This is just a phase right... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

starfish · 25th Jan 2009, 01:53 PM

Just some background. In the past I have been the anti social loaner type. I would come home from work on Friday and not talk to another soul until I went back on Monday. I hated going out and being around others. I led a solitary life and I liked it that way.

Since I came out that has changed. I don't want to be alone. I want to be places where there are other people. Pretty much the only time I am at home is where I am asleep. I've been spending a lot of time with friends. Here it is Sunday and I need to do some stuff around the house but being here by myself is just driving me batty.

I think I am going go down to a coffee shop and do some work stuff. Maybe that way I can get something done, but still be around others.

So my question is did anyone else notice this in them self after coming out, and did it eventually settle down. I'm glad I am getting out, but this is getting annoying I've got stuff to do.

1974 · 25th Jan 2009, 01:55 PM

Definitely recognise that sunday afternoons is the worst cos everyone else is out doin stuff.

I'm sure it gets better though.

Brandford · 25th Jan 2009, 01:59 PM

I know that feeling, I HATE being alone, I used to love it and now its just horrible, so the weekends are torture, and you don't even wanna know about summer vacation

Jeimuzu · 25th Jan 2009, 02:07 PM

I'm the same. Apparently I have extroverted energy, and I've found myself to be more energised and active now I'm out, and now I'm out I'm finding more things I want to do.

Mirko · 25th Jan 2009, 02:08 PM

Hi there! Reading your post, I saw myself in the mirror. Honestly! Ever since I came out, I have a lot more fun being with my friends and doing things. Like you, I wasn't very social before I came out. I guess I was always afraid of saying something about me that would give me away.

You are trying to enjoy something that you haven't allowed yourself to enjoy before. You have learned that hey there is a completely different side to you. A side that you didn't know about. But with time you will be able to balance your social life and work (or the things you need to do) again.

Sometimes it is still hard for me to sit down and start doing things because I still think about how much fun I had spending time with my friends. What has helped me, is to say to myself, okay I want to enjoy the evening with my friends. But before that I have to sit down and do stuff. So, I work at things for an hour or so, take a break, and then continue working on it. Does it always work? No it doesn't, but it is a start.

So, if you think that going to a coffee shop will help you to get some work done, go and do that! Try staying there until you have completed some work.

singtoh1 · 25th Jan 2009, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Just some background. In the past I have been the anti social loaner type. I would come home from work on Friday and not talk to another soul until I went back on Monday. I hated going out and being around others. I led a solitary life and I liked it that way.

Since I came out that has changed. I don't want to be alone. I want to be places where there are other people.

Yea I'm like that to but it was years later until I started wanting to get out. Now the urge is unreal. Unfortunately my partner isn't so I have to socialize myself other ways which sucks.

**EM68** · 25th Jan 2009, 03:43 PM

I hate being alone on the weekends. During the week I am at work with coworkers and clients. Then during the weekend I go out with the guy I'm dating or seeing family. But there are times that I am alone with my thoughts. That's why I am going to join a couple of LGBT groups.

Mickey · 25th Jan 2009, 03:50 PM

Wow,I'm the exact opposite! When I was younger,you could'nt keep me home!
Now,going to the grocery store is my big out!
I have many health problems and I know this is a big reason,but
I hate when I know I have to leave my house.
Sometimes I wish things were different,but I'm pretty okay with the
way things are,now. (Thank God for you guys and EC!)

JustBecause · 25th Jan 2009, 03:59 PM

I'm not sure, exactly, but I understand. I went through this when I was in my early 20's - around the time I started kissing the girl I was crashing with for a few months. I always wanted to be out and hated coming home from waiting tables and just watching a movie and going to sleep. Actually, I couldn't stand it to the point I was suicidal if I had to be alone. I didn't want to be alone, ever... so if that's related to sexuality or just a need to feel accepted, I'm not sure, but I doubt they are mutually exclusive.

You and I are both in Texas and I've found this is a hard place to have an alternative lifestyle... if you would like to talk, feel free to IM me.

JB

sdc91 · 25th Jan 2009, 04:21 PM

I don't think it's a phase, but I guess you could try to just enjoy every single no matter where you are or who you're with. Sounds like your personality changed a bit.

As far as Texas... I'm getting outta here ASAP! lol
Austin's not too bad, though. DFW kinda sucks (I'm in the metroplex, too).

revolutionrock · 25th Jan 2009, 04:25 PM

I'm really feeling the same way right now. Although I have not officially come out, I am associating with more open-minded friends now, and I think that is enough. Not any of that "that's gay" nonsense.

I also feel the being alone craziness... not so fun.

starfish · 25th Jan 2009, 05:14 PM

I moved from DFW to Austin about 7 months ago. There is no way I could have come out up there. Austin is great though. The areas outside of Austin aren't quite as progressive though. My only complaint about Austin is that the gay community is really not organized, and I think that is because folks in Austin just don't care. I've seen guys walking down the street holding hands and no one says a thing. I'm living in Round Rock now, but I think I am going to move into Austin proper when my lease is up. Seems like I spend all of time there.

