Flirting with strangers >_>

My tactic is to just be the "too friendly" person. For example, when I want to flirt, I do this- "Hey, I know this is weird, but I feel inclined to know more about you. I know it's silly to ask a complete stranger, but do you want to talk sometime?" And then I flash my friendliest smile. Then again, I guess not everyone has the "automatically innocent" look about them, so it might not work for everyone... ^_^ Also, I do this with people I'm not even flirting with... No wonder my friends assume I am flirting with everybody. X_X I don't know what to tell you man- if this works for you, great, but this is a really tough situation here.

 

Mmm, ok. Before I go into your particular situation with this server or cashier, there's a very erroneous misconception at the very start of your post that I would be remiss not to address.

Wrong.

Having conversations with strangers is something we do every day. When you see him, you are both existing in the same space at the same time, that alone gives you a myriad of things you both have in common right a that very moment, as well as tons of potential ice-breakers; the reason for you both being there, what he is wearing, the way he looks, time of the year/month/week, the very place you are in, even the weather (as cliché as it is); all of those are things you can comment on and use to make conversation in a way that doesn't feel out of place. Really, starting a conversation with a stranger is as easy as tapping them on the shoulder and mentioning the sky is blue; congrats, you have successfully started a convo. It's maintaining said conversation until the time is right to ask them out that is hard.

With that out of the way, I have to make you aware of the potential minefield you would be walking on if you so decide to flirt with your crush. You see, your situation is more complicated than just talking to a stranger, because in the case of a stranger they have a choice. Someone you hit up on the street can walk out on you at any time, he can't. He is contractually obligated to stay where he is and service you to the best of his ability, whether he likes it or not. There is a power imbalance at play here; His job is to please you, and because of those implications, if you do not tread carefully, hitting on him while he is on the clock could unintentionally turn into cornering him. No one likes to feel cornered.

You mention that the fact that he doesn't stare back at you makes you feel insecure about your chances with him. Don't. You are there in your free time because you want to, he is there making a living. Don't take it personal. It doesn't mean that he couldn't be into you, he just has more pressing concerns than swooning over his customers. And that there is the key. This romance isn't gonna blossom in his workplace, if you wanna have a shot at winning him over you both have to be on equal footing. Which is to say, you need to meet him somewhere else, you need to ask him out. There is no room for flirting or chatting him up in between customers, you gotta be succinct, you gotta be direct, and you gotta be unobtrusive. What do I mean by unobtrusive? You make your offer and you leave. That's it. Whether he takes you up on it or not you leave it entirely up to him, without demanding an answer right there and then. In fact, don't expect a direct answer. If he passes on your offer it's gonna be obvious and that's that. Don't put him on the spot in front of other customers and his co-workers, because that could mean all sorts of trouble for him. Be cool and hands-off (metaphorically, but literally too I guess).

My recommendation? Just leave your number. You wait or go at a time when the cafe is light on customers, avoid if you can having more than one or two people behind you, briefly introduce yourself when you pay (point out that you are a regular), mention your interest in getting to know him, leave your number with your name (write it beforehand), and lastly, reassure him in your words that it's ok if you don't hear from him and that it will not affect your "business relationship." That last part is something I wanted to touch upon too, if you go through with this and he rejects your advances (explicitly or otherwise) you gotta be able to take it gracefully. Do not hound him for an answer, do not make it awkward when you visit the cafe; until he decides to reach out, you resume your regular customer behavior as if nothing had happened, and if he doesn't reach out at all, well, nothing happened. Take it like a champ and get over him.

I say take the risk. Go on, if you are considerate of his position when you ask him out, it's worth a shot. Unless you really like that cafe and you don't think you could keep coming if he rejected you, there is little to lose. At the very least it could serve as practice into how to approach strangers. C'mon! Put yourself out there!

Whatever you do, good luck.

