I’m no angel, but sometimes I feel like I come across as a complete and utter ass to people when it comes to maintaining friendships and relationships. Personally, I have high standards for myself as an individual, in terms of goals, ethics and personal behavior. As such, I would like the same kind of self-awareness in a partner, as well as being physically attracted to him. Now, some people around me might think that is high standards, but I think it's normal, (personally I don’t even think they are that high). I don’t feel like I’m the type of person to just settle with anyone. I define settling as someone who commits to someone you don't "feel it" for. No one should settle, and no one wants to be settled for. The same kind of goes for friends. I've had a ton of crappy friends who would lower my self-esteem. I'm not judgmental for who they are, just don't be an ass to me. Yes, I kind of have high standards for people, and I tend to be disappointed in some people, but I rather have standards than none at all. Is that so bad? And no, I don’t feel like I’m overrating my self-worth or anything either. Do you have standards for the people in your life? I’m just curious what everyone's thoughts are on having standards. Good or bad?
It would really depend on what your standards are. I feel like as long as you meet the standards you set for other people, then you deserve to have someone at your level. In the end, the only person that you are hurting (or helping) is yourself, so be with whoever you want to be with
No, it's not bad at all. I'm the same as you, and I believe this should be written in stone You are fine... And a fine individual. It takes courage and patience, but being true to your own values is the only way to live a life that is worth living. Here, this one is for you... (*hug*)
If it is bad to have high standards, were screwed, you and I both. I think it's good to have high standards. It means you value yourself enough not to waste your time on someone you just don't want to be with. As long as you're not an asshole about it, all is well
I will add, if you have high standards, that's perfectly fine. But my friend does this thing where he has really high standards, and he always complains that he's going to be single forever, and that all guys suck, and etc. etc. It gets quite annoying >_<. I'm pretty sure you don't do this, but just FYI for anyone that reads this. If you're going to want a specific kind of guy, expect to search much longer. Don't be surprised if you're single until later in life, depending on what your standards are (unless you get lucky, of course). That's just something you have to deal with if you want the perfect guy for you.
I do actually. Needs: Smartish. Come on, everybody wants that. Funny, but knows when to stop. Otherwise he'll irritate me even more. Only good-looking enough for me not to be ashamed when I show my family. A little shyness, hiding a fuctional sex drive (sorry but pun intended) Mild assets (don't care much for dick size but smooth, unflabby ass would be nice)(excuse my language) Knows how to be surprised. Knows how to surprise. Values privacy. MUST LOVE HUGS (kisses optional, mostly) CUDDLING IS A MUST Honesty. Within 6 years of my age up, and 2 years of my age down. Willingness to sign contract stating that I may injure him if he chests on me without permission. WANTS: LOOKS. Any kind of good looking suits me. Be it earrings and a spiky hairdo, or honest emerald eyes and brown hair, or black hair and pallor with muscle, or the blondey-blue-eye. (I don't mean to be racist but I prefer someone close to my own skin color) Very smart. Willing to try out new things sexually (trying out bondage for example.) Switch in the bedroom (top and bottom) but prefers bottom. Nice body, in all aspects, including the tight, smooth bum. Willing to not be obsessively close to me. Maybe a little (just a little) emotional scar tissue we can talk and bond over. Loves being romantic. Enjoys occasional public ass squeeze. (Maybe not occasional) Easily turned on. Loves doing things together. And now everyone thinks I'm just after the body and the looks, when the truth is that I have a huge sex drive. I'm not that narcissistic, even if it seems so.
No it's not. I also have high standards and, well, it's true that it's gonna be much harder to find someone that we actually want to start a serious relationship. But hey, it's better to keep searching than be with someone just for the sake of having someone. These kind of relationships will only stress you out in the long-term. Besides, you're not only going to be fooling the other person into thinking you're actually satisfied. You're gonna be fooling yourself as well. There is, of course, a huge difference between having high standards and not knowing to live with your partner's imperfections, which will appear sooner or later, just like our imperfections will be noticed by them.