Keiss · 25th Jan 2009, 06:21 PM

I think Austin is fairly liberal. It definitely suited my lifestyle. You just have to find the right people to know, and places to go. I live in Round Rock, it isn't as conservative as it may seem. However, that is mainly due to the very liberal teen uprising there.

Though never have experienced it myself, I have heard Dallas has a great gay community. Of course, this is coming from my manager at work. (Who is a giant queen, but I <3 him) He's told me Dallas offers a lot of clubs, bars, and events. Who knows?

gaius · 25th Jan 2009, 06:25 PM

i've always been an extrovert but after coming out i seem to be evenmore so, i never get any work done anyway so its all good!

Markio · 25th Jan 2009, 09:22 PM

Oh my gosh, I hope I become more outgoing! I came out a few months ago, and it still seems that, aside from a few new friends (ALL upperclassmen) I haven't gone out and met anyone else. I don't want to be like my roommates who stay in the room all day and have horrible senses of humor!

Ionless · 25th Jan 2009, 10:21 PM

Sounds like what I need, but I'm not ready yet ...

musican · 25th Jan 2009, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orangehat

Sounds like what I need, but I'm not ready yet ...

Me too, I'm so introverted and I hardly talk to anyone. I hope that changes after I come out because I don't like being alone all the time, but it's going to be a while before I come out to more people than I'm out to now.

Jerr · 25th Jan 2009, 10:44 PM

OMG I'm going to Austin like next weekend! How exciting I'll be within like an hour driving distance of an ec member! How weird!

Ok... no more simple minded excitedness...

I think I might have done this a bit but I never was a loner but I wanted to be around my friends because I was afraid of losing them....

25th Jan 2009, 01:53 PM	#1
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 31 Posts: 2,108 Join Date: Nov 2008	This is just a phase right... Just some background. In the past I have been the anti social loaner type. I would come home from work on Friday and not talk to another soul until I went back on Monday. I hated going out and being around others. I led a solitary life and I liked it that way. Since I came out that has changed. I don't want to be alone. I want to be places where there are other people. Pretty much the only time I am at home is where I am asleep. I've been spending a lot of time with friends. Here it is Sunday and I need to do some stuff around the house but being here by myself is just driving me batty. I think I am going go down to a coffee shop and do some work stuff. Maybe that way I can get something done, but still be around others. So my question is did anyone else notice this in them self after coming out, and did it eventually settle down. I'm glad I am getting out, but this is getting annoying I've got stuff to do. __________________ All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. --Thomas J. Watson

25th Jan 2009, 01:55 PM	#2
1974 Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: My family were fab even my ex wife how weird Location: Wiltshire, UK Age: 38 Posts: 158 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... Definitely recognise that sunday afternoons is the worst cos everyone else is out doin stuff. I'm sure it gets better though. __________________ You can call me John thats my name.

25th Jan 2009, 01:59 PM	#3
Brandford Friendly Misanthrope Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: everyone that asks,my mom (i think) and my sister Location: Woodbridge, VA Age: 19 Posts: 6,656 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... I know that feeling, I HATE being alone, I used to love it and now its just horrible, so the weekends are torture, and you don't even wanna know about summer vacation __________________ "I find nothing more depressing than optimism." --Paul Fussell

25th Jan 2009, 02:07 PM	#4
Jeimuzu Wreck Cognition Full Member Gender: Heterogametic Orientation: Rawr. Out Status: 99% out. Location: Middlesbrough Age: 23 Posts: 1,744 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: This is just a phase right... I'm the same. Apparently I have extroverted energy, and I've found myself to be more energised and active now I'm out, and now I'm out I'm finding more things I want to do. __________________

25th Jan 2009, 02:08 PM	#5
Mirko Molitva Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about Location: British Columbia, Canada Age: 35 Posts: 10,052 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... Hi there! Reading your post, I saw myself in the mirror. Honestly! Ever since I came out, I have a lot more fun being with my friends and doing things. Like you, I wasn't very social before I came out. I guess I was always afraid of saying something about me that would give me away. You are trying to enjoy something that you haven't allowed yourself to enjoy before. You have learned that hey there is a completely different side to you. A side that you didn't know about. But with time you will be able to balance your social life and work (or the things you need to do) again. Sometimes it is still hard for me to sit down and start doing things because I still think about how much fun I had spending time with my friends. What has helped me, is to say to myself, okay I want to enjoy the evening with my friends. But before that I have to sit down and do stuff. So, I work at things for an hour or so, take a break, and then continue working on it. Does it always work? No it doesn't, but it is a start. So, if you think that going to a coffee shop will help you to get some work done, go and do that! Try staying there until you have completed some work. __________________ ~ Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are ~

25th Jan 2009, 03:43 PM	#7
EM68 Happily Married! :) EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about. Location: Stoughton, Massachusetts USA Age: 43 Posts: 4,288 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... I hate being alone on the weekends. During the week I am at work with coworkers and clients. Then during the weekend I go out with the guy I'm dating or seeing family. But there are times that I am alone with my thoughts. That's why I am going to join a couple of LGBT groups. __________________ I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was Born This Way -Lady Gaga

25th Jan 2009, 03:50 PM	#8
Mickey Older and bolder! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Massachusetts Age: 50 Posts: 1,775 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... Wow,I'm the exact opposite! When I was younger,you could'nt keep me home! Now,going to the grocery store is my big out! I have many health problems and I know this is a big reason,but I hate when I know I have to leave my house. Sometimes I wish things were different,but I'm pretty okay with the way things are,now. (Thank God for you guys and EC!) __________________ We don't choose to be gay...we're CHOSEN!

