1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Should there be significant difference between top & bottom?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by TempUsername2, Nov 17, 2015.

  1. TempUsername2

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    littleton
    Gender:
    Male
    Many people may object this but top/bottom are more than sex position to me. I know a gay couple means both sides are men, but I always feel masculine top vs. feminine bottom is the most “natural” combination. By feminine I mean relatively less manly (both mentally and physically), not sissy or anything weird. And a gay couple family, I prefer to see the top as the provider and the bottom as the homemaker, and the bottom should take the top’s last name when they get married. I consider myself a very open-minded person, but when it comes to this topic I’m somehow very bigoted. Is it abnormal that I think this way?
     
  2. RawringSnake

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2015
    Messages:
    1,638
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Caribbean
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It is not abnormal, but it is bullshit.
     
  3. kageshiro

    kageshiro Guest

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2012
    Messages:
    655
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in your soul
    Basically, you believe gay couples should just be as stereotypical and conformist and boring as possible, yeah?
     
  4. Anthemic

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,890
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Alabama
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I see where you're coming from. My girlfriend and I somewhat follow this way. It suits how our personalities are and what we prefer.
     
  5. imnotreallysure

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Messages:
    2,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leeds, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's very silly. I'd hit you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper if I could.
     
  6. Steve FS

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2015
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Washington State
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I actually know a feminine top who likes masculine bottoms :slight_smile:
     
  7. hapa

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2015
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Devon.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    No you wouldn't.
     
  8. Bismuth

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2015
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hampton Roads, VA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    What you are describing sounds awfully similar to traditional gender roles of heterosexual couples.

    Who tops and bottoms doesn't have to reflect the role one plays in the household.
     
    #8 Bismuth, Nov 17, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2015
  9. Anthemic

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,890
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Alabama
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Now that is interesting. :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Anthemic, Nov 17, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2015
  10. imnotreallysure

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Messages:
    2,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leeds, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'd do it you as well.
     
  11. Aussie792

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2013
    Messages:
    3,317
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like you're trying to impose every aspect of a 1950s heterosexual relationship into your own. Everything about it is trying to make rigid male-female roles fit into a male-male relationship in a way that shouldn't even be present in male-female relationships.

    RawringSnake covered it quite pithily.
     
  12. DreamerBoy17

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2014
    Messages:
    240
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well said.
     
  13. Quem

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,288
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Netherlands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's not abnormal to think like that. In fact, I think quite some people think like you do.

    That doesn't mean it's not nonsense, though. As others have pointed out, couples are different and each of them have their own preferences.
     
  14. CJliving

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    1,036
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    God I wasn't even like that when I was 'straight'.
     
  15. Yosia

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,791
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Honestly, i think it's pretty stereotypical. Most same-sex couples I know are versatile, and then there's the occasional one or two couples who do have 'set roles' but they are not all masc/femme and all that bullshit.
     
  16. GayBoyBG

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2014
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Plovdiv, Bulgaria
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You're an individual, and normally you're allowed to think. Thinking about what you want from a relationship can't be labeled as abnormal or normal. You know the old saying that what's normal for the human is abnormal to the fly? It's basically the same thing when it comes to relationships and diffrent people.
    As you see below your post, a lot of people do not use the privilege of thinking and resort to an emotional based response that is neither constructive point, neither needed support/help. It's sad how people forget that this place is for support, and if you can't offer such - why bother saying something at all?
    I, personally, would never engage in a relationship where the other guy wants me to be feminine or masculine. I don't like playing either of those roles - they confuse me xD
    But I'm sure, that there's someone, or probably many, out there who share your views. A someone with whom you can live exactly the way you picture things.

    For believing that you're bigoted, I'll quote a guy, whose name I can't remember(and too lazy to check on the internet) - Bigotry may roughly be defined as the anger of men who have no opinions.

    P.S. On the funny side of things, you(excuse me for assuming, but) sound like someone who hasn't yet been in love or engaged in a relationship :wink: Sometimes such views can be destroyed instantly by true love =) When you expirience it, I doubt that last names or who provides in future will be of matter to you ~
     
  17. GayBoyBG

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2014
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Plovdiv, Bulgaria
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You're an individual, and normally you're allowed to think. Thinking about what you want from a relationship can't be labeled as abnormal or normal. You know the old saying that what's normal for the human is abnormal to the fly? It's basically the same thing when it comes to relationships and diffrent people.
    As you see below your post, a lot of people do not use the privilege of thinking and resort to an emotional based response that is neither constructive point, neither needed support/help. It's sad how people forget that this place is for support, and if you can't offer such - why bother saying something at all?
    I, personally, would never engage in a relationship where the other guy wants me to be feminine or masculine. I don't like playing either of those roles - they confuse me xD
    But I'm sure, that there's someone, or probably many, out there who share your views. A someone with whom you can live exactly the way you picture things.

    For believing that you're bigoted, I'll quote a guy, whose name I can't remember(and too lazy to check on the internet) - Bigotry may roughly be defined as the anger of men who have no opinions.

    P.S. On the funny side of things, you(excuse me for assuming, but) sound like someone who hasn't yet been in love or engaged in a relationship :wink: Sometimes such views can be destroyed instantly by true love =) When you expirience it, I doubt that last names or who provides in future will be of matter to you ~
     
  18. AlamoCity

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2012
    Messages:
    4,656
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lone Star State
    Totally unscientific and biased observation based on wedding photos:

    When it comes to lesbian weddings (based on all the pictures of weddings I've seen in the last couple of years) many of them have it where one (presumably the "butch") hates all things girly and dresses in a man's suit and the other (I guess the "lipstick lesbian") dresses in a gown.

    When it comes to male gay weddings, many use the traditional suit, but some guys "gay it up" (e.g., purple jacket with glittery ornaments); I'd presume he'd be the "bottom." The more "flowery" the dress, the more likely he's probably "submissive."
     
  19. rudysteiner

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2015
    Messages:
    684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    It's projecting the stereotypical heterosexual relationship onto homosexual relationships.

    I wouldn't say it's abnormal, as I think a lot of straight people think like that, but I think discussing the scenario on a forum for LGBT+ forum will give you an almost unanimous 'yes'.

    I'd say it depends on the individual personalities of the couple.
     
  20. LakanLunti

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Philippines
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I dont believe in this stereotype, anymore. I use to have this thinking before; feminine gay guys are "naturally" for masculine gay guys and the feminine gay guys are bottom and the masculine guys are top. But upon meeting people here on EC and reading some threads here, I gradually understand that my thinking is very wrong. It may work for some, but that doesnt mean it works for the others too. How about couples that are both versatile? Like Bismuth said, "Who tops and bottoms doesn't have to reflect the role one plays in the household."

    And it is not abnormal that you think this way. But it would be unwise (and quite disappointing from us) for you to still think that way upon reading our replies.

    PS: I admire your courage :slight_smile: