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How did people react when you came out?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by FeatherWithWind, Nov 14, 2015.

  1. FeatherWithWind

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    I am a girl, and I recently came out as bi. The first person I told was my really close friend, because I knew that I could trust her. We were out at the mall just hanging out and talking. She completely accepted it, or seemed to, and it made me really happy. I got pretty excited. I could check out other girls while with her finally. Well all day we were checking out hot guys like we usually did together, but I was also pointing out girls I thought were attractive as well. While we were driving to a park, she told me that I was being just full on lesbian because all I was pointing out was girls. She didn't understand that I was just really happy I could have my thoughts I'd been having out in the open with somebody. I feel weird around her now, and I also feel guilty for doing so around her. I just thought I could be open. Has this or something similar happened to anyone else? Should I feel guilty? I want things to go back to normal but I feel kind of hurt. How did other people react when you came out?
     
  2. n3e

    n3e
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    I have only had positive coming out reactions, but I only am close with people that are generally accepting and just decent humans. I am careful with what I talk about depending on the audience. Someone being alright with me being gay doesn't mean that they want to hear about all of my sexual desires. All relationships (including friendships) involve compromise (friendship or other). I know that I feel like I have to hide a part of myself, because as someone who is attracted specifically to older men (like 40-60 year old men) I cannot expect my straight friends to feel comfortable if I point out all of the hot men I see when we are hanging out together. Yes, I feel like I am hiding an aspect of my personality, but it is a compromise that I am willing to make to maintain my straight friendships. They are good people, and they really wouldn't mind. There is a difference between empathy and sympathy, and on some level they will never understand my attraction to older men. I talk about my boyfriend with my best friend (straight) and my family (all straight) but that is because I have gotten them familiar with my feelings over an extended period of time. Change is hard for people, just try to put yourself in their shoes. It doesn't mean that they don't like you, and if after you give it some time, they don't come around to your personality, then you can make a decision about confronting them about it. I feel kind of hurt by basically everyone in my life, but I refuse to lose my connection with my family, and I refuse to lose all of my straight friends. Everything takes time. Stay strong. I have only been out for a few months, and I feel a lot better in general now, but there are still things that I am adjusting to and figuring out. Just keep going, stay flexible, and things will work out eventually.

    Congratulations on coming out!
     
  3. FeatherWithWind

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    Thank you. I appreciate your advice. It is helpful and I will try to put myself in her and others shoes. Thank you again.
     
  4. WhereWeWere

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    Well...

    Random Person From school: "Kay."
    Another random person from school: "Kay."
    Best Friend: "This doesn't change a thing! You're still my bro."
    Mom: insert pictures of a mixed-emotion middle aged woman who does not know what to feel
     
  5. Charon

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    "No shit." :lol:
     
  6. CyanChachki

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    It depends on who you're asking about, because I got a mix of reactions... but I'll go with the basics.

    Coming out as Bisexual:
    My dad and my sisters where 100% okay with it. My mom didn't talk to me for awhile, but she eventually came around. I had lost a few friends, but a few stuck around, because they didn't mind all that much.

    Coming out as Transgender:
    My sisters accepted it completely. My dad and I never officially sat down and talked about it. My mom was not okay with it at first, we even got into a huge argument. I eventually stood my ground and told her that it was going to happen whether she liked it or not and that it was her choice to walk out of my life or stay and she decided to stay. She's still a bit iffy about it, but ever since she's been watching "I Am Jazz", she's been coming to terms with what I'm doing. As for my family and friends, some are still on the fence about it, but I'm letting everyone choose for themselves, whether or not they want to stick around.

    Coming out as a drag queen:
    Again, my sisters are absolutely alright with it. My youngest sister has admitted to wanting to be a bio queen, which is pretty cool. My parents don't like it at all and have asked me multiple times if I'm confused with my transition (Which I'm not, I just enjoy doing drag). Everyone else is pretty alright with it.
     
  7. mychemromance99

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    Reactions-

    Best friend: It's okay!

    Friend: Tell me it's a joke.

    Friend: Hey no problemo. Hakuna Matata.