25th Jan 2009, 03:59 PM	#9
JustBecause Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Everyone who asks or I feel like telling Location: DFW Age: 31 Posts: 28 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: This is just a phase right... I'm not sure, exactly, but I understand. I went through this when I was in my early 20's - around the time I started kissing the girl I was crashing with for a few months. I always wanted to be out and hated coming home from waiting tables and just watching a movie and going to sleep. Actually, I couldn't stand it to the point I was suicidal if I had to be alone. I didn't want to be alone, ever... so if that's related to sexuality or just a need to feel accepted, I'm not sure, but I doubt they are mutually exclusive. You and I are both in Texas and I've found this is a hard place to have an alternative lifestyle... if you would like to talk, feel free to IM me. JB

25th Jan 2009, 04:21 PM	#10
sdc91 Coop d'état Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Berlin, Germany Age: 21 Posts: 1,607 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: This is just a phase right... I don't think it's a phase, but I guess you could try to just enjoy every single no matter where you are or who you're with. Sounds like your personality changed a bit. As far as Texas... I'm getting outta here ASAP! lol Austin's not too bad, though. DFW kinda sucks (I'm in the metroplex, too).

25th Jan 2009, 04:25 PM	#11
revolutionrock Diggin' the obviousness. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arizona Age: 21 Posts: 246 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... I'm really feeling the same way right now. Although I have not officially come out, I am associating with more open-minded friends now, and I think that is enough. Not any of that "that's gay" nonsense. I also feel the being alone craziness... not so fun.

25th Jan 2009, 05:14 PM	#12
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 31 Posts: 2,108 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... I moved from DFW to Austin about 7 months ago. There is no way I could have come out up there. Austin is great though. The areas outside of Austin aren't quite as progressive though. My only complaint about Austin is that the gay community is really not organized, and I think that is because folks in Austin just don't care. I've seen guys walking down the street holding hands and no one says a thing. I'm living in Round Rock now, but I think I am going to move into Austin proper when my lease is up. Seems like I spend all of time there. __________________ All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. --Thomas J. Watson

25th Jan 2009, 06:21 PM	#13
Keiss Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Austin, Texas / Charlotte, North Carolina Age: 21 Posts: 67 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... I think Austin is fairly liberal. It definitely suited my lifestyle. You just have to find the right people to know, and places to go. I live in Round Rock, it isn't as conservative as it may seem. However, that is mainly due to the very liberal teen uprising there. Though never have experienced it myself, I have heard Dallas has a great gay community. Of course, this is coming from my manager at work. (Who is a giant queen, but I <3 him) He's told me Dallas offers a lot of clubs, bars, and events. Who knows? __________________ I do declare you were all that I wanted

25th Jan 2009, 06:25 PM	#14
gaius EC's Geordie Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: bi/gay Out Status: Out to friends, family and anyone who wants to kno Location: Lancaster University Age: 22 Posts: 397 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... i've always been an extrovert but after coming out i seem to be evenmore so, i never get any work done anyway so its all good! __________________ "Life happens without warning"

25th Jan 2009, 09:22 PM	#15
Markio EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Family, friends, and staff! Location: California Age: 21 Posts: 1,139 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... Oh my gosh, I hope I become more outgoing! I came out a few months ago, and it still seems that, aside from a few new friends (ALL upperclassmen) I haven't gone out and met anyone else. I don't want to be like my roommates who stay in the room all day and have horrible senses of humor! __________________ Celebrate diversity!

25th Jan 2009, 10:21 PM	#16
Ionless Depressed, Lost. Seeking Solace. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: about a 4.5 Out Status: Family only Age: 19 Posts: 162 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: This is just a phase right... Sounds like what I need, but I'm not ready yet ...

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25th Jan 2009, 10:44 PM	#18
Jerr Pirate! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: If I have to say, I, my friends, am homogay. Out Status: All but family Location: Hot Springs, Arkansas Age: 22 Posts: 2,149 Join Date: Jan 2007	Re: This is just a phase right... OMG I'm going to Austin like next weekend! How exciting I'll be within like an hour driving distance of an ec member! How weird! Ok... no more simple minded excitedness... I think I might have done this a bit but I never was a loner but I wanted to be around my friends because I was afraid of losing them.... __________________ My Koolaid's Flavor is Fierce! Fierce Koolaid is filled with Vitamin Gangster! That's right. I'm gangster. I'm so gangster I practically sweat Awesome.