Feeling like an outsider to LGBT community

To be honest, I feel like a total outsider to the LGBT community. What holds us together was our fight for marriage equality and for increased tolerance and acceptance of us.

However, the LGBT community is portrayed in such a one-sided manner. Not one LGBT icon or celebrity out there "representing" us doesn't even remind me, of me. All I see that is representing the LGBT community are usually non-poor white men and women, who are politically on the left, and are often in Hollywood.

While I think that's nice and everything, my gay friends (who are mostly Asian) and I feel a bit left out of the community. Same as some of my gay friends whose political beliefs are different. Also, what about those who aren't in acting/Hollywood? What about pro-gamers, engineers, and finance sector workers?

(Wrote a blog post about this btw)
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/anthonythegamer/12828-biggest-flaw-lgbt-movement.html

I don't know if I'm the only one that feels like this. As I grow older, I started feeling like I'm a breakaway from the LGBT community. Maybe this can be something we can all fight for as LGBT.

Anybody else feel this way?

 

I feel like this a lot of the time to be honest, especially when it comes to people my own age. For one, FTM representation is pretty limited. Most of the trans men who are out and have media recognition are a) straight, b) they pass perfectly and c) they're usually models or involved in media (Laith Ashley, Aydian Dowling, Buck Angel). You really don't see gay or bi transmen.

Then we have the issue of a lot of people acting like marriage was the last fight of the LGBT community and now that we have it, the fight is "over". Which isn't exactly the case. Marriage equality is very important but we also have to consider equality in all aspects of life. Like I want everyone here to be able to hold a job and not have to worry about their career potentially being on the line because some asshole they work for doesn't like LGBT people.

And there there's another case. I don't personally agree with a lot of the young social justice advocates on a lot of notes. For example, I think the concept of otherkin is ridiculous. And I don't think we should be saying things like "death to all cis people" or "all men are rapists/victimizers/etc". Because I'm gonna be honest. I am someone who was assaulted sexually. But I don't believe we should be putting out this idea that one gender is automatically evil. Or assuming someone is mean and horrible because they're cisgendered or identify as male and so on. For one, that really doesn't help the people who deal with discrimination or were assaulted/raped/etc. And two, it takes away the focus from the people who actually do hurtful/evil things and need to be addressed. But I've had a lot of people tell me I was wrong or something of an Uncle Tom for saying stuff like that.

 

Yea I understand what you mean. I've been to a few lgbt groups and though I get along with them I still feel like the outsider.

 

ive seen your posts b4.i think i told you to check out peter thiel ages ago.maybe you didn't know why but it was pretty much for the reason you wouldn't feel like a outsider .he was co founder of pay pal was the first angle investor of face book and shares many of your views .

 

This is the first LGBT- group/ forum i've ever joined in my entire life. So far, i feel welcome of sorts, and comfortable enough, i guess. I don't feel as much of an putsider as i thought i would, when i was just browsing this website, because i thought it was all just gonna be miserable teens, to be honest. That's kinda the impression i had of the LGBT community, i'm embarrased to admit. But i know that isn't true i've seen almost the exact opposite, since i got here. And this community is so diverse, you've got people from india, middle east, northern europe, north and south america, australia, SE asia, pretty much the whole world. So i don't feel like that much of an outsider. That's one thing i love about EC, there's always someone here tha gets you, no matter what. But all that great stuff aside, i still sometimes feel like an outsider, because sometimes it's as if i have the wrong "mindset" to things. Either i'm too happy go lucky or too pessismistic. I never which is right, when participating in a forum. Another thing that makes me feel outsider-ish is how much acceptance some people get from friends and family for being gay. I don't know if i could say the same about myself, if i ever come out. I feel happy for them, but it makes me wonder what happen if i did similiar. Other than those two things, i don't feel much like an outsider. But then ofcourse, there is the media, which ignores the diversity of the queer community on EC and decideds to focus on just left wing white males. I personally don't have an issue with this, but i feel for people who feel left out because only one group is made to look like it encompasses them all. It's sad and it's one reason why some people have this thinking that only "white guys can be gay not ( insert minority), and why there is such a suprise when a ( insert minority) comes out as gay, in some places.

@ thepandaboss, on the marriage equality thing, i kinda get the same sentiment that the lgbt fight is "over" it isn't, like you pointed out, there's still a chance you might get fired for being LGBT. And there are msny countries in ehich being gay is a crime, which is sad, so the fight is definately not over.

---------- Post added 26th Jan 2016 at 01:35 AM ----------

And i must admit it, sometimes when i talk to people here, i still just don't feel like i fit in. I can't pinpoint why, but i could be just childhood inadequeacy issues lingering till now (not feeling like i'm good enough to be rriends with the "cool kids" that kinda thing.) i'm starting to wonder if i can ever make them go away:icon_sad:

 

I don't think sexuality is enough to bring people together. It simply has nothing to do with how well I relate with you or like you as a person. I feel as if I fit in here as much as I have other place I've been, the only difference is my individuality isn't something I'm ashamed of, now I treasure it. I can't imagine how boring everything would be if I just got along with everyone...

 

I think community is a bit of a misnomer. Maybe it made more sense early on when they were probably referring mostly to small, local pockets of people banding together, but I don't think as a whole, it makes much more sense to refer to all LGBT+ people as a "community" than it does to say "the straight community."