    Friend: Whaaaaaaat (this one went badly. He threatened to tell everyone, luckily he did'nt)

    Friend: Really? But you don't 'look' or 'act' gay.
    Me: -_-
     
  8. AJ56

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    My mom: I don't care. You're my son and I will always love you no matter what.
    My siblings: Pretty much the same reaction as my mom

    My closest friends: That will never change our friendship. They're all girls though, so they don't mind it when I talk about hot guys :lol:

    All in all, the amount of support I have received is just amazing. I have amazing friends and family. <3
     
    #8 AJ56, Nov 14, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2015
  9. RawringSnake

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  10. armydude

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    Told my best friend on the phone. He goes "I don't care", then changes the subject and we never talked about it again. Minutes later, he calls me back to tell me he just ran over a dog, which somehow jumped/fell out the truck in front of him leaving him no time to react. Absolutely bizarre freak accident. Is it relevant to this thread? No. But it's 100% true and it makes my story more entertaining.
     
    #10 armydude, Nov 14, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2015
  11. Daydreamer1

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    I don't remember ever getting a bad reaction or response to coming out. I'm limiting these to trans coming out stories, because I only really had two with my orientation--and they were all fine.

    1) This was one of the very first coming outs I had, which was my junior year of high school. He asked me during one of our classes if I was doing okay, since that year was really bad on me. I had the "do or die" realization the summer we were coming back, and I was barely able to function. During that feels like half the school year, I barely had any spoons to make it through the day and I usually dipped out after my lunch period in the middle of the day (sometime after noon, but before one). I went to his place and after two hours of trying to avoid a panic attack, I caved and told him. He had a "really, that's all?" kind of reaction. It's not to say he didn't care, but it wasn't as big of an issue I made it out to be, and he was surprised I was trying to hide it that bad from him since he's an open ally on LGBT issues. He said I was a brother to him, and I was glowing for the rest of the day.

    2) This may or may not have happened before #1. I was talking to someone who I knew through an ex friend because we're both moderators for his blogtv shows. We became pretty close and would be up all night talking to each other. Eventually one thing lead to another and I came out to him as trans, since he was doing activism work for his school and was in the media for it (he hates when I talk about it now, but I don't know if it's him being modest), and he simply said "you too?" in this really surprised, yet happy way. He was the very first trans person I got close to. We became more than friends, and eventually went out. Things happened and we split up, but got back together a few years later after rekindling an old flame...we're pushing two years into us being engaged, and things couldn't be better.

    3) Sometime after that year, I left the school for my well-being, since I was afraid of what would happened to me if I tried to stay in the closet another year. Fast forward to maybe 2013 and I had a fuck it moment and decided to change all my info on Facebook and went online for the day to wait for any responses. The next day, nothing happened, but I did get messages of support on tumblr from at least two people. One sticks with me the most, which came from someone I used to have French classes with. She applauded me for being brave for being open in a place where there's a lot of hate, and said if I ever needed someone to lean on, that she was there for me. We didn't talk much, so it felt great that even though I fell off the face of the earth, I wasn't as invisible as I made myself out to be.

    4) Towards the end of that year, or maybe it was last winter, I stumbled across a Youtube channel of someone I went to school with. I forgot I even subscribed to him, so I checked to see if he uploaded anything new. One video did catch my attention, and I clicked on it. It was a pretty personal video where he came out as gay. At first, I thought it was a joke video (as horrible as that is), but found out he wasn't bullshitting later after seeing his Facebook. I left a comment on his video saying how I'm surprised there's more people we went to school with who are queer identified and that I wasn't the only one, and that being in the closet was why I didn't return for my senior year. He commented back saying much the same, and contacted me via Facebook confirming if that was me or not. The part that will always stick with me is that during my junior year, I had a nightmare that he and three others murdered me after finding out I was trans.

    5) This one came out of nowhere. I started talking to a friend who I knew since I was practically a baby, because our moms were close friends since they were in their 20s. She was basically like a sister to me, even though we got really distant. We're both into body modification, and she'd ask me questions about safe materials and other things. I guess we started messaging each other on Facebook and then she kind of broke the ice and asked me if I had a sex change. Kind of rude, but I did tell her that while that's not something you should ask, I did say I was in transition. She gave me a similar message of support I've gotten from others, and also commented saying that I was so handsome; which was something I've only been told by my partner and I really missed getting compliments.
     
  12. Vesta

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    When I first told someone they said that it was ok and that <name> told them they were bisexual.

    When I told my mum she sat there for a moment, said ok, then proceeded to ask me loads of other questions like, 'Are you sure?' 'Are you sexually attracted to other girls?' and so on but was overall ok with it.

