Hi guys I want your opinion. Basically my boyfriend and I were having a chat, and somehow we began talking about other people/who we're attracted to. He then said "Well some guys have better bodies" (about me). But that he's in love with me, blah blah blah. And he doesn't want to change me, it's only that I brought it up. We're both "ectomorphs" although I'd be the more built one. Naturally, I was a bit...shocked by his comment? Am I wrong to be annoyed? I just feel like dumping him. He says it doesn't matter, but I can't help but be annoyed at that comment. He says he never wants to loose me, has vomited at the thought. But IDK what to do? In fairness it was me who started the conversation, and did say I'd like to (finally) get round to working out... But then this brings me to the classic argument: Should I change who I am?
If your boyfriend cares about you and assures you of this, then so what? None of us are perfect and we each have things we could probably improve upon. The big thing is that whomever you are with loves you in spite of any perceived "flaws".
I suppose you're right. He did say it's my face that matters and he's fallen for me. Which I don't doubt. But it does make me feel slightly... insufficient when he made that comment.
Lol... I felt like you ripped a page off of my mental journal. My boyfriend has said the same thing. I have a "perfect" face and I have a great personality, but I'm basically "not sexy like how other people are sexy". He dated a cute male model for a little bit and when he told me about him and showed me a picture, you can bet that I felt highly insufficient. He kind of tried to fix it though by overcomplimenting me, but it didn't really help at the time. Felt kind of patronizing, actually, and I was getting a little bitter and emotional, lol. However, from this I've learned that this was a personal issue, not an issue with him. Me feeling insufficient was not his fault. He is obviously attracted to me and doesn't want to lose me, and has said so plenty of times before that he's so deeply in love with me, so me feeling the way that I am is because of issues I have with myself. It's a disgusting feeling, I know, and you feel like you want to strangle the person that initiated all these emotions, but really, the only way to deal with it is to take yourself back and really analyze yourself. I'm sure there are things about your boyfriend that you can criticize as well, but do you still love him for it? Of course. You can take the hottest person on this planet and you will STILL find something about them that another person is better at. There is no such thing as perfect. Good thing for you (and me), the one thing that's bothering us the most is something that we can definitely change - our bodies! We can work out if we're feeling unattractive about our physique, and you can bet your ass that we'll turn heads like any other hot dude out there. So don't lose hope, and don't fret. And, most importantly, don't ask your boyfriend to compare yourself to other people. It will only end up in hurt.
Lol... I felt like you ripped a page off of my mental journal. My boyfriend has said the same thing. I have a "perfect" face and I have a great personality, but I'm basically "not sexy like how other people are sexy". He dated a cute male model for a little bit and when he told me about him and showed me a picture, you can bet that I felt highly insufficient. He kind of tried to fix it though by overcomplimenting me, but it didn't really help at the time. Felt kind of patronizing, actually, and I was getting a little bitter and emotional, lol. He just made me feel ugly, and there was no amount of words he could say that night to change the fact. However, from this I've learned that this was a personal issue, not an issue with him. Me feeling insufficient was not his fault. He is obviously attracted to me and doesn't want to lose me, and has said so plenty of times before that he's so deeply in love with me, so me feeling the way that I am is because of issues I have with myself. It's a disgusting feeling, I know, and you feel like you want to strangle the person that initiated all these emotions, but really, the only way to deal with it is to take yourself back and really analyze yourself. I'm sure there are things about your boyfriend that you can criticize as well, but do you still love him for it? Of course. You can take the hottest person on this planet and you will STILL find something about them that another person is better at. There is no such thing as perfect. Good thing for you (and me), the one thing that's bothering us the most is something that we can definitely change - our bodies! We can work out if we're feeling unattractive about our physique, and you can bet your ass that we'll turn heads like any other hot dude out there. So don't lose hope, and don't fret. And, most importantly, don't ask your boyfriend to compare yourself to other people. It will only end up with you getting hurt, or him.
Discussing such things seems almost like the cliché image of the woman asking her partner if her jeans make her ass look fat. You can't win in such situations.
It's ok, we are not exactly a dying breed But back to the main point of the thread, I absolutely agree with everything stevefs said. I think the discomfort you are feeling comes from a place of insecurity with your body, an insecurity you probably didn't know you had until he brought your attention to it. That insecurity is normal, and like stevefs mentioned, luckily you can always work on your body until you feel more confident about it. That said, I don't think you could ever completely get pass this sense of inadequacy unless you accept (and I mean truly accept) the fact that we will always be insufficient in one way or another. Perfection is an illusion, it's ok to chase it and strive to be as close to our idea of it as we can, but not to the detriment of our self-esteems. I don't think anyone can like literally everything about another person, and that's ok. What's important is that what they do like about you they like so much that it outweighs whatever little flaws they see in you, and who knows, they may even grow to love you for those too. They may already do.
I can't even front, I would've been mad if somebody would've said that to me too; but you have to look beyond that and see the important part where he says he likes you for you. So you shouldn't break up with him over it. Believe me society is very superficial, so you should be happy that you have someone whose attraction for you is genuine. And if you made plans to workout to better yourself, then by all means do it. Don't let this be the cop-out or the purpose for you doing such.
Let me tell you something; you can be super attractive and IT NEVER ENDS! There is always someone generally considered more physically attractive. And like other posters probably said, people don't agree on what is most beautiful. Your boyfriend could've worded it better, but it doesn't change the fact that he his own ideas about beauty. Maybe you've found other guys more physically attractive than your boyfriend, but that doesn't mean you'd break up with him over it, does it? It's okay to read the menu if you stick to your meal. Everyone should develop their own look that makes them feel most confident. If you want to workout, then go for it! Just don't try to copy/emulate that other guy your boyfriend also finds attractive. I don't know about your boyfriend, but I prefer people that try to stay true to themselves. For example, little turns me off quicker than someone suddenly declaring a profound love for Extreme Metal when I can tell they're not really interested and just trying to win me over ^^;
The comment you boyfriend made was messed up. It doesn't matter if affected you because you have a personal issue with your body image--I find it problematic that your boyfriend thought it and said it in the first place. Firstly, if you have body image issues, your boyfriend should show you understanding and compassion while helping you through it. Secondly, yes, looking at things from a completely logical perspective will tell you that there'll always be someone more traditionally attractive than you (and me, and everyone else)--- however, your boyfriend should see you as the pinnacle of attractiveness. Every time I've been in love, I looked at them and saw beauty behind compare. They saw me in the same light. The woman I'm in love with now may not have a "perfect" hour glass shape/other curvy assets but I genuinely couldn't ask for anything more or imagine anything better. That's how love works for me, and I personally wouldn't wanr to be with anyone who didn't feel the same way. So yes, I think it's understandable you'd be annoyed at his comment! There's also nothing wrong with wanting to work out, but don't do it for anyone other than yourself, if you genuinely want to... not to gain the approval of your boyfriend or anyone else.
I definitely don't think it's something you should dump him over. If it bothers you, then maybe consider having another chat with him, just to see where his head's at. Honestly though, I wouldn't worry about it too much. He says he loves you and that he doesn't want you to change so maybe it was just a misunderstanding.