 

Even moreso in that the only unifying characteristic unique to us is our not being straight. Aside from the adversity we face there is pretty much nothing else holding us together and if you were to eliminate that from the equation I wouldnt be surprised if the "community" dissolved

 

I was thinking along the same line, couldn't agree more.
I would be absolutely horrified if we all shared the same world view, ideologies just because we are all under the umbrella of LGBT+ *shudders*. It doesn't bother me at all about the seemingly all-white representation in mainstream media. I'm more interested in someone with similar values, like a low key monogamous guy, I'd be so happy :icon_redf

 

I think that's because the media often gives more space for the types of gay guys you're talking about (white, middle-class, artistic, liberal/leftist). At first, I did feel a bit left-out in my community, but only at the beginning. Truth is, the more you get to know the LGBT community, the more you'll see that there's a wide diversity of them in terms of behaviour and beliefs, just like the straight world.

So no, I don't feel like an outsider and perhaps this ''community'' doesn't even exist at all, which doesn't really bother me to be honest.

 

Yeah to be honest the concept of an LGBT community doesn't really interest me.

 

^ This. Perfectly put, kageshiro! You get along with some people, you don't get along with others, I think it's normal. =]

 

Didn't think I'd jump out of the grave for this but...

I know exactly how you feel, hence why I tend to put quotation marks around 'community', and it's why I have faded away from most lgbt things by now, this site included.

From being underrepresented as a (racial) minority, to my own experiences and the way I think and feel personally, to ya di da, it's as clear as day/night that I'm as isolated from it(if you can even call it a thing) as I am from any other group out there.

And don't get me started on the 'marriage equality = it's all over' bullshit; it's still one of my biggest fears and I've seen quite a bit of it, so I feel somewhat relieved that some others here have also witnessed that mentality spreading like the lottery was won. So such and such country has marriage equality now...whoop-de-frickin'-do. As I've said before, one can only hope that it allows bigger matters to be more properly addressed.

 

Despite being transgender and bisexual, I don't really consider myself LGBT because I don't want people to make assumptions about who I am based on my gender/sexuality. I lean towards being right-wing, I'm stealth with my gender, and I don't see my sexuality as a big part of who I am. I always feel alien in LGBT spaces, to be honest. I just want to be who I am, and LGBT communities force personality on me more than anyone else.

 

I dont feel like I fit in, but for different reasons.

Being unsure of your sexuality, but in a situation where there is absolutely no one in the real world you feel safe talking to - kinda leaves you in this weird no-mans land, Internet websites and forums like this are AMAZING in a sense, but I do feel like generally people don't engage with me, I don't know if its because they don't know where I fit in, or maybe they just assume in already gay and therefore think I'm uninteresting because I have very little knowledge / opinions about the LGBT community (in reality I'm just inexperienced) OR of course it could just be that I'm actually really boring

 

Notice me senpai!!!!! This is exactly how I feel. My sexuality isn't very important to me. In fact when I tell most people girls freak out more than guys..
Guys reactions: you wanna get takeout.?
Girls: do you like shopping, do you pain your nails, I'm so lucky to have a gay best friend.

Seriously that's what one of my girlfriends asked me. Then I told her I get lost in the mall, I wear oversized sweaters , loose denim, and I don't paint my nails unless it's clear coating.
One of my guy friends then called me a basic/simple gay guy.. for asec I thought he called me a basic bitch.. but that was a misunderstanding. I do feel a bit out of place in the lgbtqa community but not here (I think I only had one bad encounter on here). Sometimes I feel like I need to priss it up for people to get the fact that I like manmeat and not ladypie. I even found out something scary last year... gay men pick on other gay men...

 

Notice me senpai!!!!! This is exactly how I feel. My sexuality isn't very important to me. In fact when I tell most people girls freak out more than guys..
Guys reactions: you wanna get takeout.?
Girls: do you like shopping, do you paint your nails, I'm so lucky to have a gay best friend.

Seriously that's what one of my girlfriends asked me. Then I told her I get lost in the mall, I wear oversized sweaters , loose denim, and I don't paint my nails unless it's clear coating.
One of my guy friends then called me a basic/simple gay guy.. for asec I thought he called me a basic bitch.. but that was a misunderstanding. I do feel a bit out of place in the lgbtqa community but not here (I think I only had one bad encounter on here). Sometimes I feel like I need to priss it up for people to get the fact that I like manmeat and not ladypie. I even found out something scary last year... gay men pick on other gay men...

 

Two gay guys who I know are very different with me, one talks to me only if he has to, whereas his partner will always chat and ask how things are.

I think the LGBT+ community only really exists online, and even then it doesn't really seem that much of one. Maybe I'm wrong. Actually I hope I'm wrong.

 

I didn't read all of the responses.

Being gay bi lesbian trans etc is only one facet of many characteristics a person shares. Don't assume lgbt = instant inclusion. It's quite possible you have wayyyyy more in common with cis heteronormative people.

 

Yep, this...

What community... We met, we share stuff about the subject, and that's it.
At the end of the day, everybody has his or her own agenda, which means it's full of sons of bitches everywhere.

Shall we talk about the books community, or the jazz community?

And Panda is right, MtF are not represented at all out there. We can't be all Buck Angel, and even if we could, that's not who we all are or want to be or become.