with most things, it's not necessarily the crime that gets you, it's the cover up. I recommend that you talk this over with your boyfriend first, and let him know what you plan to do before doing it. This way if your mother calls his mother he isn't caught off-guard. It also gives him an opportunity to confess what happened on his end. When you violate someones trust in you like this, the only way to start to earn it back is to be honest and upfront. It doesn't necessarily make things better, but it does allow you to maintain some level of respect and integrity. It also shows that you really are responsible, even though you made a mistake in judgement. You're fourteen years old. People expect you to make mistakes in judgement. Being honest shows that you are mature enough to own it. EDIT TO ADD: I am assuming in my advice here that your parents are alright with you being gay, and are supportive of you. I am assuming that they've simply laid down the same type of rules they would have had were you straight, and wanted to invite your girlfriend over while they were out of town. If I am wrong in this assumption, my advice would change.
Ouch. Honestly, if I were in your situation, I'd just keep quiet forever and hope for the best. But that's the WhereWeWhere response. The mature response would be to own up to it... and then hope for the best.
His mother said she was joking about being suspicious apparently, but I still hate lying. I want to tell my mother the truth, but if I do it will not be now
Obviously, if your mother never finds out it won't come back to bite you. However, if she does find out that you lied, it will massively erode any trust she has placed in you. The only way to blunt that problem is by being honest now. Of course, being honest doesn't necessarily erase any problems that might arise in the short term, but it does show that you are mature enough to admit your mistakes and take responsibility for them. This places you in a more favorable position than you would otherwise be in if she finds out some other way. Naturally, the choice is yours. No one is forcing you to be honest, but those are the options that you have to weigh.
It may seem daunting just now and there may be some consequences in the short term (I'm going to assume both of you did some stuff, that you may want to keep a secret!) but in not too long you'll look back and laugh at it. Trust me on this, I should have a degree in bad things to do as a teenager, really rather stupid things, but hey! What's life without a little rule breaking and adventure?
I feel rather immature, but this gave me a good laugh. You're 14. Stuff happens. If they call you on it, just say that you had a lapse in judgment. No reason to make a federal case of it.