    When I told some other friends they were ok with it too.

    When I came out via Facebook, I got a huge amount of support.
     
  13. YermanTom

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    When I came out the reaction was total acceptance and big hugs!
    The only problem was with my brother's wife - she gave out to him for not telling her for six months, she was supportive of me!
     
  14. Immaunicorn

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    I've only come out to two people close to me.
    Best friend - "Um, wow, okay. That's cool."
    Mother - "Are you sure about this? Don't tell anyone else, because you're still young and it might just be a phase."
    *paraphrased*
     
  15. COPY

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    I came out to my friends kind of early, when I was in 6th grade.
    My best friend was super supportive, and that was that. Some of the other people I knew were really surprised, but I never faced discrimination from anyone.

    My mom is kind of... intolerant. But it's not to the point where living my life is hard or anything, because I haven't started dating anyone yet.
     
  16. Ryujin

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    “Really?”

    I heard that a fucking lot.
     
  17. AKTodd

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    Hm. Let's see here...

    Boss at work (who was gay and sort of my mentor for a while) - Congratulations!

    Mom - <pause> 'Oh'. (this would be a constant for a while - she apparently went through a period of thinking it was somehow her fault or something). Followed by expressions of concern that this could be hard life etc. To which I replied that anyone trying to make my life hard would be made to pay dearly. Plus I spent some months bringing up my sexuality every time I talked with her (Yeah, I'm kind of tired. I met this guy last night and just got home an hour ago. etc.).

    Best Friend - That's nice - so what else is going on with you?

    Friend - Well, maybe you'll change your mind later.

    Co-worker - But you can't be gay!!! You don't fit my stereotype!!! (watching his distress was hugely entertaining for a couple of weeks - the more so when he tried to get me to go to a strip club to 'fix' me, and I insisted that he had to go to a gay bar with me, first :lol:slight_smile:

    Different Friend - You know I'm not gay, right? Girls just won't talk to me.

    Roommate - Do you find me attractive? (I'm pretty sure he was bi-curious - he kept asking over and over and over and...).

    More entertaining than anything else.

    Todd
     
  18. galaxygia

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    Out to everyone
    All coming out experiences:

    Cousins: SO YOU WANNA BE A LESBIAN WHEN YOU GROW UP?

    Best friend: Okay. You're still the same old [insert my name here] that I've always known. *goes back to talking about random school stuff*

    Other friend: Don't you think you're a little young to know?
    Me: :tantrum:

    Pan friend: Soo... I'm kinda gay.
    Me: Wait what?
    Pan friend: I'm kinda gay.
    Me: OMG ME TOO I'M SO GAY
    *proceed to start screaming with happiness at each other*

    (This is at my friend's bat mitzvah and everyone was doing couples' dances)
    Other gay friend/person I've been in love with forever: A moment of silence for all the single gay people here. *looks at me and gauges response*
    Me: Yes. *high fives*

    Dad: Okay. You know you have lots of options for children.
    Me: Dad I'm thirteen.

    Mom: Okay. There's a youth group downtown and-
    Me: No thank you I'm good.

    Bigender friend: Hey so I've seen you draw highlighter rainbows on your wrists all the time are you like part of the LGBT people or what?
    Me: I'm a LESBIAN.
    Bigender friend: Kewl, does your mom know?
    Me: Yeah she's known for a week.
    Best friend: Wait WAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?

    Straight male "friend": So why do you hang out with [gay female friend that I've been in love with forever]? She's way more wired than I am.
    Me: Maybe I just relate to her more.
    Straight male "friend": What does that mean?
    Me: Okay, you're a straight male for one.
    Straight male "friend": And you are?
    Me: A homosexual female.
    Straight male "friend": Oh. I did not know that.
    Me: *nods and smirks*
     
    #18 galaxygia, Nov 16, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2015
  19. guitar

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    Aside from the odd slightly off-putting remark, it's been virtually 100% support. I've never faced any genuinely bad reactions or lost friends because of it. If I have, they drifted away because we had drifted apart a while ago. There was some concern or genuine confusion, but once I explained myself and told my story, people naturally wind up "on my side."

    Plus, when I came out on facebook was one of the greatest days of my life. And I wish I'd done it a lot sooner.
     
  20. Kodo

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    "So like, I'm uh... Transgender. And stuff."

    [​IMG]

    (My brother)