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Do People Know I'm Gay?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Plattyrex, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. Plattyrex

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    I've been pulled out of school for awhile and I've been having a rough time readjusting. I got punched in the face on Monday and had to lie to my mom about a black eye and my friends are treating me like garbage. Something that happened today really upset me though. In my sociology class we were doing something where we had both genders sit on opposite sides of the room to discuss what they found attractive in the opposite sex. Those weren't the exact directions, though. The teacher told us to go to each side based on what gender we found attractive. A lot of people looked at me when he worded it like that. I stayed on the side with all the other boys, and I got really confused looks, I think some people were even laughing at me. I was a little bit embarrassed, but the worst thing ever happened after that. One of my best friends motioned with her hand for me to come over to the other side. I think she caught on pretty quickly and stopped, but I was mortified by this. I told 3 of my other friends in October who immediately proceeded to out me to like 10 people. I didn't think this many people knew though. I am also very feminine behavior wise, and my voice almost sounds like a girls. I feel like maybe people just kind of assumed. I'm very upset either way. My friends were wrong to out me in the first place. I've known them since like 3rd grade and they're good friends and all but they have little to no regard for the fact that I'm a human being too. I don't know if it's because I'm the only boy in the group or because I'm so much more soft spoken or what, but they don't care about my feelings at all and it really upsets me sometimes. If they just assumed though that makes me worry that pretty much everyone knows, which is even worse. I dunno what to do, but clearly a lot of people seem to know. Or maybe they don't, I don't even know. I just need to vent my emotions. I'm also wondering what you guys think of this. Am I overreacting, or does it seem like they really know? Any feedback is very much appreciated.
     
    #1 Plattyrex, Dec 16, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2015
  2. mychemromance99

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    Hi Platty,
    About the sociology class, I believe it was pretty mean of people to laugh at you.
    By coming out to them, you imply that you trust them with your feelings, you trust them with some truths which very few people know. So outing you to others was wrong. There's no two ways about it.

    I am quoting you,
    " I've known them since like 3rd grade and they're good friends and all but they have little to no regard for the fact that I'm a human being too."

    How can they possibly be good friends if they don't treat you well? You are very kind.

    And yes, sometimes people just know.
    Not all the time, but some people can identify gay guys just like that.
    It not your fault that you have a feminine voice, or that you behave in a feminine manner. That does not justify the way your friends have treated you. Nothing does.
    No, not everyone know, but they suspect.
    Why, hell my best friend is straight as an arrow and some no many guys in my class think that he is gay. Simply its another way bullies have found to prey on people and that is pretty shameful. No matter what, your friends should'nt have behaved in such a way. That saud, have they apologised even?
    Sorry if I sound cynical or angry. Because I am pretty angered by your friends. I'm someone who is extremely possessive and protective of my friends and they are just the same. I acnnot tolerate friends doing such things.
     
  3. Plattyrex

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    No, they haven't really apologized. I don't even think they take it seriously. I know it probably seems like they're the worst people on the planet based on what I'm saying, but they aren't. They're just kinda mean, I don't know. But yeah I guess people probably wouldn't really know for sure, they probably just suspect it.
     
  4. mychemromance99

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    Ok.
    :slight_smile:

    But our lives would be simoler if people did't care about others orientations. A lot simpler.
     
  5. Psaurus918

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    If you're a guy in high school and don't show the slightest interest in girls, people will start rumors that you're gay. It sucks.

    I remember sitting at lunch one day in the 7th grade and a kid asked me if I liked Playboy or Playgirl in front of a bunch of class mates and I had no idea about either but assumed playgirl was full of naked girls and answered "playgirl". How embarrassing and that started a stigma towards me
     
  6. Plattyrex

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    Most of my friends are girls, so I guess I show some interest maybe. I suppose it probably wouldn't count if they're just my friends anyway though. But yeah, the idea of people knowing really bothers me.
     
  7. Open Arms

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    They probably know.

    Why were you punched in the face?

    Anyone else not like that sociology teacher's assignment? What a set-up for discrimination in my opinion! Stupid teacher!

    Don't take any guff from anyone. One punch in the face is one too many. Your school should have anti-bullying policies in place by now. Whoever makes the next wrong move, so- called "friend" or foe, verbally blast them. If that doesn't work report,report, report to the proper authorities. If they do nothing, tell the bullies you've written a letter to Dr. Phil and you're going to expose them on national TV. They're probably so dumb, they'll believe you.
     
  8. Rydia

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    I agree that it's a super awkward thing to do that puts people who are questioning or not out in a bad position, but it could be in the teacher's mind they were trying to be inclusive and not assume all of the students were straight, by telling them to sit on the opposite side of the gender they are attracted to, instead of going with boys on this side and girls on the other.

    We had a similar sort of assignment in my English class when I was in high school, except instead of doing groups they assigned us all some random person of the opposite gender and made us talk about what we found attractive about the other person.

    I was mortified, particularly since the list of questions had a lot to do with gender conforming things like wearing makeup and dresses and such that I never did, so I was dreading both what my partner would say and how the class would react, but he was actually really sweet about it and no one laughed and we became friends after that, so it worked out.

    As for whether people "know" you're gay...it sounds like they probably think they do, but as others have said, you shouldn't have to put up with bullying about it regardless.
     
  9. Plattyrex

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    I feel like he was more or less trying not to make people feel left out because of their sexuality rather than linking sexuality and gender on the sides. I did get punched, but I've already been having problems from the person who hit me. The school does not care at all and I'm afraid if I tell my mom she'll make me switch schools because I cannot get proper help here. I haven't been physically hurt since, so I think I'll just deal with it. Unfortunately the consequences of telling would be worse than not telling it seems. I guess what's really upsetting me about this is the constant mistreatment from my friends. Even if that wasn't what caused it I think that's what caused me to go off on the situation like that. I dunno. Thanks a lot for your concern, though. I wish I had more people like you in my personal life.
     
  10. lovetoomuch

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    Kids in high school are cruel and as Psaurus918 said, if you are not talking about trying to 'bang' or 'get with girls,' people make assumptions. I'm a fairly masculine guy and I have was asked if I was gay in high school because I didn't have a girlfriend or seem to flirt with girls. While that is true, I could have just been shy. Unfortunately, teenagers are quick to judge.

    I like to think I didn't come out yet because I don't want to disappoint my parents. And while that is the main reason, i know I would have never had the balls to come out in high school, so I completely understand you not wanting people to know. Just know the good (and relevant) people in your life are going to accept you and they will be around for a long time.

    It may not feel like it now, but when you leave high school, you are never going to see the bullies, mean kids, and stuck-up kids again. Even if you do, you are then living in basically completely different worlds.
    You had no right to be punched, but know it does get better. I can promise you that. Just wait, in 5-10 years you will probably have your life together and those kids making fun of you will probably still be stuck in their high school days and reminiscing about when they were at their 'peak'
     
    #10 lovetoomuch, Dec 17, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2015