Do You Allow Yourself to Cry/Be "Weak"? (Masculinity discussion)

Since coming out, I really don't care how I come across, but I used to put a really strong "masculine" front. While I still try and tough it out, I'm not afraid to cry when the mood strikes me. The Fault in Our Stars destroyed me and I wept like a baby (granted I was dealing with a friend's suicide at the time and the movie hit me twice as hard), but if I'm legitimately very sad, I don't have any qualms about showing it.

 

I really don't care about masculinity, but I do care if someone finds me weak or incapable. I am perfectly capable of doing things myself, and I don't need someone to think I'm cute or weak. It's just very insulting to me. I have a friend that treats me like I don't know how to take care of myself. It's annoying!

Before I came out, I did have this negative knee-jerk reaction when someone called me a girl because I couldn't do something right, but nowadays I don't really care. I think it's immature when guys refuse to show their feminine side or their emotions.

It takes strength to show weakness and vulnerability.

 

I rarely ever cry, though I don't think it has anything to do with masculinity. When I was younger I cried almost everytime I got hurt, but now I don't. I don't think I've cryed about any human's death, though I have cried watching my cat die, same with one of my fish. The only time I've cried in this year, was when I accidently let go of my emotins and hatred while alone and lost my s**t while thinking about why I hate different people.

 

Well, in the situation of the OP, at first it could have been more a thing of "appearing" older (at the time) and being seen as more mature and strong for their age. Many kids want to seem "mature" and crying is seen as a sign of immaturity in younger children (sometimes).

As for the fragility of masculinity, I think there is a lot of truth to it. Plus, it's harder for men to get as "emotional" as women. Testosterone and social factors come into play, I think.

The last time I cried was last year when my grandma died. It was hard carrying her dead body wrapped in sheets from her bed to the gurney from the funeral home (after the doctor certified her death).

For many men/males, navigating masculinity is a difficult endeavor. It's complicated when one doesn't fit the particular mold their particular society has for what is considered the proper behavior of a man. It is especially difficult for transmen because they were raised and socialized as females and at a certain point that doesn't fit their gender identity and must navigate moving away from what society expects of women and into what it expects of men (because, many traits can be considered "acquired"). Plus, many will go into "overcompensation" mode until they get their groove; guides for transmen will try to "teach" transmen how to be a "man," until people realize that everyone marches to their own tune and a man isn't one who simply "spreads his legs on a seat instead of crossing his legs." That is why I've heard that transmen go through a second puberty when they transition (the first one when they reach sexual maturity and the second one when they transition to their correct gender and "awkwardly" navigate entering manhood).

 

I've kinda given up on the not-crying thing. I cry really easily, always have, and even though I hate it, I guess I've gotten used to it. But the other things, the trying to be strong, physically and emotionally, definitely I do. I've always gotten really offended when people implied that I couldn't lift something or were worried about me hurting myself. I will always laugh off pain. The emotional pain is easy, I'm pretty cold-hearted.

In terms of 'preserving masculinity' and that. I definitely think it's a social construct. The same way girls are taught to be pretty, men are taught to be strong. It's just as damaging too. Being trans, I kinda feel both sides. Like I said I've always tried to be strong, but I also always want to be cute. It's one of the things I worry about the most in regards to transitioning.

 

Of course I allow myself to cry. I think of it as purging weakness. I used to hold back on expressing my emotions and I ended up feeling worse. It was like being in some void and not really existing.

I think toughness is a useful trait in almost everyone, no matter what their gender is. If you push yourself too hard, it can be counterproductive. Moderation is the key. Maybe it would help to imagine what you'd say to a friend that was behaving the same way as you did. I doubt you'd just tell your friend to "toughen up"!

 

Guys can, and must allow themselves to cry and show emotion. I'm giving you all permission.

The idea that crying is a sign of a weakness in a man is total and utter bullshit. Get some guys to cry and you will unleash all of their strength - that's a fact. Men need to let go of their emotion and crying is sometimes the best way to do it. Beware of a man who never shows emotion and refuses help, because it's very likely he's storing up a whole load of 'stuff' and that can be quite dangerous (to him as much as anyone else).

 

It's not that I don't allow myself to cry.. more that I can't. I can get teary eyed, but actually crying just doesn't seem to happen no matter how upset I am. I'm more likely to get angry than cry anyway.

 

Same here, I can't cry at all.

 

Not sure if this is masculinity based, but more of a need to feel like I'm the strong one in the family and set an example for my siblings, but I never allow myself to cry in front of them. Showing emotion for me is hard. Last night was an example of that, we'd been told that we had to give the cats away on Monday before my mom gets kicked out of the house. Everyone was crying, including my mom. I stormed outside by myself and cried alone. I hate people seeing me cry. Then I feel guilty expressing my emotions. I feel like a burden on other people when I open up to them or vent, even though I go out of my way to support the people in my life. My friends have never seen me cry. I usually appear pissy or angry instead of letting out emotion.
And while I bawled yesterday because of cats, at my grandpa's funeral last winter, I don't think I ever cried. I sort of was relieved, because he was going through so much pain. I'd known for weeks that he was going to die, and I'd managed to mentally steel myself to the tears. While the death of my grandpa is still a raw wound on most of my family, I am completely over it. It honestly doesn't make me sad anymore. The thought of his suffering ending was enough for me.

I don't think this is a masculinity thing, just more of me wanting to appear strong.

 

Rationally thinking, crying is no sign of weakness at all for me. I do feel embarassed though, if I ever let people see me cry. Either way, it's rare for me to be in this state, even when I'm alone.

 

I try to be masculine enough but I am a very emotional person for a male and I always try to not cry but whenever I get upset enough I get sore from holding it in and I just cry but I think my masculinity is still pretty preserved because barely no-one sees me cry but if they did I wouldn't care and I would just say to myself who cares, being a man doesn't mean you have to be strong, being strong means you are able to show people who you are without trying to mask them all.

 

I am curious how trans guys feel about crying actually. Society tells us that real men don't cry, that it's somehow a rather girly thing to do/only women cry. Personally, I think it's all a load of crap, but that's what society says.

I know trans guys put a lot of effort into passing and I wonder if they feel a need to suppress their emotions in order to pass? Does the societal standard about "real men" not crying have an impact? If the tears do start to flow, how do trans guys feel about that?

 

I am a very emotional male and it does not bother me. It's so cliched the masculinity thing in my opinion

 

Not if I can help it. Only on very rare occasions, and not usually from sadness but from utter rage.

 

i am the complete opposite of masculine. i'm not strong, athletic, brave or anything associated with masculinity.

same here. it's not that have no emotions, it's that i'm very good at hiding them.

 

I allow myself to cry because I don't see anything wrong with crying. Everybody cries, men and women, boys and girls.

 

I'm a woman and don't cry very often. It's a family trait.

I really like men who can cry. I have more respect for them than for macho men.
A man who allows himself to be vulnerable by showing his sadness and pain is attractive to me.

Btw gay men seem every bit as masculine to me as hetero men. There were two gay brothers on Amazing Race Canada who cried rivers of tears, but they were tough as nails. I just loved them!