One of my partners likes to refuse people based on their not having enough piercings. But that's mostly just an excuse. Have whatever standards you like. There's no point getting into a relationship if you don't think of a person well. And yeah, while I tolerate some disagreement in views, my (long term) partners all have to be good people with nice politics. On the other hand, learning to accept your partner for who they are is also important. Just don't piss people off by complaining about being alone.
Typically those with higher standards are destined to be alone and people with standards that are too low are always miserable; so it's important to find the balance there. If you feel your standards are too high then feel free to adjust them a bit. I learned as I got older, that I can't expect to find the person I want in life who has every quality I like in them. As I gained more experience in the dating game, there were several things that made me go back and reevaluate my standards. If they don't have a car, would it be a deal breaker for them to have a bike, take the bus, or walk? Do they have to own their own house; can they rent, have a roommate, still live at home with the parents? Must they have a career or college education if they love the job they have now and make enough to live off of? To me, that isn't settling it's compromising. Just as we may eventually have to compromise with the fact that we won't get EVERYTHING we want out of life by living it to the fullest and never taking a single day for granted; same in this case. But it's all about what you are able to take. For example if I ran into a guy who is respectful, caring, makes me a priority in his life, is supportive of my dreams, and head over heels in love with me; I'm not going to dump him because he rents a one bedroom apartment in a crappy neighborhood, is paid minimum wage, has two kids by two different women, and is ten pounds overweight.
I have very high standards too.. But then again, maybe that's why I'm single.. And also, if someone else has high standards would I even fit in the criteria? I personally think that I need to stop being so picky and just give more people a chance. I've honestly cut off some great people for the stupidest tiniest things ever.. And its all because of my silly "standards".
Lone Dragon, I can understand where your coming from. I used to have a extremely high expectation out of people, friends and a partner. Physically I could care less, however I do require good conversation, a good moral code, and common respect for the people around us. I do have a larger list, but that was when I was younger. My older sister actually helped me with this issue. You can have different levels of friends, for example you might meet someone you like going out to dinner with, but isn't as fun in other areas, you could have one friend you go to for relationship advice, one friend you go and fix up furniture with and have a few beers. The ideal behind this is no one person fits you perfectly, so instead you're simply finding multiple people to fit your needs. However please keep in mind, you too need to be bringing something to the table for them in return. If your lucky, you'll stumble upon a few people who fit you well, and they are the type of people I refer to as my best friends. I don't know if this will work for you, but since I started I'm a lot happier. P.S. As for a relationship, I've met the dream guy that matched up with my list. For me it didn't work out, I'm a greedy soul who want's to be happy and not settle in any regards. So now I know, I don't know who is my perfect match. I keep my heart open and hope to stumble upon a person who does work. End of ramble
Steve pretty much nailed it on the head. I always say this to myself and others always..never have expectations of people. What you find physically attractive on some people later on in life someone who doesn't meet those standards you still might find pretty dang attractive. expectations ruin relationships
I don’t think that it is necessarily being unrealistic. I’m not asking someone to have blue eyes, be 5’11, have a muscular figure, have a six-figure Job, etc. That is more unrealistic. I understand everyone is not perfect and I can be versatile with my standards, but I’m just saying I would value my dignity more and I wouldn’t want to settle with someone who is a complete fool.
I don't think having high standards is inherently bad, but, I find that they can often lead to a sort of disconnect from reality, and make someone uncompromising in their wants. Which is fine, but not necessarily ideal for the upholding of a relationship. Still, it's your relationships, your life, and your right to set your standards to whatever you want.
It's good to have high standards so that you don't settle for someone that just doesn't work with you, but you need to be realistic about your standards. There is no perfect person, and all relationships take work. If you're expectations are so high that you back out at the first sign of trouble, you may never have a successful relationship, because like I said, there is no prefect person or relationship.