 

RawringSnake, please please PLEASE become either a politician or the editor of a cheesy gossip magazine. You'd be saving lives regardless. :eusa_clap

 

Cheesy gossip magazine for me pleeeeaaaase! :icon_mrgr

I have my moments (when I actually fucking try).

 

Honestly, I agree with RawringSnake on everything, though I see why the number thing seems like the end of the world- I'm personally not too shy, but I've been in a few situations where my confidence was swallowed by my fear of failure. Still, worry not! If you can just swallow your shyness enough to get those words out, it'll help a lot! Please, don't spend your life in fear- honestly this isn't even about the guy now for me, but for you to earn some confidence! ^_^ Still, if things worked out with a guy that would be a bonus right? Figure out how to say whatever you need to say without making it sound... not like you. Be as polite or as quiet as you need to, but remember that when talking to a stranger, first impressions count. I strongly suggest you give this guy your number if you think you have the smallest shot with him, even as a friend. After all, not everyone you find attractive will become your lover, and you always need new friends in this world. Go for it, and while you're doing that, make sure you work on that confidence!

 

(This a lil too late? Hope not)

Well, I think the biggest hurdle is that he's working at a cafe-not that you're strangers. The fact that you two are meeting each other so often already shows that you guys were meant to cross paths, like it or not. There are a billion factors to consider, but the fact that you guys can meet often enough is already a miracle in itself. Besides that. He works in a cafe, it's busy, and he might not have the time to really look at you properly.

I suggest you try to find a time when it's not too crowded to approach him. Not sure about the type of cafe he works in (skimmed over cuz my eyes are killing me), but I'm sure there are times when the cafe isn't that busy. And if possible, try to catch him when he's not at the counter. It makes it easier for conversation, especially since there isn't an angry Q on your back grumbling for their stuff.

So, now that you've managed to get his attention, let the flirting commence! I'm not very good in face-to-face flirting, but I'll try. Flash him a smile-not the thanks-for-taking-my-order polite smile, but a friendly, hi-nice-to-meet-you genuine smile. I suppose the norm is to brush your hand against his for a split second, but if you're bold enough, if you manage to catch him at the counter and you're ordering, try slipping a note with your name and number on it? I think it'll wield some pretty interesting results. If you do, don't fold it too much so he'll overlook it, but place it somewhere where he will see it-on top of all the bills, maybe. And if he does look up-flash him a smile. And try not to look so awkward.

If he does reply, congratz! Slowly get to know each other and stuff and maybe you'll become friends-and more! If not, after trying to not kill yourself over the awkwardness, know that it could be a lot worse. A whole lot worse.

 

Um, you have to start somewhere. And once he has your number, if he reaches out to you, you will talk, so you can tell him that you aren't just looking for a hookup. Not like there's anything wrong with that, but whateveeer.

 

When he hands you your coffee, instead of the usual thank you, try "thanks gorgeous" or similar...see if there is a reaction?

 

"Thanks gorgeous" sounds a bit like a pick-up line... I'd just try the number and "I've noticed you, and want to learn more about you. I know it sounds weird, but do you want to talk sometime?" That is the smoothest thing I can think of for you to say, though in your own words ofc. If you're not acting like you, what's the point of it anyway? I expect a report out of you by tomorrow MR! (!)

 

This.

Consider yourself in flirting boot camp as of now.

 

You may not read this in time, but good luck! If he is there, and you're too shy to give your number, as some others said, try complementing his outfit or something. Or compliment it in such a way you'll have a conversation. Such as find something in common, or maybe even say something along the lines of "I've seen you around pretty often?" And strike up some small conversation. Anything will be a big step! Good luck~

And please, report XD :eusa_danc :eusa_danc

 

Omg, I'm so excited to hear how it turns out! Good luck!! (*hug*)

 

I'm a shameless flirt. I love to flirt. I even flirt with people I have no interest in.

Talk about stuff. Anything. Then try to get the person drunk outside of work. Then try to remove clothing.